How do I deal with guys who want to date me?

Honestly, I am not an expert on HOCD or anything, so I don't know if my advice will be specific enough to help you but I will try my best. I can, however, relate to what you mean in terms of guys who you are not romantically and/or sexually interested in befriending you, and then wanting/expecting/trying for something more and it is tricky.

Firstly, I will sort of disclaim my message by saying that my advice comes from a place of me assuming that you are not comfortable with 'coming out' and telling these guys you are 'gayish and asexual-ish' (because if you are comfortable with that, as someone who strongly believes in being completely open and honest - when in a safe environment - I think the best solution is technically to tell them where you stand with dating and your feelings towards men, if it is a viable option for you then it is definitely the easiest, clean cut way of explaining you are not interested in them, but please don't put yourself at risk or in a situation that makes you uncomfortable).

I tend to just say that I am going through some personal issues and need to work on them myself and so am not interested in/ready for any sort of relationship. If this isn't possible to state because they aren't forward enough with their advances and so it is awkward to reject them before they have even officially made a move then in the early stages of you noticing flirtation you could respectfully try and shut it down by speaking to them like a friend. For example; by commenting on the attractiveness of other people, or telling them about someone else you are interested in/involved with (I see you say you are on the spectrum of asexuality so don't worry if you are not comfortable doing these previous suggestions or if they are not possible for you), or just basically 'friend-zone' him, I know friend-zoning is a controversial topic with a lot of people saying it is not real, which is understandable, but all I mean by it is act in a way with them that you only would with a friend and then they will hopefully catch on, without the potentially awkward direct rejection, to where the boundaries are.

I hope any of that helps, I am sure it didn't make much sense but I truly hope you got something from it, I have the best intentions. Good luck! Never settle for anyone who doesn't respect your feelings, they are valid and you are entitled to them.

 

just tell them im not intrested