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How do I ensure I come out to my dad?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Zg115, Nov 3, 2016.

  1. Zg115

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    Hi there,

    I am going home for the weekend from uni and I really want to tell my dad that I'm gay. My mum already knows and her reaction was, well okay but not brilliant. I'm not sure that he'll have the best reaction, but I just cannot live in the closet anymore. I'm not sleeping worrying about it. The thing I'm now worrying about is that I will chicken out at the last minute, how do ensure this doesn't happen? I guess I'm just scared of staying in the closet and scared of coming out simultaneously.

    Many thanks for any advice.
     
  2. Barbatus

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    Zg115,

    I'm not sure how you can irrevocably commit to coming out at the weekend, but when I came out to my parents one of my friends was on the phone with me right before I did it and that helped me do it. Is that an option for you?

    Otherwise could you tell your mum you will come to him this weekend so that you have an 'observer' to remind you?

    Great idea doing it while you are at uni as you are uncertain of his reaction, it will make it easier for you both have some space to process things. I hope it goes well and if you want to discuss it further then post back. :slight_smile:
     
  3. I'm gay

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    I would maybe suggest that you send him a message telling him that you want to talk to him about something this weekend.

    Once you do that, you're kind of committed because he will be expecting a talk about something.

    Good luck. You'll be fine. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  4. falconfalcon

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    I have no idea. What's making you want to chicken out ? work through those feeling first? build confidence?


    Where a gay t-shirt? Bring only gay t-shirts to wear and leave other clothes behind?

    tie a rainbow ribbon around your wrist to remind you?

    I dunno... But take it easy :wink:
     
  5. Sleeping Owl

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    Sending him a message that you want to talk or planning some time alone for the two of you away from the rest of your family is a good way to do it. If you commit in smaller chunks it's easier to commit to the whole. Also, to Barbatus, he is going home for the weekend. I think it's definitely tactful to tell him while you're away but personally I am going to do it in person.
     
  6. ABeautifulMind

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    Have you considered possibly writing him a letter as a back up plan... I dont mean for you to plan to fail, but I know when I just came out, it was really hard to just say it.. not that I was expecting a bad reaction, which you are unsure of... bad reaction or not it is still incredibly awkward... So maybe you write a letter and IF you do chicken out, you leave it for him... Then you will still inevitably succeed...

    As for actually saying it, as I said it is awkward, but I found that even now just a little while later it is much easier to talk about with my dad.... You just have to act like you are swimming in a cold pool.... if you touch the water with your toes and try to come in slowly you will never come in... just take the dive.. Just make sure your ready or you could end up with a metaphorical stomach ache....

    Good Luck :wink:
     
  7. Gay Deputy

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    I'm prob not the best to answer this but I wrote my parents an email. I was living 5 hours away, in the military, and was supporting myself. I simply stated I was gay, I'd love their continued support but I did not want to hear anything negative. I advised them I would be standing by the phone if/when they had something positive to say. My mom called almost immediately...sayin she'd known and didn't care. My sister was pissed...cause I hadn't fold her sooner. No one cares that I'd written it out. I feel writing it out allowed to express everything I'd wanted to say and i didn't have breaks or mixed thoughts which would have surely happened if I'd been face to face. This also gave them time to comprehend and reply without being face to face. If there had been anything negative flash across their face....I never saw it which would hVe been for the better.