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Homosexuality related to familial bonds and role models?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by idsm, May 1, 2019.

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  1. idsm

    idsm
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    I am a gay woman in my very late 20s. Not out at all and I don't plan on coming out ever (unless something significant happens and makes me reconsider). I never really got along with my dad. Let's just say that we are incompatible characters. I don't have any brothers or grandfathers and although I do have a couple of uncles none of them was close enough to have an impact on me.

    My question is if (and to what extent) my gayness could be related to or even stem from my bumpy relationship with the only male role model in my life. I don't have any background in psychology or psychiatry, so I would particularly like to have some input from a professional, but I want to this to be an open discussion for everyone to share their experience.

    So, any thoughts? :slight_smile:
     
    #1 idsm, May 1, 2019
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    All of the data we have indicates that, while familial bonding may have some small influence, it is not causal. Sexual orientation appears to be fixed either before birth or very early in life.

    In cases where there is sexual trauma in childhood, this can alienate someone from the sex of the abuser, but this would not cause same-sex attraction so much as create fear or anxiety toward opposite sex attraction. People who are gay or lesbian and do not have trauma issues are generally "meh" to opposite-sex people rather than revulsed, if that makes sense.

    What we do know is that even if there is some influential factor that might in some way contribute to bringing out same-sex attraction, it is not possible to change sexual orientation. The evidence on that is abundantly clear, with hundreds of studies over 6+ decades showing that efforts to change sexual orientation have never been successful.

    This also tends to reinforce the idea that orientation is predetermined rather than imprinted by familial bonds or other factors.
     
    #2 Chip, May 2, 2019
    Lalayajen likes this.
  3. Al92

    Al92
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    When I started to question my sexuality, and did not accept it I started to investigate a little bit on the subject.

    Because of my background and how I've been raised (almost absent father, etc.) I thought that it could be the cause of my "condition".

    But now I agree with what Chip said. It looks like the "gayness" comes from very early in life, and though not completely understood yet, it seems that there can be many factors that contribute.

    Empirical evidence, however, suggest me that the absence of a father, or a weak male role while growing up is not a determining factor.

    Almost every gay person that I have known, have had both parents present.

    The last time I dated a guy, he told me how good his relationship is with his both parents, and how much he loves them. Yet he confess he had this "gay thing" in childhood that caused him some bullying problems.

    I had two friends in college who are brothers. I had a crush on one of them, and nowadays I conclude he liked me too (I conclude he is gay or bi though he never was direct with me, but there were situations where it was more than evident -like when I noticed him getting erections when around me). We became good friends, and I got to know their parents. I could see a strong-bonded family with both parents present and their children happy to be under their arms. The other brother is undoubtedly straight.

    With these two guys I sometimes felt envy (in a good way) that these folks could grow within a loving and caring family, and felt happy for them. Also thought that maybe if I was raised in a family like them I could have been more happier and less gay. But you see, they are still gay, so that proves me wrong.
     
    #3 Al92, May 5, 2019
    Last edited: May 5, 2019
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