Because right now, I'm not. I think I'm starting to get past the depression and revenge-seeking thoughts that I had while trying to process coming out late. I'm going through a phase now that my hetero peers got to go through in high school. That really sucks, and I resent them and the entire world for it. Okay, that's where I'm starting from, and I think I've told everyone who I want to know. So how do I get excited about my present and future? What I'm going through is bittersweet, that's the best way I can describe it. Good that I'm finally getting to treat myself as a wonderful human being; sad that it's happening years later than it should have. Simply focusing on the positives won't make the negatives go away, and it won't make me forget about them either. They're still going to be there. So how do I truly start to feel really good?
There's something a dear friend taught me, it's a little song they sing. "Rule number on is that you gotta have fun but, baby, when you're done, you gotta be the first to run." They mean run after your dreams, don't just chase them, catch them. As simple as it sounds, it can be the hardest ting in the world to do, have fun every day. Each night before bed ask yourself "Did I have fun today?" You should answer yes, honestly. Now ask your self "Am I still alive?" Again your answer should be a honest yes and, that doesn't mean just existing, breathing, that means feeling truly alive. If you've answered both questions "yes," perfect, you can get up an do it again tomorrow. Lessons from a very wise friend. Before I met my friend, I wasn't doing those things or, asking those questions. I took the advice and, started doing it. You know what happened, my mediocre, so so, I'm getting by life turned into a life I adore filled with fun, possibilities and, there are no limits to where I can go, or what I can do and, that's exciting. It doesn't cost a dime and, it doesn't take much of your time either, even one minute of fun counts as having fun for the day. Give it a try, it might work for you too.
A quote from my counselor on the same feelings posed to him "don't dwell on the past because you change it, don't worry about the future because its not here, live for today because it's all that matters." Hope it helps some!
I know personally, I often forget to zoom out a bit and look at the things in my life that happened or materialised easily. Good things often happen after hard work and struggle, but a lot of other things just glide into your life relatively unnoticed and you neglect to realise how lucky you are. So maybe start with gratitude? In other words, appreciating the things that you have. Appreciating the positive things that happen to you, no matter how small.
