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How can I help..

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by B1lat3ral, Mar 15, 2023 at 7:10 AM.

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  1. B1lat3ral

    B1lat3ral
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    I want to help my kid who came out at couple years back. I see struggles ahead and would like to help getting trough it... without me coming out myself.. I know.. but its complicated... just got past mom 6 months ago.. not ready for the kids.. Do I let it be?
     
    #1 B1lat3ral, Mar 15, 2023 at 7:10 AM
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  2. mnguy

    mnguy
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    Talk about the Kinsey scale with them, it's all very scientific, it's just numbers like height, everyone has one.
     
    #2 mnguy, Mar 15, 2023 at 10:47 AM
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  3. Rayland

    Rayland
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    Just be present and be open. Encourage dialogue and be curious about their life and let them know you are there for them. See signs, if something seems to be wrong.
     
    #3 Rayland, Mar 15, 2023 at 12:18 PM
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  4. quebec

    quebec
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    B1lat3ral.....You don't have to come out to someone to be supportive. What @Rayland said is spot on...be there for them. Be available when they need support. Listen to them...especially be sure to let them know that you will listen to them! :old_smile: So many kids don't feel like they can talk to their parents about important things...particularly sensitive topics. If you can let them know that they can talk to you about those kinds of things then you will be the kind of parent that many kids wish they had.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #4 quebec, Mar 15, 2023 at 5:31 PM
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  5. B1lat3ral

    B1lat3ral
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    I know and understand the struggle being experienced as I was going though it my self. Did speak to my wife about my worries, in a subtile way, so that we have a unified of support. Therapist suggested I get in touch with our local LGBT support org specifically geard and see if I can introduce some support with others the same age. David, your pointed out something I didn't think about. Sharing my experience could do more harm than good and just being there can make a difference.
     
    #5 B1lat3ral, Mar 15, 2023 at 10:15 PM
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  6. 74andConfused

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    I wish you the best. Can’t really offer advice at this point but want you to know I’m hear to support you. I just joined a couple of days ago and am starting the coming out process for myself very late in life. Wasted so many years and I am so sad about that while being so happy, excited and hopeful.
     
    #6 74andConfused, Mar 17, 2023 at 10:41 AM
  7. mnguy

    mnguy
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    How would talking about your own identity do harm?
     
    #7 mnguy, Mar 18, 2023 at 2:54 PM
  8. B1lat3ral

    B1lat3ral
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    I am not fully out, if I can say it that way. Still have not rapped my mind on how to get there.

    For my kid I came up with a solution, dont know if it would work though. Going to find a movie that touches on the issues being experienced, I have some ideas, and will randomly pop it in. Will it work?
     
    #8 B1lat3ral, Mar 19, 2023 at 4:14 AM
  9. Rayland

    Rayland
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    I think this is a very good idea.

    Talking about identity isn't harmful, but to avoid confusion especially if the person don't feel ready coming out to their kid themselves, then it's good to be subtle and it allows you still be supportive parent for your kid. :slight_smile:
     
    #9 Rayland, Mar 19, 2023 at 4:57 AM
  10. Mirko

    Mirko
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    I echo David's and Rayland's suggestions on being open and being their for your child. Creating that all important safe space for them to talk about challenges they might be encountering or fears will go some ways to show you are wanting to help.

    Listening and waiting for them to share things when they feel ready is likely going to build trust.

    Have you had a chance to speak with them, letting them know that you are there for them, and support them?
     
    #10 Mirko, Mar 19, 2023 at 10:41 AM
  11. B1lat3ral

    B1lat3ral
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    I am trying to be there and support in ways I can.. I try to stay in the trend and up to date with what I think they would find important, trying to ask questions where I don't understand and let them come explain to me (although I know the answer) which does create a sense of being more in tune with one another.

    But the notion is true, I can be there.... and do a better job than my dad (well put the effort in I think) .. think being bi does let me relate and understand bit better where its heading too.
     
    #11 B1lat3ral, Mar 19, 2023 at 12:42 PM
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  12. Mirko

    Mirko
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    I think you are approaching it in the best way you can, and are putting in the efforts, already. You are doing everything you can to build trust, listen, and be there. You can sympathize and empathize. Try not to let the fear of coming out yourself, get in the way of providing the support you would like to provide, and are in many ways already providing. :slight_smile:
     
    #12 Mirko, Mar 19, 2023 at 1:16 PM
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