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How can I get passed the anxiety?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Shallow waters, Jan 23, 2020.

  1. Shallow waters

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    I know I have to just bite the bullet and say it, but the anxiety is always so strong I always stop. How can I make it through the anxiety of coming out so I can go through with it. I want to feel free.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Well I am sure you will get there. There are a few different things you can do depending on what feels best to you. You could tell someone via email, or text if you find it really hard to bring the subject up or get the words out. If you really want to do it face to face and say it then another option is to tell someone beforehand that when you see them there is something you want to talk to them about. That way when you do meet they will most likely bring up the question of what you wanted to say and be ready to listen.
    Do you know who you want to tell?
     
  3. EleanorHunter

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    Whenever I have a hard time saying something (not just coming out, anything anxiety related), I tend to write it out beforehand. I list all the points I want to make and the things I want to say. Having that kind of script in the back of my head helps me out. And usually, the hardest part is the initiation of the conversation; once you've started talking, it most likely won't be all on you to keep it going, and you won't need to follow an internal script as much.

    silverhalo also had some great suggestions! It doesn't always have to be face to face. The nice thing about coming out is that you can do it in the way that makes you feel comfortable.
     
  4. Lek

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    I think the two most important things to keep in mind about telling someone you're gay is 1. Do it when you're ready and 2. Do it when you you're safe (i.e., if you're living with your parents and/or rely on them for support, perhaps wait until you're on your own).

    As for what to say, I found that thinking about the reason I wanted to tell a person I was gay was helpful: "I want you to know because you're important to me." Nesting the news in a positive way: "I'm going to tell you about why I am so happy now." But also acknowledging that I was nervous or even scared helped me to reduce my anxiety levels: "I'm nervous because I care for you love that you're in my life."

    I like EleanorHunter's idea about scripting what you want to say. By scripting, you can examine what things are important for you to say, but realize the script is for you. You cannot really write a script for what the other person might say. You might prepare resources (PFLAG and websites) if the person seems negative or has stereotypical.

    As SilverHalo said, letting someone know that you have something you want to talk about when you get together is a good way of priming them for listening. You also make a commitment to yourself to have the conversation.

    Good luck and keep us posted.
     
  5. SemiCharmedLife

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    Have you thought about writing a note? I generally find I communicate better in writing than speaking because I can make sure things come out the way I want them to
     
    #5 SemiCharmedLife, Jan 26, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2020
  6. Shallow waters

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    Thank you all for replying! I don’t necessarily have trouble saying the words, I just have trouble on stopping myself from going through with it. Same thing going for notes. I’d have a lot of anxiety just trying to leave it or hand it that I would probably burn the paper. :s
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Well I think it is something that will get easier. What do you think it is that makes you want to stop yourself? Do you have a specific fear or thought that makes you not want to go through with it?
     
  8. Shallow waters

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    I mean I fear the awkwardness and also it is scary I know I fear something but idk what it directly is.
     
  9. silverhalo

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    That's ok, sometimes it is difficult to pin down exactly what it is. Before I came out my biggest fears were that I had got it wrong. I worried that I would come out and then fall in love with a guy. Also that my friends would all start thinking I was checking them out and that it would become awkward but neither were true. Are your friends and family generally supportive towards LGBT stuff?
     
  10. Shallow waters

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    I know that my dad wont care that much but most of my friends are homophobic but they are all the friends I can get here right now so I keep it secret from them.
     
  11. silverhalo

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    I think that definitely makes it harder. Do you live in a generally homophobic area or is it just your group of friends?
     
  12. Shallow waters

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    The area is homophobic in my experience :s I know that this friend doesn’t exactly hate gay people, I am scared that they might not keep it a secret. Even if they think they can tell someone about me and they will be secret about it that person can spread it around till it just explodes like a bomb.
     
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  13. silverhalo

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    Yeah I can understand that. It definitely makes it harder, there is no rush you will know when the time is right.