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How can I accept being Trans?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Hamman2020, Mar 24, 2020.

  1. Hamman2020

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    Hi all! After years of hesitance I've finally taking the step of deciding to explore my gender identity and talk about it. I'm male and in my early twenties, and it's still hard to talk and describe. In short, I wouldn't say I exactly suffer from gender dysphoria, I don't feel totally disillusioned with my gender or dislike myself. I only realised that I potentially have gender curiosities when I was 18, and ever since its scared me ever since simply not wanting to address it. Not that I'm downplaying it, but it only feels like a separate part of me.

    However, I can obviously tell I've been born differently. Throughout my whole life, I've found it very hard to create friendships, which has always been heartbreaking. I'm not a shy person at all, yet I've never really belonged in a social group but it's obvious that its something to do with my sub-conscious or 'soul'. I've primarily come here because I'm lonely. I've learnt how to mentally deal with this, but by now it's clear that my life is never going to change unless I address this other side of myself. It's like I have no choice but to start talking about it.

    Right now I'm only opening up to it, but haven't thought about it any further. My main question is 'How can I gradually accept being trans?'. It's still a really emotional and scary thought to me, and I don't have any idea what to do and how respond to it. My main reluctance exploring it is is that it partly feels like I'm now 'disowning' myself since I don't totally dislike being male. It feels very hard to accept as of right now because it just feels I'm admitting that being the person who I am right now isn't and will never be good enough to have a happy life I've always wanted. It feels like I'm 'defeated'. I worry about who I'd become. Will I still be the same person? Same interests, music taste and other things? Will who I am right now just disappear?

    I have absolutely no idea how to accept potentially being trans, it's still a very emotional, alien and scary subject to talk about. Yet I know that I have no other choice, and right now I need to learn how to come terms with it and eventually accept it. I'm really hoping there are maybe trans people on here who felt the same way before they transitioned for some input. How can I accept being trans, when right now it only fills me fear and contempt?
     
  2. Marss

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    Okay! calm down baby T. Take some deep breaths!

    Right, first of all make sure that you’re trans and not a feminine man. (Nothing wrong with that at all if you are, it’s wonderful.) Some feeling of Gender Dysphoria is a key indicator, however small it may be. Definitely start to read up on how Gender Dysphoria can impact your life, even in ways you might not realise.

    Secondly, from my own experience, you don’t change! you just become more of who you are. Some tastes may change but they’ll feel right, not bad.

    Third, you don’t have to identify with being trans. even if you are. Plenty of non binary people don’t associate themselves as trans. (Though, many others do.) It’s all about your preference.


    Hope this helps. x
     
  3. Katelyn93

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    Hi there! I hope you're doing okay beyond the obvious and self explanatory confusion that's led you to seek support. It's not easy and one tends to try and take it all in as a whole, in one go, when most of us probably need to take it one step at a time. Take a step back and look at it as objectively as you can an abstract painting if you know what I mean.

    Try talking to a psychologist, maybe a gender therapist if you have access to one, if you've got any close friends that you feel confident would be okay with whatever you tell them, maybe share it, get another perspective, once someone else also treats it like it's no big deal, it sort of helps in a weird way to make you feel less anxious about it in my experience.

    Then it may help to know that being trans doesn't restrict you, it frees you, you aren't like myself saying that you feel specifically like you're on the other end of the binary from where you physically originate, you're using the open term, which is perfect for exploration because it isn't so restricting nor a strict label. You are you. How that presents or physically manifests should complement you, it would make you more you, it should feel right.

    Try that which appeals to you, and then evaluate how it makes you feel. Try it a couple of times if you're not sure. Stuff like painting nails, changing your pronouns in self speech or asking someone close to do so in private, even these forums might be good, try a slight wardrobe change or grow your hair a little. If you feel drawn to it or like the idea, and you're able to do so without getting into trouble, why not?

    I believe it's important to be kind enough to yourself that you allow the exploration and discovery, before you judge or dismiss it. I kicked back against the idea of being trans so hard before I even tried to entertain the idea that I rejected myself on behalf of all my friends and family before I even gave them a chance. Obviously I was just rejecting myself. It's horrible. Now most folks around me know, I just haven't physically transitioned due to my relationship but that's... Complicated.

    Anyhow, everything will be alright, just take small steps and be safe. It doesn't all have to happen at once.
     
  4. Hamman2020

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    Thanks both of you, I really appreciate your inputs. I guess I did come across quite strong, but it's just a very emotional thing for me to explore since I'm not yet totally comfortable with it yet, which I what I hope to achieve soon. I guess what I'm asking is, is there any first steps accepting this? I just feel really lost with it and don't know what do. I'm definitely not comfortable dressing up or doing anything visual, I just need to come to terms with it. Thanks again!
     
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  5. Marble Jar

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    Hi Hamman, maybe you could try working through a book like 'You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery' by Dara Hoffman-Fox. I'm sure there are loads of others, but i read that and found it really helpful.
     
  6. Marss

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    Best tip is to forget about it, if you’re trans then it’s naturally a part of you. What really helped me was watching trans You-tubers. There are so many trans people who fully accept and take pride within themselves, being transgender can be a wonderful positive experience, it’s not all about hating yourself. It’s all about perspective. x
     
  7. Hamman2020

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    Thank you, that's exactly what I'm trying to learn right now. I'm only simply acknowledging it and just need to learn how to embrace myself, but it's just hard how too gradually. I'm no way thinking of anything visual right now, so no make up or dressing at all. I need to learn how to accept it, just wish I knew how. Think I'll be exploring other people's stories
     
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  8. Marss

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    Definitely! it’s honestly the best place to start. :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Marss, Mar 30, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2020