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How do gay men react when they're talking to a woman and she thinks he's hitting on her?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Tritri, Jul 20, 2021.

  1. Tritri

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    For example, if she says, "sorry, I have a boyfriend".
    Or worse, if she says, "sorry, I'm not interested in you", in which case you can't tell if she's rejecting you as a potential boyfriend or as a friend altogether.
     
    #1 Tritri, Jul 20, 2021
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2021
  2. BlueMonday

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    I'm the "obviously gay" type of gay guy, so no woman would ever think I'm hitting on her, lol

    My husband, who's a "masculine gay guy" (although he abhors the term), once told me that a lot of girls assumed he was flirting just because he was being friendly. Of course, a lot of people, regardless of their gender and sexuality, confuse friendliness with flirting.
     
  3. Tritri

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    But how does he respond?
     
  4. tidalpool127

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    I would respond with "congrats, I have a husband" if I was trying to talk to a woman and she said she had a boyfriend. However, women get unwanted advances all the time in our society so maybe she just assumed you were trying to approach her romantically. Despite stereotypes, you can't always tell that we are gay by glancing at us. You could say something like "me too" or "tell me where to find me one" if she tells you she has a boyfriend. If you're out that is. If you're not out and you're trying to make friends I would just focus on being friendly and trying to find shared common interests. Not everybody will want to talk and that just happens sometimes. She is certainly not trying to invalidate your gay identity.
     
  5. Unsure77

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    Most importantly, if you tell her you’re gay and she still says she’s not interested, please just let it go. She may not have time. She may just not want a new friend for whatever reason. Or she may not trust you yet. But you persisting after she’s said she’s not interested isn’t likely to improve any of that.
     
  6. Tightrope

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    I don't like it when being friendly has the other person on edge on they think you're hitting on them. Unless it's really obvious that you are. The safest place to be friendly to a woman might be in a restaurant when they're taking your order. They're used to men being friendly to them and they're pretty good at knowing when you're hitting on them.

    The other thing to mention is that, just because you are friendly to someone, it is not an invitation to have people enter your life. I've had this happen and it makes it challenging to be friendly to women who thinks it's a green light. This can happen in restaurants, too. Sometimes the woman waiting on your table sees you in the restaurant a lot, you are nice to her, and it sort of seems they start becoming interested. During all your visits to their restaurant, they've also told you most of their life story, so there's no way most guys would be interested. So they can just go on being clueless.

    Some very attractive women can snap at men who are overly friendly to them. So it follows suit that they can be on the nastier side to gay and bi men. If they are into guys and are free of drama so they are capable of getting dates, into relationships, and being intimate, they want the best hetero guy they can land, so they don't have time to befriend gay and bi men and I've heard them make cutting comments about them among their friends or that other men can hear.