How did you know when to come out? How did you know you were bi?

Short answer: I liked guys and girls.
Long answer: It took awhile. When I first started questioning, I wasn't sure what to think. I knew I liked girls, but wasn't so sure about guys. I was worried that I might be deluding myself in some way. Trying to be unique or special or something. It sucked, and for awhile I had no idea what was going on. What really helped me wrap my head around this, and come to terms with my sexuality, was to take a step back and think about my feelings on a deeper level. Basically just ask yourself questions, and imagine different scenarios, and see how you feel. Some examples to help get started: Do you find men sexually attractive? How about women? Do you like the idea of being intimate (kissing, hugging, cuddling, making out, sex) with a man? how about a woman? Can you see yourself dating a man? what about a woman? If you look into the future, to a time when you have a long term, stable relationship, who do you see yourself with? A man? A woman? Can you see yourself with both? These aren't the only questions you could ask, but they're a few to get you started at least. Hopefully if you take time to mull these over and really think about how they make you feel it will help make things clearer, and help you determine how you feel and what your true sexuality is. Keep in mind, that you don't necessarily need to answer yes to all of these to be bi. Bisexuality is a complex spectrum. It doesn't mean equal attraction to both sides, though it can. You are still bi if you like one sex more then the other. Your romantic and sexual attractions also don't necessarily have to line up, which means that you could find men more sexually attractive, but prefer dating women, or vice versa. That's still bi.

For your second question the answer is much more tricky. This whole finding yourself thing is super personal, but coming out is perhaps the most personal bit at all. There are a lot of things to take into account, such as how sure you are in your sexuality, how supportive you think people will be, weather it could put you in physical or emotional danger. It's complicated. Because of that, my criteria for when I should come out will likely be different then yours, so keep that in mind. However, since you asked, this is how I knew. I knew I was ready to come out, because I was sure I couldn't be happy unless people knew. I was tired of hiding. Tired of watching what I said, or what I did because I was worried about what people might thing. Tired of laughing at bisexual related jokes on Facebook, but not being able to like or share them because I was worried about what people might think. I was tired of only a few people knowing, and of having to constantly look for opportunities to tell other people. I was tired of having to worry about how people would react if I did tell them, when a simple "hay I'm bi," could let me know for sure. In sort, I was tired of living a lie, even a lie of omission. that's how I knew I was ready to come out.

 

Glad to hear it. It's always nice to hear that something in my long, rambling replys actually helps people. if you want to talk further feel free to message me. I'm not usually on that often (the last few days have been wierd) but I'll get back to you when I can. Otherwise just keep posting around the forums. There are lots of great people here who'll be happy to help with you with your questions.

 

Not sure I ever felt ready to come out until I did, but I knew in high school, gym class as I'm sure many gay and bi guys also do, checking out on the sly the other guys in various states of undress including completely naked and realizing I liked what I was seeing of the guys I found attractive while also realizing I'd like it if I was seeing the same of the girls I found attractive. Denied it, of course, and because several failed relationships came to question if I liked the guys I was checking out and dating at all or just had loose boundaries. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that yes, I do like guys the way I like girls.

 

I knew at a young age but it took me a while to accept it (denial) and to come out to everyone. Thought I was straight between the age of about 6 and 11 (because I definitely had feelings for my hairdresser, feminine men always have been my type!) and then there was doubt until I was about 14 (because of a girl I fell in love with). When I discovered bisexuality was actually a thing I got stuck in my 'bisexual phase' until I was 34! My parents and my boyfriend knew I was in a 'bisexual phase' though so I wasn't totally closeted. Being attracted again to a woman for the x time and being confronted with my openly gay colleague started the acceptance process. But that was last year, I wanted to come out on May 17 (anti homophobia day) but it was too soon then so I decided to gradually work to coming out on September 23 (bi visibility day) and this time I was ready. You'll know when you're ready.

 

That's amazing. Thank you

 

Hello! You might not need any more help, but I wanted to share the way I came out as bi. It was very simple, and it probably helped that my family is very accepting. This is how it went; my mom asked me if I had a crush on anyone at school. I said I had a crush on this girl that I met, and my mom treated it like it was a “normal” crush! So, you could come out that way, but if you don’t have a crush you could say you do or have had one in the past. Hope this helped!
-Adrien

 

I wish my mom would do that . . .

 

I think I’ve always known I was bi but I repressed it. I had some experimentation with guys when I was younger but it never went further. Recently I’ve realized that I’m highly sexually attracted to men and women and I’ve accepted it. I had one short experience with a man but have decided to remain faithfull to my wife. At this point I can’t imagine coming out but maybe someday