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How do I go about asking my mom for a binder?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Pistachio, Jul 7, 2016.

  1. Pistachio

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    Honestly feel free to skip my ramble if you don't care to read it. If you want more information, do it, but the title sums it up pretty well. :wink:

    My mom is probably the parent I would talk to about it, as she's had a month to adjust to the idea that she may not have three daughters after all haha. I just really don't know how to bring it up. I feel like asking over text is tacky.. But it's also easy, and without too much risk of not saying what I meant to, or forgetting something..
    Another thing- I'm not sure how much to tell her in the way of the overall safety of binding or how to word that bit. It seems a little suspicious to be like- "you might hear that binding has lots of fun health risks such as cracked ribs, lung damage, and yet more, but I'm here to assure you it'll probably be fine, as long as I only wear the thing 8 hours a day max and give myself breaks". You know what I'm saying? I don't want to over inform about risks, but I want to make sure she knows it's safe, and how safe binding is done.
    In the end, even though she's been really great about all of this, I'm only asking her to facilitate this purchase, mostly so that she can't reasonably object. With my plan, she won't be able to say it's too expensive, because I'm paying, so why would she care? She won't object for safety reasons, because I'll show her that it is safe. I can't really think of any other reason to say no, besides attatchment to the image of me she has of me as a young woman (if you guys can think of more, let me know. I want to be prepared). It's not that I don't trust her. I just really need this, and I don't want any more obsticlesz
    Considering how my coming out process has gone so far, I'm probably overthinking, over preparing, and overly nervous.. But, chest is something that is causing me a lot of angst, to the point where I've been borderline obsessed with the idea of binding, and getting a good binder for a month.. I've researched the living hell out of it. You'd be hard pressed to find something I don't know about binding. I just need a bit of a push. I told myself that after I came out to dad and gave it a couple weeks, I would do it.. And I keep thinking about it, I just haven't gone through with it.

    Thanks <3
     
  2. vertical

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    I don't think it's bad to ask over text...a lot easier that way plus it gives time to prepare. Personally I don't know if I would bring up the risks initially, could scare her maybe...if I were you I would only talk about safety issues if she brought up possible danger herself. Of course I guess that all depends on how much she already knows about binding...my mom didn't ask if it was dangerous when I first asked her for one, presumably because she doesn't know enough about them to think that they might be unsafe...not sure if that holds true for your mom as well though.
     
  3. randomconnorcon

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    Start with you telling her you have the money for a binder you want her to order for you. Don't talk about the risks, unless she brings up actual examples. If she asks if there are any risks or what any risks are - or brings up the examples she knows - just say that unsafe binding by others has led to health problems (using whatever she might bring up herself), but now there are proper binders designed specifically for the job and the only rule is to bind for up to eight hours (add in other safety reasons if your research has it). Then talk about the benefits for you, how you'll feel with it.

    Good luck, Anthony.
     
  4. Rickystarr

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    My first instinct would just be to get one somehow without her, especially if you aren't too chesty. She might not even notice. But then I remember you are so young. Just bring up casually you saved up money for a binder, it's something you have wanted for a while, you just need to use her card and you will pay for it. If she asks what that means exactly just say it is sort of like a compression top or sportsbra meant to conceal breasts because they make you self conscious. If she says isn't that dangerous? Say only if you are using tape or something. Professional binders are made specifically for this purpose and they are okay if you don't wear them too long and you get the right size. Tell her it will make you feel a lot more confident. If she says no, talk to me again and maybe I could help you out.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2016 at 01:37 PM ----------

    Also, I've heard of programs that give away binders to teen ftms with no money or supportive family.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2016 at 01:38 PM ----------

    Your family will probably be cool though. I can't imagine my mom would've had a problem with it even at your age.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2016 at 01:56 PM ----------

    One other thing I just found out is that I think most online stores will take a money order which you shouldn't need a bank acct or id for.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2016 at 02:00 PM ----------

    Lol I'm totally spamming this post, my bad. Last one. If she seems on the fence tell her it will help you figure out if it makes you feel better or not.
     
  5. Pistachio

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    Thanks a bunch to all three of you for your replies.. I'm still working up the courage, but I plan to ask at the next opportunity. I'll tell you how it goes.. :astonished:
     
  6. Reggie

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    Maybe send her some links?

    My son sent links, and showed me he had done a bit of research. It's taken a little bit. First, we compromised with sports bras. He's demonstrated that he understands what could happen if he binds in an unsafe manner, and he's done research into reputable brands and not-so-reputable ones. That's helped me overcome my fear of his harming himself with them.
     
  7. Pistachio

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    Alright, thank you Reggie