How do I get my mom to be more accepting?

I'm so sorry you're experiencing that from your mother. It's got to feel really uncomfortable to just be who you are and feel unsupported and judged by your mother.

At the same time... remember that you've been thinking about and aware at some level that you were gay for quite a while, and (presumably) only fairly recently told your mother. So it is likely something that is going to take some time for her to come to terms with. When anyone is processing a loss (in this case, loss of perception that you're straight), there are stages of accepting that loss.. denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. It can take anywhere from 5 minutes to a year or more, to get through them, and the stages aren't necessarily sequential; people can go back and forth.

It sounds like your mom is in denial, hence the trying to set you up with various girls. And the silent treatment with your BF is probably a reflection of the anger phase. So... the best advice I can give you is to basically sit tight and be patient. Not the easiest to do. But in nearly all of these cases, parents eventually come around, it just takes some time.

 

Is it always the outcome? Unfortunately not. There are horrid stories of parents who cut their kids out of their lives immediately and never get over it. Fortunately, those situations seem to be pretty uncommon, and in the past few years have become increasingly rare. What it boils down to in these cases is usually parents choosing between a religion they may have deep faith and belief in, that teaches judgment and bigotry, and their children. And in most cases, they choose their children. I don't have a lot of compassion for the parents that choose religious bigotry over their children.

 

Meh, I don't think there's a single answer. In general, having the uncomfortable conversations with parents is the best way to move things forward, especially in cases like this where there's basically passive-aggressive behavior by the parent, but no actual discussion or communication. Leaving things like that makes it a lot harder to move things forward.

Of course, for any teen, having a conversation with parents that remotely addresses sex is probably mortifying, and it's impossible to talk about having a same-sex relationship without the idea of sex coming up, but if one can push past that discomfort, that's usually the best way to address it. I wouldn't expect change to come at the moment of the conversation, but having the conversation, making it clear that it isn't a 'phase' basically forces the parent out of denial and requires that they start to think about and process it.

One last piece to the OP: You might give some deep thought to where you are in your level of attraction to men vs. women. There are quite a few people who initially adopt the 'bisexual' label as part of their coming out process, which serves as a bridge during the 'bargaining' phase of self-acceptance and processing loss of being straight (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance). If you genuinely, in your heart, feel attraction and arousal to women, then absolutely stick with the 'bisexual' label. But if you are basically putting off acknowledging that you really don't have much attraction to women, and are avoiding 'closing the door' to that idea (which isn't easy)... you might think about simply accepting that you're gay, and identifying yourself to your mom that way. Otherwise, when a child tells a parent they're bisexual, the parent can desperately cling to the (often false) hope that their child will end up with an opposite-sex partner, and that tends to prolong the time it takes for the parent to accept.

 

I don't know of any heterosexual man who is attracted to all women, nor any heterosexual woman who is attracted to all men. Likewise, I don't know any gay man attracted to all men. Basically, if you're saying you have no attraction to women, it's pretty hard to argue you're pan or bi.

That said, I have no investment one way or another in what your sexual orientation is, or how you label yourself. I'm basically just pointing out the inconsistencies in what you're saying, because that sort of self-talk is typically part of the bargaining phase of the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance). Take as long as you want or need to work through this... there's no rush.