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How did you realise that you are queer?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Lovri, Oct 17, 2020.

  1. Lovri

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    Hey I am male gay and I just wanted to know how did you guys know it? Personally when I was 12, I was watching porn when I accidentaly clicked on gay porn. I think I watched the whole thing. I just couldnt get it out of my mind...The idea of men having sex.. It was just so unreal. I realised that I am gay and I decided to forget about it... After 2 years I finally accepted it. And now I am here happy with myself
     
  2. LetsGoNow

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    I was 6 when I found out. I had a major crush on bruce lee lolololol.
     
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  3. Lovri

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    Seems reasonable lol
     
  4. Hypernova

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    I was about 12/13 when I said something along the lines of "I don't want to be a boy or a girl" and my mom said "you could be non binary" and I was like "ok"
    Note: I identify as a binary trans girl now. Long story.

    I also called myself aroace for a while before that, I guess, but I've since realized I'm probably not the aro part and realized I don't need to care about the ace part right now.
     
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  5. Lovri

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    Wow your mom didn't complain at all?
     
  6. BiGemini87

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    It took me a long time, and honestly? It wasn't a single moment of clarity. There's a string of events over the years that makes it so clear in hindsight, so I suppose I'll touch on those moments; the ones where I wondered, the ones where I felt something but would shut it down before I knew what it was. Things like that.

    I don't remember wondering earlier than high-school, because quite frankly, most girls I knew prior were horrible to me. But I do remember having the odd feeling, the odd impression throughout high-school. Having a bisexual friend back then, you'd think I would have connected the dots sooner, yet I kept telling myself I couldn't like girls like that because I knew I liked boys. I suppose if I'd recognized some of my confusing feelings as romantic relating to certain girls in my friend group, it might have been more obvious, but I didn't actually know who was making me feel what half the time.

    Fast forward to my late teens (after moving out of my parents' house and into my first apartment with my now husband), and I think I had the odd wondering due to being introduced to a few of my then boyfriend's female friends that happened to be bi; but again, nothing serious. Early twenties were like this too, and I remember on more than one occasion thinking (and vocalizing) that I thought I might be bi-curious, but I didn't take it seriously; I was under the misimpression that I had to have experience with other girls in order to classify myself as bisexual.

    To make a long story short, by my mid- to late twenties, I really started struggling with it. I had (and still have) a wicked crush on Lindsey Stirling, and couldn't make heads or tails of what was going on with me. I also had a friend proposition me for a FWB arrangement, and my declining her was not because I'd been propositioned by a woman, but because 1) She was at the start of a very long separation from her controlling/abusive husband, 2) I wasn't attracted to her particularly, and 3) I knew she wasn't in her right mind, due to meds she'd been taking at the time.

    This last is what my husband reminded me of when I officially came out at the age of 31 (going on 32; it was a couple of months before my birthday). I lost so much sleep the night before, completely consumed with it; that morning, I said it out loud to myself, and I mean this almost in the literal sense--it clicked into place. I literally felt like a piece I couldn't identify or find just found its way home. It was maybe an hour or two later that I told him.

    The rest, they say, is history.

    Sorry this was so long. ^^;
     
    #6 BiGemini87, Oct 18, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2020
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  7. QuietPeace

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    Some of my earliest memories of me coming to the understanding that I did not fit into the role that my mother wanted me to, so at about 3 or 4 knowing that I was a girl rather than what they said. As far as attraction that came much later and was more of an evolution which took years and me exploring dating both men and women in my 20s (I only had one double date in high school and did not really start dating until I was 20).
     
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  8. Ryuichi

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    Oh, this is an easy one.
    During one of my internet rabbit-holes, I ended up on a hardcore yaoi page.
    Upstairs said "uhhhhh" downstairs said "Please, give me more of that milkshake"

    And upstairs had to concede that this is a reality.
     
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  9. Hypernova

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    (Not quite sure who you're talking to, but I'm going to guess it was me, because I'm the first person to mention moms)

    Last I heard, both of my parents are part of the LGBTQ+ community.
    Even before I knew that, (and actually before they knew that) I knew they were supportive of my sister, who's a lesbian.

    (I also didn't start using a new name or pronouns until several months after, because I was too lazy. And then I had discomfort about both...)

    I did have to deal with my dad forgetting my pronouns and name. (He did correct himself after almost every time, though, but as with anything it still hurt) It took him around a year to get used to it, but most of that was because he wasn't around much, and then he suddenly was and got used to it really fast.

    My brother also didn't understand anything about being trans, but he was only 7, so I can kind of understand. Now he's the only other person in my family who doesn't assume people's gender and pronouns.

    Anyways, I think I got a little off topic there...

    I am very grateful to have such supportive parents. I wish that everyone else in the LGBTQ+ community did too.
     
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  10. HM03

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    Honestly I can't really remember. Once I started highschool and we had to change for gym - that was an awakening lol. If I had been a little bit more aware, there were definitely signs for a couple years before.
     
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  11. Vesta

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    It was late at night and I didn't want to sleep, so I turned my TV on and put a towel at the bottom of my door so nobody could see anything coming through. Monster was being aired on one of the channels. I was about 13 at the time. I used to record films so I could re-watch them later on my VHS player, so I recorded this film too.

    I watched the whole thing and couldn't get the intimacy scene out of my head. Since I'd recorded the film, I just kept watching it back over and over, over the course of the week. I didn't want my family to think I'd recorded the film because it involved lesbians (I didn't even know it did until I saw the film), so I recorded over it with some other film later on.

    Sugar Rush was then airing on Channel 4 back in 2005-2006. Even though I was still in denial of my sexuality, I kept watching it.

    Eventually I thought maybe I was bisexual at 15, so 'half' accepted myself (at least the way I looked at it back then). I came out at 16 and that was that.
     
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  12. SilentM

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    It started with a dream, then exploring fantasies, then art (classic Greek is my favorite), pictures and film.

    I wasn't sure until I've literally stumbled upon an overwhelmingly attractive guy and melted. It does not happen very often but when it does it's difficult to conceal and pointless to deny.
     
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  13. LostInDaydreams

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    For me, it was a slow process that spanned several months to a year. I sort of figured it made sense in theory that I was gay at first, and then a few months later I crossed paths with a (female) former colleague and things started to fall into place from there. But, it was quite a few more months again before I accepted it.

    I was 27/28 at the time. :slight_smile:
     
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  14. Hawk

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    It took myself many years to come to terms with things. When I was 7 years old is when I first had thoughts that weren't consistent with the girls my age. Though, where I'm from LGBT wasn't (or seldomly) mentioned and I hadn't known that other people also had felt this way. It wasn't until I was 19 when I had finally found terminology for how I was feeling and that I'm not "just a tomboy" unlike many people had told me. I knew it was more than that.

    As for sexuality, I've never really questioned it. As a child (in school), I always tried conforming with my peers, even if that meant trying to be sexually attracted to men. I can appreciate a good-looking dude, but I wouldn't want to be sexual with him.
     
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  15. Lovri

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    Omg yes I forgot. I also had a dream after the porn I watched and it made me reject it even more, but deep inside I crawed that dream.
     
  16. LetsGoNow

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    I actually found it embarrassing to be gay. Especially being a feminine gay guy. Now I'm sort of accepting it. Still a work in progress.
     
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  17. SilentM

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    Well mine was not that kind of dream and long before I saw any porn really.
     
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  18. Omegduh

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    I’m still figuring it all out honestly but I knew I was different from other girls at a young age, plus I was a tomboy. I’m pretty sure I was in love or whatever the equivalent of “love” was with my childhood best friend because I became really jealous when she would call other people her best friend and I wanted her all to myself.
    As I got older, I did have an occasional crush on a boy but I also had them on girls. I originally thought I was pansexual at 13/14 when I began questioning but I eventually came to the conclusion I was more likely bisexual. I had multiple crushes on girls in high school and I realized that my attraction to them was like a magnet. It’s kind of an indescribable feeling to be honest. I just become drawn to them.
    I tried to bury it for a few years to be “straight” but I still had thoughts about girls and found them attractive. I also dated boys during this time but I never felt much for them. It took me falling head over heels for a girl I met to realize that I was in fact not straight. I’m unsure where I lie now, but I’m probably most likely bisexual.
     
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  19. Lovri

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    Ok, just so I don't come out as a pervert or smthing. I was already gay before that I just had no clue yet, I would have probably needed much more time to realise it than I had.
    Everyone has a great story about it and mines kinda shameful :frowning2:
     
  20. Spartan 117

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    Nooo, yours is kinda normal!

    In fact, when EC was first created, it was partially because so many kids were finding their way onto a gay porn website that the owners wanted a safe place for them to go and properly learn about their sexuality.

    That’s why representation is important: so that young people aren’t forced to learn about their sexuality from porn- which let’s face it, isn’t always the best teacher!
     
    #20 Spartan 117, Oct 19, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2020
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