I am ftm and want to ask my parents about starting hormones but I don’t know how. I’m going to be 17 in a couple weeks and my mom is dead set on me waiting until I’m 18 and I know it doesn’t seem like that long but I want to start them by the time I graduate high school and I want to have my family involved in the process. My dad is pretty supportive and I know that if I talk to him about it he will be on board but I need to convince my mom. I’ve researched a bunch of stuff about hormones and I’ve talked to her about it a few times but she always brushes it off. I haven’t actually told her I want to start the process of getting hormones but I want to tell her soon. My therapist thinks that it’s the best next step for me and has offered to talk to my parents about it but I feel like this is something I need to do myself. Every time I think of talking to her about it I feel like I’m trying to come out all over again and I start to get anxious and panicky. I just want some advice for talking to her about it and if anyone has any ideas on how I could get her to listen to me or that could help convince her that it’s the right thing for me to do.
I know talking about this stuff with your parents can be scary. In a sense it is like coming out again. If your dad will be supportive, I would talk to him first. Perhaps he can help you figure out how to approach your mom- and if not, at least it will be some practice so you aren't as anxious when you talk to her. Make sure you've done the research. I'm sure you have already, but your parents will want to know what all this entails so it's best to brush up and be sure your information is correct. Bookmark some relevant pages if they'd be willing to look at them. When I talked to my mom, if was a bit different situation- since I was an adult I was going to start regardless, and just wanted to let her know my plans. I ended up sitting her down and starting with "I've been looking into taking testosterone." The I explained why and answered her questions. For my mom, I felt it was important to be fairly blunt about how I had felt over the years and how taking T could help with that. For example I told her about the anxiety I had over my voice and how it hindered me in social situation and the classroom, even with the "deep" voice (for a girl) which I had worked hard to develop for years-- only T could give me a more masculine voice. Another key thing for me was that T (eventually) stops your period; she already knew how I had struggled with this since it started and understood I wanted it to stop. Your thoughts/reasons may be different, but if you explain, it can help your mom to understand why this is so important to you. The questions my mom had-- What does T do, and what doesn't it do? What are the risks? Why do you want to take it- how will it help you and what effects do you want from it? Is there anything that worries you, or you may not want, and how would you deal with that? Why is starting now better than starting later? And she was worried how this would impact my life. For example, would I be able to find a boyfriend/partner? Would my friends be okay with it? Would I be visibly different, in a way that might cause others to target me? So I spent some time reassuring her it would all be okay. (And it has been! Everything is great so far, haha) Your mom might have similar questions, wanting to know how taking T will help you in a way something else can't and how it will impact your life- good or bad. Be honest with her and even if she doesn't understand at first, keep talking to her about it. You got this, bro It will be okay.
