So I'm feeling super lonely and that maybe there is something I'm doing wrong when it comes to dating and the initial dating process I've spoken with a therapist before and she diagnosed me with PTSD due to emotional/physical abuse from my mother earlier in life, I just feel maybe because I have PTSD that i attract others that have issues as well even though I feel the disorder doesn't take a hold on me as much as these other people, for instance I attract a lot of borderline personalities and alcoholics, and these types of people lie, manipulate, use me for sex, etc. I consider myself a pretty genuine person despite my issues(not dealing with stress well, panic attacks), and im honest about how i feel and think, I've been told I'm a 10 on good days and nothing below a 9 when it comes to looks, could being good looking be a factor in why i attract users? would this make any of you feel/think differently about seeing me act and behave genuine? would you think i had ulterior motives? just trying to figure out where I'm going wrong, the therapist I spoke to said its because I don't get to know people before I fall for them but I see other people knowing someone after a week and their relationships end up lasting long term where as mine can't get past the one month mark...I have had long term relationships before, but for the past 4 years I've only dated girls not long term or anything past a one night stand, the last one was a doozy knew her for a few months as friends hooked up one night and she started dating someone seriously right after not even giving me a chance, it seems right after I have sex with someone they leave or disappear and i dont think im bad in bed in fact my ex of 4 years chased after me for awhile and ive had girls tell me im one of the best at pleasing them, so i dont think its cause im bad in bed, need answers please :/
They say that kids of alcoholics sometimes start to date an alcoholic because they know how to handle them. Because it's easier for them to understand an alcoholic and to relate to them. It's possible that the are not drawn to yo, but you are drawn to them. There can be many reasons why. Doing one night stands can be a manifestation of self destructing behavior and low self-esteem. (*hug*)
I am so sorry you are going through this.. I'm sure it's not anything you are doing. It is possible that you are letting yourself fall for these people before you get to know them but that's just what your therapist can tell you.. she is not in your body she does not have your mind. Only you can really figure out what's going on. Maybe you are just having really bad luck with women? I am starting to look into studying psychology.. Come back to me in a year with a question and I might be able to look at different angles with more perspectives. Right now i'm not a great help. But I am here for you and feel compassion. (*hug*)
Thank you for the responses my mother is actually Borderline though thank god I don't display her tendencies but I do have ptsd because of dealing with her unstable behavior most of my life low self esteem may be a factor so what the first post said about alcoholics might be the case with me being attracted to borderlines it's just so weird it's always a connection with them
Maybe you could talk to a therapist? They could teach how to recognize potentially harmful behavior and how to cope with those tendencies.
The only thing I can think of is spending a lot more time getting to know people before accepting dating. If you look for who is most comfortable with just being themselves, not trying to impress you or put on an act to get you to like them, and communicates well, then consider dating. The logic is that even if they do have problems they are more likely to be able to deal with them in a proper way, and you have a better picture of what you are getting in to.
I just got out of a HORRIBLE relationship and all the ones before have been not so pleasant either so I understand.. I think that what you should do is refrain from one night stands. I think if you want a deeper, more sincere relationship you should become friends first and date then move into a more physical relationship. That way you can learn about the person and see who you are dealing with. Keep your head up you deserve the best! best of luck to you hope this helps!
Also, don't be too nice to that sort of person. It's all too easy to fall into a relationship because you feel sorry for someone or they guilt trip you. There's no reason not to support them as friends, just don't bite the apple if you suspect there's a worm in it.
