I have always been attrcted to guys but never really done anything. I got close to second base with my close friend but he just wanted sex so that I think has hurt me and ever since ive been scared to go that far with anyone. Now I find myself thinking about women and having sensual dreams about them. Also in the past ive been attracted to my gay guy friends and that kind of confused me. So how do I know if im bi/pansexual if I haven't done a lot with anyone? Does anyone else have this issue? And any advise on being a Virgin in your mid 20s cus its super hard and get me down a lot.
Hey Stef933! Welcome to EC! What you are asking isn't at all unusual. Sexuality is about attractions, not actions. In other words, your body knows who it is attracted to and send you subtle, but very real signals. You don't have to have direct experience with anyone to know who you are attracted to, you just have to listen to your own body. Heck, how do most heterosexuals KNOW that they are only attracted to members of the opposite sex BEFORE they ever have any sexual encounters? I would recommend that you watch these YouTube videos and pay close attention to the discussion about romantic and sexual attractions. The videos are mainly focused on bisexuality, but the basic discussions about romantic/sexual attractions apply regardless of whether you are straight, gay or bi. I hope that helps.
You don't have to sleep with anyone to know in all honesty. It's about what your attractions and fantasies are. You could be a completely hetero woman, sleep with a man, and HATE the experience. This is actually normal for a lot of straight women in regards to their first time anyway (esp when young) but they don't doubt they are straight just because their first time was crappy. Similarly, plenty of gay people hate their first time with the same sex too, but because of misconceptions....they doubt their sexuality then. Which is ridiculous. What genders you feel attracted to = Your sexuality. No experience needed.
Thank you both that really does help. I have kind of accepted that I have attraction to all people but I guess my struggle is still with being a Virgin which I also know isnt a big deal but its hard for me to take that step because I feel like im at an age now where its not as normal.
Hey! Yea I guess so. Ive also always been up front with people about especially if im interested in them. But I feel like thats always scared them away.
I recommend to have sex when you're comfortable, ready for it, and with the right person. I really don't suggest to have sex to fit in or because that's what others expect. Sex is a personal choice. If you feel like you have some roadblocks to having sex, explore those reasons. There's more older virgins than you probably think, I'm one myself. My status doesn't bother me because experience doesn't matter much and with every partner you start over anyways. Plus, I'd rather wait for a good, stable partner. The right person won't care if your a virgin or not.
It wouldn't bother me since it would be nice to find someone in the same boat. Some people just don't have the opportunity.
Hey, I'm in a similar situation as you! I guess what I think about to put things in perspective is, can I see myself being intimate with a guy I like? Yes. Can I see myself being intimate with a girl I like? Also yes. I guess it's kinda like how a straight guy knows he's into girls even before he's done anything with them. Also, there isn't a set age where you have to stop being a virgin, society just makes it seem like it's something you have to do but ultimately you'll know when you're ready and when it feels right. Good luck with your self discovery ^.^
Yea I think that too (nice to find some in the same boat). And I think thats another thing I think about women becuse they are more accepting of people that are Virgins or more like to be one so I find that comfort attracting. Also I know I should just wait until im comfortable but I think about it a lot. But a few guys have said to me in the past go out and just lose it (my virginity) and I think that mad me feel shame.
I definitely relate with the whole comfort thing with girls. As I feel like dating a girl would be slightly easier in that for the most part girls are more understanding and would be able to relate with you more kinda thing? In regards to what those guys said to you, please don't let people tell you what to do with your body. Just because they feel like losing their virginity is something that has to be done at a specific time doesn't mean you have to believe that too. I don't think losing your virginity should be put on a high pedestal but I also think it would be nice to know that it wasn't done because you felt pressure to, ya know?
Hey I was a virgin until I was in my late 20's and I get why you worry about it but really you shouldn't. As for figuring out who you are attracted to just use your imagination, if you imagine it and think you would want to do it in real life then you are probably attracted to whoever you are imagining. As for people not being interested because you are a virgin, that's their loss. Anyone who doesn't want to be with you because of that isn't someone you should want to be with anyway. Don't rush into it just find someone and it will happen when the time is right.
According to that i would even not be bisexual, although i had Sex with a lot of men...i never had any kind of attraction to men in my life of every day. My therapists said that i used Gaysex like a kind of addiction, just to feel the dopamine flash. And i agree with that. But since i had sex with both men and women i still see myself as bisexual. Hm.. quite strange in fact.