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How do I explore my feminine side?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Hamman2020, Apr 7, 2020.

  1. Hamman2020

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    Hey everyone! Awhile ago I posted a thread here asking how I can accept being trans. Since then, I think I'm now gradually starting to accept this side of myself. I'm an adult male, but have always known that I have a feminine side to myself and now only starting to acknowledge it. It still scares me however since I'm only starting to explore this side of myself. Currently, I'm the in mindset of happily being male and potentially being female, as right now it feels assuring feeling this way.

    The hardest part of this journey now however is that I simply don't know what to do now. Before Coronvirus, I was seeing a counsellor face-to-face which was really helping, and now of course being in lockdown (In the UK), has really disrupted this help. I was hoping to still talk more about my gender identity, and now I have no one to talk to now which really sucks. I don't know how to explore this side of myself, and it's still fairly scary to me.

    Overall, I guess I'm asking how I can continue exploring my feminine side. I'm not at all comfortable or ready to do any dress up or make up at this stage, I'm nowhere near ready for that as I'm still trying to accept this side of myself. For anyone who also had to accept being trans, how did you gradually accept and embrace your other gender identity? Thanks a lot for reading
     
  2. LaurenSkye

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    For the time being I'd say this place is a great way to talk about what's going on with you until you're allowed to go back out and meet with your counselor. For me, I started with wearing women's underwear and a nightgown. That allowed me to just be feminine around my home and see how I felt. When I decided to start being more feminine in public, the first two things I did were painting my nails and carrying a purse (I honestly can't remember which one I did first). Over time I moved to wearing feminine clothing. With each new step I felt a bit uncomfortable going out in public the first few times. But, I got no heat from it and even got a few compliments. It was basically like entering a swimming pool little by little until you feel comfortable. I still don't go full feminine. I wear a skirt, but not a dress or any kind of women's tops (partially because I'm so tall it's hard to find them in my size). I also don't wear makeup and have a masculine hairstyle and don't wear a wig.
     
  3. ChescaC

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    If you're not ready to fully present as female, I'd recommend undergarments, both bras and panties. Wearing them on the daily can help in the journey. The month or so before I had my epiphany, I had been wearing an unlined/lightly padded one during the day. I also had been wearing women's tank tops under my work shirt, and I didn't really mind much if anyone saw the straps.
    As for hair, if you can grow it out, then grow it out longer hair can help in assuaging dysphoria. I know that as mine would get longer, at least before I would start feeling more and more complete.
    I know you said that you're not ready to go out in public in "Girl Mode" so try around your house/flat. Once you're comfortable going around your house, try going to the postbox down to the street. Then down to a shop at the corner. Long story short, baby steps. The more often you do it, the more easily you'll be able to go out further. Who knows, you might decide to "Girl Mode" it one night and overhear something that makes you really think about who you are, like a small child asking her mother a question. And later that night, it may hit you, and the question of "Is this me?" will shift to the answer of "This is me!"
     
  4. Hamman2020

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    Thanks for both your replies! Again, I'm just not yet comfortable dressing up at all yet. I know that I have a feminine side, but I haven't yet visualised myself being a girl yet at all. Truth be told, I'm scared how I'm gonna look still. At this stage, I think I'm trying to picture how I'd like to look, and this is mostly difficult since I obviously have zero knowledge of how woman present themselves, wherever from hairstyle, make up, clothing, ect, so I'm not even sure how I'd present myself yet. Does anyone know of any good sources, such as apps or websites that help woman decide how to style themselves? Because that really help and make me feel more confident knowing how I want to look first.
     
  5. ChescaC

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    Do you have any AFAB/DFAB siblings? If so, look to how they style themselves for inspiration. If not, when you watch red carpet events, which female celebrities do you find your gaze drifting to? Look up photos of how they dress in paparazzi photos. if you like that style, build yours off that.
    For things you can do before you find your exterior(outermost day clothes, jackets excluded)
    After this lockdown is said and done, take yourself to a Boux Avenue, Agent Provactuer, Marks and Spencer, or any chain based on that side of the Atlantic(US based companies still do the add 4/5/6 inches) and get yourself sized for a bra. Once you have that size, then take yourself to a Walmart, they'll have a larger selection and cheaper prices, but the first thing I can say is get yourself some bras and panties. Panties I recommend going bikini style, they are the most comfortable and the least likely to suffer an incident of "spilling out"(trust me on this one, I decided one day to wear a certain style panty and i was having to adjust myself once every couple hours. For the bra, id recommend something simple like a T-shirt bra, or a lightly padded one. Though if you are looking for tops, I cannot deny women's Tanks. I wear them almost every day(or at least days I need to leave the house for more than just the post or picking up prescriptions) and several other T-gals i know also swear by cute tanks.
    For hair, I'm going by what I originally said: Grow it out, but until it gets long enough, you're not going to be able to pull it back, so brush it down until then. play with the part. do you like it more on the left, the right, or down middle? if you find long hair isn't you. Again, look to celebrities for inspiration. If there are certain short cuts you like, go with them.

    With makeup, there are plenty of tutorials on youtube, more than i even care to go into.
     
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  6. Hamman2020

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    Thanks for replying! Out of your advice I'm now starting to research what woman, styles and fashion appeal to me, just saving imagines onto my phone for inspiration. Unfortunately starting to dress up and do anything visual still feels too soon for me now, especially in lockdown. When you started exploring being female, can I ask what were the very first things you did to help visualise yourself as a woman? I'm honestly still scared how I'd look, and of course having no knowledge of how woman present themselves doesn't help. Are there any programs, apps or anything that can show how I'd present myself as a girl? Heck, even snapchat has a feature that turns guys into woman for parodies, but even something as small and silly as that I'd be scared to do. I just don't know what small steps to take to help me embrace this part of myself, while it's still quite a scary journey so far. Thanks again
     
  7. ChescaC

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    I'm going to level with you:
    My first forays into my femininity were when I was very young. I first tried on a bra when I was very young. I liked how it felt and looked. I would picture myself in a female body at night(either by putting on a bra or in my dreams). And it would bee like this until high school. Wednesdays, I'd go to the local mall after school instead of going to the event at my church. I would; be told to stay out of Victoria's Secret and Frederick's of Hollywood. Again at night I'd put on a bra, sometimes even at school I'd wear a sports bra.
    But I always saw myself as female, even if I couldn't present as such. This includes while in uniform at Boy Scouts. Even after attaining the Rank of Eagle. This came to a head after a row with my mother. In which I was adamant about not wanting to wear the Uniform anymore, but I couldn't say that the reason was "Because I'm not a young man", I just told her that it wasn't me. So she used the shirt to make nametags. Again, I'd been seeing myself as not masculine.
    While away at college, I had purchased a bra online from Victoria's Secret. When she called to see if it was me, I told I hadn't. Her response "Boys don't need anything from them." Again I couldn't tell her "I'm not a boy."
    Then after I moved back in about 2013, I decided to get sleep stuff from Frederick's. I would wear it. I think that by this time my mother was oaky with things, so long as dad didn't see anything. Still I couldn't see myself as masculine.
    In 2015, I purchased a couple corsets for cosplays. Also in 2015, I went to a event in "Semi-Girl Mode", where I met the young woman whom would be the inspiration for my first drag persona, Emilie Autumn. She was impressed at the corset being tight laced. I Never felt masculine, even when I cosplayed as Joker.
    After moving out, I would find myself "Girl Moding" more and more, in Mach 2017, I started doing Drag, at first only at open mic nights, officially in July. When I became Frankie Winter I felt complete, but I didn't know it at the time. Even when I was my then "Muggle" self, I didn't see myself as masculine.
    Following my suicide attempt in January of 2018, it took about a month for me to finally have my "This is me" moment. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but the reason for said attempt was because for the first time in my life, I felt shame for the femininity. At the time I figured that my parents would rather have had a dead son than a freak.(Be aware, that was my thought process then, I know differently now).

    Sorry, I'm rambling. with me, it really started out how I suggest you start out, But I never really say myself as a boy. Not even when I would "Boy Mode" it, there were times when I'd incorporate something "Feminine" be it a corset, a bra, undies, or some combination.
    At an event in 2017, I "Boy Moded" it, and I met someone there. She sent me a "I'm so proud of you" message following my coming out on the page for said event.
    Even people who only knew me from online were thrilled, But I think the best reaction was from actually a couple of different people, one whom i told directly, another who my sister told, "It's about {dang} time!"
     
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  8. Hamman2020

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    Thanks a lot for sharing your story, and I'm real sorry to hear you went through that but thankfully on the other side now. I feel like I'm the complete opposite, it feels like potentially also being female feels like a completely different side to me still. This is mostly true since it's still reasonably really daunting to me still; I only realised I am gender curious at the age of 18, and while I'm now acknowledging and accepting it, it still feels really alien to me. I probably need to create another thread about this, as it's possible I still don't really know where I am on the gender spectrum. Not that I'm downplaying it at all, but for now it's a real hard and heavy side to explore about myself still. I have no idea how to gradually explore it without being scared.
     
  9. ChescaC

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    I don't wish to sound as standoffish, but to me it sounds less like being fully trans and more like falling under the trans umbrella.

    it sounds like you already fall under the trans umbrella, but its something that you are still grappling with. Yes it can be alien, it happens anytime we face something about us that's foreign to us.

    You stated that you are Gender Curious. That does fall onto the spectrum. You're DMAB, so any gender identity other that strictly Male, and you'd fall under the trans umbrella. The trans umbrella is the spectrum of gender identities that don't align with the gender associated with the sex designated at birth. If you're asking about your specific location on the gender spectrum, you'll need to ask yourself "Do I feel more Female, more Male, somewhere inbetween? You even fall under the trans umbrella if you don't have a gender identity(agender)

    It is scary, but trust me when i say that if it is the right path, once you take the first steps, the entire view on oneself changes. But really to begin the journey it is scary, it is frightening, and there can be regret. Either from oneself or brought on by fear of what others would think.
     
    #9 ChescaC, Apr 12, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2020