how did you feel when you realized you were not straight?

Very confused. Thought there was something wrong with me, because I didn't like just girls, or just boys. (Didn't know that bisexual existed.)

 

I was so young that I didn't think it was a big deal and I didn't even think about how it wasn't really what everyone else around me was doing, so I was just ok with it in my innocence. The problem came when I grew older and realised it wasn't ok with other people and felt pressured not to reveal it and kind of scared.

 

Didn't feel much one way or the other after the first time I had sex with a guy.

About a year later, after I concluded that I wasn't experimenting, but was actually gay (based on all the evidence), there was a feeling of 'Right. Well, that's settled.' Followed by hunger and thoughts of 'what should I do for dinner?'

Todd

 

When I forst realized. For the first minutes or so...it was very surreal. Then the feeling of horror struck when I realized what was going to happen eventually.

 

Worried. At the time that I first thought I wasn't straight I was Christian (I'm not now though) so that was one anxiety and another one that has been more apparent recently is that my city is not very tolerant. Like some guy spray painted gay slurs on my neighbor's shed once because my neighbor hung out with guys a lot.

Now I honestly don't care either way. I keep quiet about it though.

 

Surpisingly, i didn't have any problems with it. I had been running an instagram account for LGBT things, as an ally, when I started to question. So when I came to the conclusion i was just like, "Huh. Okay.". Sexuality was easy for me.... Gender, not so much.

 

I was glad to feel that I was finally realizing my true self. Although for a while I was terrified of anyone finding out.

 

I had no issue with it.

 

Very confused.

 

I was in denial for so long because of my homophobic surroundings that it's hard to say exactly how I felt because I went from realizing to denying it again so many times. I guess I felt fear and desperation, each time I came close to admitting it for myself before denying it again. I knew that I was infatuated with girls, almost in love with some, but in my mind for a while I just pretended that it didn't mean I was gay, just that...I liked girls?
I was in so much denial, my rationale wasn't exactly logical.
I do remember, after a friend came out to me as bisexual, and I told them I thought I liked girls, the next day at school I felt paranoid, like my lifelong secret was out, even though they assured me they wouldn't tell anyone.
Then when I found lesbian role models, like Mary Lambert, I started to feel more confident in my identity. I loved the way I felt about girls, I loved loving them, so why should I feel bad about my identity? I should feel proud. ride:

 

I felt kind of relieved because things made sense but then after time I got more concerned and now I'm where I am now

 

Upon acknowledging that I had sexual desires toward the same sex, I was a little confused .. in denial .. and trying to ignore them for the most part. But when I was finally able to admit it I was like, "dang why couldn't I'd been straight?" Because things aren't as complicated for straight people as they are for gays. When you're gay you run the risks of physical assaults, isolation, unfair treatment, judgmental glares/stares, etc. If I had a choice whether to be gay or straight back then, I would've taken straight; and probably still would.

 

It was a gradual realisation.. and to be honest, I was never particularly bothered by the idea that I might be gay. The entire self-acceptance process was pretty quick and straightforward. There was never a time in my life when I thought being gay was a negative thing.

 

Alone. My life is over. I've failed my parents.

There were other times of feeling excited, or frustrated, or neutral, too.

 

Pissed off. I wasn't confused, I just knew what it meant and because of what people I grew up with thought of gay people, I always believed being gay was not normal nor good for me as a kid. I've gotten over it, but those early days were something else....

Oh I've felt the same way as well. I've had many days of each. One day happy, one day feeling like why me, and other days like oh who cares.

 

Firstly, I was confused and afraid. Confused because I was not sure about what was going on with me and afraid because society used to be more narrow-minded in the past.

 

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/dougthebicycle/index5.html



All of this. For a long time. Over and over again.

 

"I am a sinner. God please change me."

Now, I am thankful that He didnt change me

 

I am still a little confused because all my life so far I thought I was straight. But then, when I started looking at girls more some things are starting to come clear to me. Tbh, girls are way more hotter than guys

 

I guess I'm not that bright, because I didn't even realize sometime after I started noticing boys. I just put it in the back of my mind before then.