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How can I know for sure what I am?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by AbelGa, Apr 24, 2020.

  1. AbelGa

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2020
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hello, everyone! So I am 20 and never really thought much about my sexuality... that is until my therapist suggested to me that I have been "avoiding intimacy" as a "defensive mechanism." Needless to say, I gave that absolutely no consideration, that is until I suddenly had nothing but free time and it's all I can think about. So... here's the deal, I have never been invested in men. My sisters talk to me about guys and I always say the same thing "I can see why you think that, but I don't really think he's cute." I've been on a few dates with guys, never really liked them, kissed one of them, felt nothing. I figured at the time that I just wasn't into him. But now that I'm actually sitting down with my feelings (which is yucky and big time uncomfortable) I'm starting to think I'm just not into men. But I am definitely attracted to women.

    I guess my concern is....I've been avoiding these feelings for so long, now that I'm actually exploring them, how do I know for sure that I am gay? My sister keeps dropping hints that she thinks I'm gay (she is not subtle but at least she does it privately) and I kind of want to talk about it with her, but I feel like I need to be more confident in my answer before we have that talk.
    When did y'all feel sure enough about yourself to talk about it with anyone?
    Any advice of any kind would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Laurennnn

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2020
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hiiiiiiii welcome to EC!
    Okay, so here's my advice. Hopefully you see this :slight_smile:
    I'm out to like everyone except my super-conservative grandparents, but I don't really feel like telling them anyways. It was something that I thought about for a while but really didn't struggle with - I live in a very open-minded community and I'm part of a Unitarian Universalist church, which has nothing to do with God in the slightest and is the most aggressively liberal place in the world. I'm super lucky to have come out to such a supportive group!
    But that's definitely not how it goes for everyone. Getting the confidence to come out is never easy, even if you're sure about your sexuality and everyone is supportive. We live in a very cis and heteronormative society that makes coming out difficult for everyone in different ways. You may not be completely sure about your sexuality, but that's totally okay. If your sister has been hinting that she thinks you're gay and doesn't seem bothered by it, I think she might be the best person to talk to. Talking to someone will feel sooooo much better, I promise.
    Just know that there's a huge supportive community waiting to help you if things don't go as planned. And you don't have to be sure about your sexuality to tell someone about it - you might even be able to decide whether you think you are for sure if you talk about it!
    Your therapist is definitely right - it might feel icky to think about, but confessing your feelings, even just to yourself, is so much better than pushing them down.
    Good good good luck!