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How can tell her my problem

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Leynz45, Jul 27, 2020.

  1. Leynz45

    Regular Member

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    I have a date with a girl in three days.She is gorgous.I think she like me to.Im very happy if she will be my girlfriend.If that happens do i tell her that i have a fear about my sexuality?Iam a really honest man
     
  2. Nic2552

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    Yes, it’s important to admit your truth, if she likes you then she’ll accept you for who you are. Also tell us the outcome
     
  3. AnxiousJB

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    I agree with being honest, but if you are unsure I'd maybe suggest not telling her on the first date. You don't have to tell everything about yourself at that point, and she might be put off if she's not sure about something and a lack of surety in your sexual orientation may be a red flag for someone. You won't be dishonest in not opening up straight away, so long as you feel you can be honest with her later, and she might be the one for you if you're straight.

    I'd suggest you approach it with a clear head and see how you feel through the date and subsequent dates, if the first leads to more. It will help you with your questioning for one if you approach it with an open mind. If this does lead to something more you can always be honest later when you know you can trust each other, saying that when you first met you were unsure of your sexuality, so you won't be lying to anyone and if it's unsuccessful you probably won't see her again and she won't feel messed about with.

    Of course if things progress and you're still unsure, then do open up to avoid potential hurt in the future, but I don't think you have to be totally open about these things straight away, so long as you realise you need to be open at some point before love blossoms truly on either side.

    I have dated more than one person simultaneously, while in the very early stages of dating and have not told the dates about other dates I have, because there's no need at that stage. If I start to get more serious with a date I'll stop dating others and lose interest in those who are less interesting to me. I don't see the harm in this so long as I am careful not to lead anyone on to the point where they think they might be getting serious with me when it's not reciprocated. Likewise I don't see the harm in you keeping some things under wraps while on the first date or two, until things progress.

    Just to reiterate, there'd be nothing wrong with telling her on the first date, but it might put her off. However, be aware that you will need to tell her about your doubts at some point before it gets serious if those doubts persist. My talk of keeping things under wraps only applies while the dating process is early and no sense of hurt is likely from it ending early, I feel.
     
  4. Chip

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    I might not talk about it on the first date. I would also describe it as having an issue with anxiety, which you're seeking treatment for, rather than as a fear about your sexuality. The reason for that is that what you've described (in other threads) does not sound so much like a genuine, credible concern about your sexual orientation so much as a disordered thinking process that's causing intrusive thoughts. They are very different. One is simply a mental health issue, and the other is fundamentally an issue of what your sexual orientation is. If we look objectively at what you've described, there's -zero- indication you have actual attraction to guys, and thus, if you work through the anxiety, then you'll be able to be present in the relationship.

    To be fair... a well-adjusted person may not be comfortable being in a relationship with someone that has an untreated (or, more precisely, unmanaged) anxiety disorder. So if she's genuinely emotionally healthy, you may not be ready for this right now. But it's still worth a try.