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How do I come out to homophobic parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dogs, Dec 2, 2017.

  1. Dogs

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    I have a major problem. So... my dad is extremely homophobic, transphobic, all that. And you see... I’m a genderqueer demigrayromantic lesbian. That’s the best term for it, I guess. I switch between being masculine and feminine, and I have to be friends with a person to like them, and I hardly have attraction to anyone at all. But when I do, it is always on girls. No dudes here! I am a 12 yo and I was born female.
    Back to my parents; my mom is not homophobic or transphobic, but she hates all the bigender, genderqueer, etc. She calls it made up, stupid, and a sin.
    My father is verbally abusive at most times, and i know for a fact he HATES LGBTTQQIAAP+ with a burning passion. He hates all cross dressers, my gay cousin, etc. My home will never be safe again if I come out to them. I’m so scared that they will find out.
    I really want to come out, and I just came out to my best friends, one was accepting and the other wasn’t. All I know what to do now is pray for the ones who came out that are being abused and have much worse conditions that I do, and save up money for my departure, which I plan to be in the summer of 2024.

    What do I do?
     
    #1 Dogs, Dec 2, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2017
  2. BiDragon

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    Hey. I can’t relate to your situation very much, but I’ll try to help. What I recommend is you reach out to helpful sources and maybe try to find a therapist. They could be online, which seems like it would be better for you. Talk to your friend who’s accepting and ask if you could stay with them if anything goes wrong before your 2024 departure. Just remember that it will get better- I know people say that a lot but it’s the truth- and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be who you are.
     
    Kyrielles likes this.
  3. Dogs

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    thanks, @BiDragon . I’m really glad you gave me some ideas.
     
  4. BiDragon

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    You’re welcome! I’m glad I could help.
     
  5. Twist

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    You wait.

    You wait until you are no longer under their roof and are independent of their assistance.

    Then, if you want to come out to them you will be able to do so safely.

    Safety comes first. Always.
     
  6. Naters2000

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    I totally understand how you feel, Dogs. I’m thirteen, and in the same boat. My family is very homophobic too, but you just need to ride it out. I really don’t want to give you bad advice, but I tried coming out to my parents once, and it was quite possibly the worst experience of my life. They just simply didn’t believe me, and would talk to me about sexuality (which they don’t really understand) 24/7. During the experience, my mom told me some incredibly hateful things about gay men. Eventually, I went back into the closet to spare myself of more hateful words. If you don’t want to unleash total hell, I’d just wait. I understand how frustrated you feel, but please, for my sake, don’t tell your parents. I don’t want anybody to have to go through what I went through.


    If you want any follow up, I’ll be checking this thread for your input.

    -Nate