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How did you get over your straight crush?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Etereo, Apr 13, 2019.

  1. Etereo

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    Wow. Thank you all so much for these beautiful (And funny!) responses. They really helped a lot and put things into perspective for me. Sorry for being absent for so long, was busy with offline stuff.

    I still find her very attractive unfortunately, but I'm at a much better place now, mentally speaking, when it comes to her. She's a very screwed up person, I've come to find. I don't think a healthy long term relationship could ever be possible between me and her, unless she went into therapy for a very long time. Or the rest of her life, even.

    Thanks guys.
     
  2. gaynonsense

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    I actually didn't get over mine. I told him about it and we actually agreed that our friendship was too important to both of us to let some feelings get in the way.

    Has it be easy? No. Not at all. It was a very hard growing experience mostly for me, and I actually called the friendship off for about a week because it was too hard for me.

    In the end, we pulled it off. He's still one of my best friends and I feel like we're closer for this, but I do want to stress it wasn't easy and x wouldn't have been possible had he not been so patient and understanding. But I still have some useful input despite my unique experience. I don't believe it's going to be possible to ever actually get over those feelings without serious distance and considerable time. I don't think that's the answer you probably wanted, but it's an honest answer.
     
  3. Etereo

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    Thank you and I'm so so happy that you two can still be close friends afterward. That feels so rare, doesn't it? Seems like the kind of reason most people would use so that they stop befriending you and it's so sad. Now it's just another reason why I should really move on from my ex-friend/ex-love since, if she's going to let my homosexuality be the reason for her to treat me like shit, then.... good riddance.
     
  4. Nightlight

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    For me it's impossible for me to completly get over any crushes. I get nostalgic about them from time to time.

    As common knowledge goes, you'll just have to wait for someone better. Until then, bordom and even suffering may ensue but don't give yourself in. You deserve more than a tease that will never give you what you need. Man those types of people are just.....selfish.
     
  5. gaynonsense

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    I'm very happy about it, it does seem pretty rare that these things work out.

    I honestly can't blame you for wanting to get away from her. It is pretty horrible of a person for them to lead you on and then totally ditch you like you say she has. Maybe try putting yourself out there, go to the club or get a ###### or something (whatever works for you). Finding someone else could possibly help get your mind away from the fantasies. I'm not really recommending a hookup, unless that's more your style, but sometimes I find the best way to stop worrying about something is to find something new to worry about.
     
  6. Bart13

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    My suggestion would be to really focus on the shitty things she did to you. I know that's bringing up pain, but through that you'll see that she's really not the person you would ever want to have around. If she's purposefully causing you pain, she's not a friend, and you should really walk away from that with that opinion in your mind. That's how I got over a guy I was really into, who wasn't straight, but was unavailable. He was super flirty one day, and completely shut off the next. This kept happening even though he knew he would never do anything about it. I knew it too, but at that time it was all new to me, so I really got swept up. I still get flashes of affection when I see him, but remembering the bad things shuts them down.

    I'm currently in a somewhat similar situation to yours, where I've fallen for a good friend of mine, who is straight and taken, so basically pointless². The problem in my case is that he's an amazing person and the more I got to know him, the more I liked him, to a point of actually falling for him. And the shitty part in me trying to get over him is that he's never been an ass to me, or anyone else really, and there's nothing really bad about him to focus on, to kind of kick him out of my head. Oh yeah, and he's in my main group of closest friends, so we're hanging out regularly, and if I wanted to get the distance from him, I would have to cut off my best friends, which is a no go. Sooooo I guess I'm doomed haha.
     
  7. Sebastiel

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    She told me that while she was "okay" with me being pansexual, if her kid ever came out as gay, trans, or genderqueer, she would kick them out of the house. All of a sudden, she wasn't really all that attractive anymore.
     
  8. Sebastiel

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    Basically, just remember that meeting people in queer spaces usually helps. Finding new people who share youe experiences can help you move on.
     
  9. Xirahii

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    I got over him, but it took an extremely long time (several years) before I actually moved on, because personality-wise I felt we were unbelievably compatible at the time.

    But I'm thankful I got over him when I did, since if I were still emotionally invested in him when he lost himself to substances and other unpleasant factors, it would have been very unpleasant to endure.
     
  10. Etereo

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    This has been helping me a lot, thank you. I am trying to actually magnetize her weak points and all the bad things she's done to me and it's working because I feel like I'm starting to hate her more and more each day. Hopefully the hatred will dull down into complete apathy someday, but I'm welcoming this new change of feelings now that she's losing her power over me. She's trying to be friendly with my close friends and they're all disgusted by her silly attempts in doing that. I just tell them to ignore her as much as possible.
     
  11. Etereo

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    Phew well, I really told her and her friend off for them trying to bully one of my friends and whatever tiny ounce of respect or attraction I had over her are pretty much gone.

    Onto greener pastures now. Sometimes it just takes looking at someone's inner ugliness to delete a crush, y'know?