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How did you explain away your sexuality?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by crazydog15, Jun 4, 2016.

  1. crazydog15

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    And when I say "explain away," I mean to yourself.

    I know that the first time I felt those really good feelings looking (well, staring, really) at another guy was also the first time the other guy (or guys, in this case, about 15 or so of them) noticed me staring. And a few of them made it very clear to me and to the others that I was no longer part of their group. Bad deal.

    Anyway, I wanted to still be "one of the guys," so I explained away my feelings to myself in such a way that I wasn't this "gay" thing those other boys kept calling me. Maybe what I really wanted was power or aggression, to win against them, to dominate, that kind of thing. In the language and thinking of my own macho world, that was at least a plausible framework for me to use. But of course, it wasn't true, at least with regard to my sexuality. I definitely wanted to make them stop ostracizing me, and I definitely wanted to get back at them for their hostility. Neither of those, though, was a way to realize what I wanted deep down: I wanted sex and affectionate contact. Since that wasn't an option at the time, though, I shoehorned my experience into the only intellectual framework I had available to me.

    If you had same-sex feelings early on, did you do anything to try to explain them away to yourself?
     
  2. caliwoman

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    I had crushes on female teachers during adolescence. This was before I knew it was my parents version of wrong, so I was too young to understand.

    My first female crush was when I was 15 and then again at 17/18. I attributed those feelings to just being an emotional connection.

    At 17, I had an older man I'd occasional sleep with, discuss the possibility of a threesome (FFM). I approached him about it, but never followed through with it. I then put those feelings away because I always ended up heartbroken with women.

    I have had many crushes on women on tv. I always thought it was because they were nice, sweet, or smart. I convinced myself I admired them.

    At 33, when I fell in love with a woman, I convinced myself for over a year that I merely admired her and thus, had a platonic girl crush.

    Denial. It's a helluva drug.
     
  3. YeahpIdk

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    "Whoa, her butt... I just wish I had it, probably."

    "Oh, she said something about cuddling and potentially having sex? Well, really good friends play around like that sometimes, right?"

    "Do I like women because I watch all of this lesbian porn? Oh, it's probably just because I they're much softer because straight porn is too aggressive."

    **Cosmopolitan magazine confirms straight women can like watching lesbian porn over straight porn**

    "Yup! It's just so aggressive. Plus this girl's so hot. I'll only watch one more and then switch to straight porn, because this is getting a little weird..."
     
  4. crazydog15

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    Yeah, I still catch myself telling myself that I "envy" that guy's (insert body part here)...
     
  5. YeahpIdk

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    Haha, I just love the convincing myself aspect. Not, "whoa damn I wish I had that butt." But the, "damn, that butt. I probably just wish I had it." Silly brains!
     
  6. RosePetals76

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    I spent all of my teens and twenties trying to play off my feelings toward women. So what if my first crushes were all female? I was supposed to be with guys, right? Why didn't I ever think a guy was hot like my friends and why was my sex drive so low? That must mean I'm asexual or demisexual or whatever.

    I don't know exactly what made me stop brushing aside all the feelings toward women. I know that I started realizing I really did attract to women, and I really did want sex more than I had ever thought when I was with men. But it wasn't until just this year that I allowed it. I cried after the first time I was with a woman I cared about. Not tears of sadness or confusion, but tears of joy! That clenched it. I'm not straight, nor bi, I am truly a lesbian.
     
  7. Landgirl

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    I have a sneaking suspicion I will cry too, as and when I get to that point.
     
  8. kypso

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    Mine is so similar to Caliwoman.
    I had crushes on female teachers, fancied female celebrities and had intense crushes on females in my life. Each and every one I thought it was just an admiration of them
     
  9. CameOutSwinging

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    I just told myself I wanted to have sex with guys. Not be romantic. And it was find if I had sex with guys. It was easier than finding girls. But guys weren't for dating. You didn't have feelings for guys. You just had sex with them. It's simple.

    Somewhere in my brain, this still tries to make sense...oye haha.
     
  10. SillyGoose

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    When 1 out of the 2 friends I've told about my sexuality told another of my friends who is a bit homophobic, I told him it was a joke..
    I'm quite known for joking and saying things that nobody takes seriously amongst my friend group..
     
  11. yeehaw

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    This is interesting to read. I noticed that there were certain women I had a hard time being around. I got really nervous, super self-conscious about my body posture, I couldn't figure out what to say. I can see now that I was really physically attracted to those women, but at the time what I said to myself was that I had a weird inexplicable unpredictable social anxiety that only happen around certain people. I just took it to mean that I was anxious in a weird and intense way.
     
  12. Flatulentius

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    Yep, that was me. I was totally convinced that I had major body image issues because I "envied" every hot guy I saw. So, uh, yeah, it turns out, most of that was mis-identified, and was instead what the kids these days are calling "gay"... :icon_redf