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How do I get the courage to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kiromane, May 12, 2022.

  1. Kiromane

    Regular Member

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    Hello!!!
    So, I know my family is generally supportive of the LGBT community. We HAVE gone to a local pride parade just last year, they don't force me to take down my rainbow flag and I'm about 70% sure my uncle is out as gay. However, there have been red flags that made me believe they don't believe it to heart, and are just going along because it's easier.
    The red flags have been forcing femininity on me very intensely at one point, common use of stereotypes, refusal to even consider being in the wrong when I say something they say is offensive and just general heteronormativity.
    I am out to my dad as bi, but I'm pretty sure he genuinely forgot. I think they won't have any bigger issue with me being bi, I expect some uncomfortable jokes but not much past that. What I think there might be a problem with, is me being trans.
    (My relation with gender is complicated, but I think if I come out I'm going to just say I'm a trans man for the simplicity of it, as I go by He/Him and am transmasculine. Just wanted to add as I'm going to refer to myself as one in here, because that's what they would see me as.)
    They have never met a trans person, but never said anything rude about trans people as an idea. If one of my friends came out and I told them they'd brush it off, maybe not misgender them if they feel nice. But me, as their kid will be a completely different story. They have a lot of expectations for me to be their "little daughter" they can baby forever, being a trans man will shatter that completely, and I don't know how they will react.

    But I really do not care at this point. All I know is they don't hate trans people so much they would kick me out or disown me. So I want to come out, as soon as possible. I want to be referred to as trans, I want to be their son, I want to be a brother. But I'm also very VERY anxious, all of the time. I know I'm ready mentally, It's just physically difficult to say the words.

    So, how do I get the courage to just get it over with?
     
  2. GraceMiamor

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    Hun it may take some time and someone to help guide you through this but I know that it's a good decision to tell them. I don't want you to be living a life ur not comfortable with. ~Lev
     
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  3. Rayland

    Moderator Full Member

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    How about writing them a letter or sending an email about it? I know how hard it is. This is something I struggle with as well. When I came out to my best friend, then I sent them an email and just closed my eyes and clicked the send button. I was ready for her never speaking to me again, but it went better, than I expected.

    I also reccomend having a plan b, if it should go differently than you expect. It's always good to have savings and someone who could support you on your journey.
     
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  4. BiShark

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    It's absolutely really difficult, even in the best of cases. I came out as Bi to my wife first. I didn't really plan it, it just sort of happened so I never had the chance to be too scared about it.

    Cut to a few years later and I have become more comfortable with this and wanted to start being out. The first people I chose were some close friends of ours.

    These were probably the safest possible people to come out to, just generally about as cool and accepting as it's possible to be and very LGBTQIA friendly.

    And it was still terrifying.

    So being scared to put this out there, even in the best of cases can be scary. Writing a letter, like Rayland said, can be a good option for a lot of reasons. Also, it sounds as though you're out to others also... Don't overlook them as a support system.
     
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  5. chicodeoro

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    Hi Kiromane, you don't mention how old you are, which I think is quite crucial here.

    How independent are you? Do you earn your own money? Are you studying? Do you have a life outside of your family? Basically, the more independent you already are, the easier it will be.

    If it's something you feel you absolutely have to do, then Rayland is right - a letter might be a good idea. It provides time for you to articulate how you want to break the news, and for them to respond to that.

    Good luck!

    Beth
     
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