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How did you get over your straight crush?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Etereo, Apr 13, 2019.

  1. Etereo

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    I've loved her since 2017, and we both have had periods of detachment as well as hatred against one another. We were close friends and then she pushed me away when she got a new boyfriend while she kept everyone else close to her. I was with somebody else when she and I were friends, but she would overstep her boundaries and flirted with me pretty hard despite her being adamant about being a straight woman. Last time I spoke to her was 2 to 3 months ago and I wrote her a letter almost begging her to leave me alone. She never respects that request so I had to go no contact.

    I don't think I love her anymore but I do still have a strong sexual attraction towards her even though I have not spoken or seen her for months now. I'm scared of going to the same places she'll be so I've managed to successfully avoid her. I think I'll be strong enough in a couple of more months, but.. I guess I'm just kind of angry at myself for still being so attracted and drawn towards her, even if only in my mental fantasies.

    How did you get over your straight crush? Do you ever really get over them at all?
     
  2. Ruby Dragon

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    How I got over my straight crush was by doing exactly what you're doing: Avoiding her. I still think about her, but those strong feelings are gone. We still text though, but haven't seen each other in person for many years. We're friends, so breaking off all contact is kinda dumb, because she's a good person. She's been in a relationship for about 2 years now, and I must admit - I was very jealous of him because he can have her and never me. Seeing how happy he makes her, though, has also helped a great deal getting over the crush. She knew about my feelings for her, and it hasn't affected our friendship in any way (not to my knowledge anyway). We will always have things to talk about, because we met through our mutual love of horses and -riding. That will never change :slight_smile:
     
  3. Ram90

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    Sometimes, we have to see a crush for what it is, a 'crush', an 'infatuation'. We are bound to find people attractive, funny, sweet, cute for a variety of reasons. Not all of them may go to the level of being crushes, but some will. I had plenty of people I had a crush on throughout my middle, high school and college. They all were older boys & men and were definitely straight. So I never approached them. Luckily for me, I didn't have crushes or didn't find any of my immediate classmates cute. That saved me a lot of heartbreak. So having crushes on people I barely even spoke to or ran into between classes or in the school bus was the same as finding an actor or an advertisement model attractive. They were unreachable, unattainable and off limits. I fantasized and maybe had wet dreams about them, but that's where it stopped for me.

    I was clear on reality and didn't let my fantasies define my expectations. As harsh as it may sound, that is what "never" let me get too involved or too into the whole fall-in-love with a straight person thing.

    If you feel disrespected your feelings and hurt you, then she's not a positive person in your life. Maybe you can try to cultivate other friendships, go on dates and stuff? Finding another (or more) positive people in your life can be a boon. You'll slowly forget the ones who spread negativity once you've achieved that. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Aya05

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    Distraction and plenty of time apart from that person. It hurst now, but eventually, after quite some time, you'll realize you are capable of moving on. It just takes a lot of time and distance, both of which are difficult to find.
     
  5. Cas girl

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    I get crushes on girls sometimes. But they are just sexual attractions. Which fissile out very quickly when I start talking to them. Try to focus on the girl's character. If you were in a relationship with her, do you think you would be happy? I hate to say this but she seems very self centered. And she doesn't respect your wishes. Tell yourself that it is very good that you are staying away from her. You are getting out of a toxic friendship. It will seem difficult now, but it gets better soon. I broke up with a friend ( she was slut shaming someone who was in an open relationship), that was the final straw. I actually feeling quite free nowadays.

    Try to make new friends, join a gym or a some classes. It will help take your mind of things.

    Don't worry. Every thing will take a turn for the Good very soon.

    Take care.
    V
     
  6. alwaysforever

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    Your story resonates with me a lot, as I struggled with a very similar experience. It's really effected my ability to trust people after losing so many people from my life over it. Years have passed, and life has gradually gotten easier, but "getting over it" is not something I would ever see happening. I have changed pretty drastically from the experience, and I doubt I'll ever be as open as I once was.
     
  7. musikk021

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    I was deeply in love with my straight best friend a long time ago for years. It took a lot of time (9 years) and distance (physical separation) to get over her. When we went off to college and I wasn't around her 24/7 and we talked less and less, the time and distance helped. I still missed her like crazy and continued to be in love with her even through our separation. But finally after about 9 years, I got enough time and distance and clarity on the situation to start forgetting about her. Long story but she treated me horribly and was verbally and emotionally abusive. I was blinded to that when I was so in love with her, but once I met a couple truly good people in my life who showed me what it was like to have someone be kind and loving to me, I realized how horrible she was to me and that helped me get over her, too.
     
  8. Harp Grey

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    I wrote a long list of all his negative traits and things that wouldn't work out in a romantic-sexual relationship between us. I read that list many times a day. I avoided spending time with him and didn't follow his social media. I also took care of myself, treated myself and did fun things on my own or with other friends. Physical strength training also helped me a lot.
     
  9. BlueMonday

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    I still haven't, lol. But I don't try to chase after him, after all, I have a boyfriend. I just eat him with my eyes.
     
  10. Tightrope

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    Time. Distance. Figuring it out.

    I've had some. It doesn't have much to do with their sexuality or availability and everything to do with liking how they look and their aura. You're attracted right away and don't know much about them. It's oftentimes a type thing. You really can't help that.

    They say time heals.
     
  11. faultyink

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    bold of you to assume i ever got over them :')
     
  12. AwesomGaytheist

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    The crap that came after having sex with a straight guy when I was 15 taught me that sometimes there’s a reason you can’t have certain things.
     
  13. Devil Dave

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    I agree with Phoenix, it doesn't sound like she was a very positive person in your life.

    The straight men I am friends with now are like brothers to me. Better than brothers, in some ways, because we never annoyed each other or experienced any bitter sibling rivalry. They look out for me, they make sure I get home safely after a night out, we don't fight or get jealous of each other's love life, we support each other's ambitions and console each other when we experience loss or failure, and we don't criticize or make fun of each other's imperfections. I might have found some of them attractive when we first met, but their loyalty and generosity towards me overrides any sexual feelings I might have had. They have become my second family. And you don't have crushes on family members.
     
  14. The Aquarius

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    All through school I looked at some teachers with very loving eyes lol. Now that I think of it they definitely noticed
    Many times in junior high and high school I fantasizes about walking up to my teachers I had crushes on and spilling my feelings out to them.
    Luckily for me I was very nervous in school so that never happened. Eventually I hammered in my head that maybe crushing over a married man with kids isn’t the best idea. So I moved on and dealt with it. I do still look at some on social media but once again I’m too nervous to ever message. (Good thing again)
    All in all it’s just a fantasy I suppose
     
  15. Tightrope

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    Married guys look at this in different ways. Most of them would not be happy about it. A smaller number would be flattered, especially if they are off the Kinsey endpoints. A few politicos and celebrities have gone off on homophobic tirades and have been asked to leave hotels and restaurants. Most of them have been good looking and have obviously gotten attention from men. It could also depend on who is doing the looking for some. Less than a handful of times in my life, I have been caught in those stares that are a hair too long and it was met with a minor amount of discomfort. I felt bad afterwards. I did not want someone to become uncomfortable.

    If the attraction is pushed along because they are married with kids, that's not really a good thing. The question to ask is if the exact same person in looks and behavior was G/B, would they still be attractive to you?
     
  16. jenne

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    thank god straight girls are a turn off for me
     
  17. The Aquarius

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    Definitely would be attractive to me in any way. Might even just be the teacher aspect of things too who knows. I was a teenager in the midst of puberty after all.

    As for married men being either happy or not with being looked at by another guy, I could not care any less. As far as it goes with me I check people out and if they don’t want me to tell me straight up. I won’t ever cat call or anything like that but if they really have a problem with it enough to tell me, I would apologize and leave. lol
     
  18. gravechild

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    I can't explain, but there's a sort of mental "block" that says "this far and no further"! Because there are stages of crushes, and some are stronger than others, the ones that happen with someone it would never work out with are more shallow. Attraction is always more enjoyable when both sides play.
     
  19. Tightrope

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    I am glad to hear they would be attractive to you irrespective of their sexual preference and status. That's mature on your part. That means you are attracted to the person and not to the notion of landing a potentially coupled hetero man to be a feather in your cap. It seems to be quite common, though.
     
  20. atomidog

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    I never did, to be honest. Could be my overbearing nature, but I really feel for and attach myself to people too much to ever let them go straight or not. I HAVE kind of numbed my romantic feelings and that's kind of worked for me. However they do bounce back up and while I do struggle with it it is my job to just hide them for the twenty-hundreth time. :/