So, I've been working at my job for a couple of months now. One of the downsides is the amount of casual homophobia that occurs in the workplace. For instance, there is spray paint calling someone gay as an insult. Unfortunately, with the rise of Monkey Pox cases, there have been a fair few jokes about that as well, calling each other gay and suggesting that the other has contracted the disease. It's also used to suggest something is uncool, e.g. "Wow, this is your taste in music? What are you gay?" HR usually stays out of the way in the head office. I don't think she cares as it probably hasn't been reported as an issue. No one seems to mind. It's not the best, it can feel awkward when people are debating over who is "the most gay" in the office. Lately I've been wondering how I might potentially deal with questions. No one has asked me about boyfriends, thankfully. I think it's fair to assume that they think I'm straight. Frankly I bet it'd be awkward if I came out / casually mentioned it, I can certainly imagine a future where people are making gay jokes, awkwardly pause to apologise to me, then continue. Makes me wonder what a future might look like if I started dating someone.
I don’t think it’s necessary to come out at work especially if this is the environment but there’s good reason to try to stop these a-holes in their tracks as there may be other not-out people who are equally uncomfortable and possibly scared. If you have the wherewithal to “confront” these jokers, you could always (innocently) ask why that’s funny. Ask them to explain their jokes. How it’s funny. They won’t be able to. It’s impossible as it’s not funny. The idea is to take all the wind out of their sails and make it too uncomfortable for them to repeat these kind of things. If they want to know why you care so much, just keep saying you want to understand why it’s funny. Whether you’re gay or not should have no bearing on enjoying a joke AND working in an inclusive environment.
I suppose it depends on whether or not you think they will become actively hostile if they know. My mentality is always that my personal life is not the business of people like that, so I would just lie to them or just stonewall them and change the subject. And if you start dating someone and it becomes inevitable that they will find out then stand your ground if they give you any trouble. Sucks you even have to be thinking about this sort of situation.
Wow this is crazy and I'm sorry you're subjected to that! Do they mean gay as in the stereotypical ways or as in how they use gay to mean the worst of the worst? Either way it's wrong. You're not the only gay person there and certainly people have gay family and friends so does no one care about them either? They'll say they don't mean anything by it, but they must on some level need "others" to look down on to feel ok about themselves. It's no wonder kids are bullies at school when they learn to demean others from their parents who are still doing it at work.
My co-workers use the word gay to mean feminine or camp, viewing the two as one in the same. They seem to compete over being masculine and so called 'true men' as it were. My office is predominantly male. It seems to be a badge of honour, a way of teasing and gaining a sense of superiority over others. It's fitting that you mentioned school, as my workplace does somewhat remind me of when I used to be in high school. I gain the sense that if I came out, I would be accepted, since their issue seems to be with gay men specifically. However, considering the rather limited view my workplace seems to have, they'd probably cast their doubts since I don't fit into their preconceived notions. It's a tricky situation as they are the type to complain about how 'no one can say anything these days' and I don't particularly want to be that co-worker who ruined everything. Can't say I'm particularly surprised, before taking this job I was warned by my boss that the conversations wouldn't be all sunshine and roses. I plan to stay at this job for at least six months. However, I do intend to leave in the future - I don't want to be stuck living in the middle of nowhere for the rest of my life.
Your observations sounds spot on and how pathetic they all sound, not manly in the least making fun of others. Their mentality of "can't say anything" is like a child not getting their way and pouting. Do they realize all that hate on gay men causes the assaults and murder of gays? Like the ones in Australia chased or shoved off cliffs? Maybe post articles about those guys and I bet your co-workers will think that's what they deserved. Tragic. Reminded me of this article and how those guys are teaching their kids to be the same. https://www.npr.org/2022/06/28/1108...dicalization-and-how-to-talk-to-kids-about-it A quote from it: Learn the signs of radicalization It's really important to know when your kid might be falling down the rabbit hole. What are the signs you should be aware of? Saxman told me to really keep an eye out for the kinds of jokes your kids are reacting to and making. Be particularly aware if they are beginning to engage with humor that dehumanizes others, in particular gay, transphobic and sexist jokes. Disguised as humor, it gives people with racist agendas plausible deniability, because it's "just" a joke. "Joking around LGBT issues," Saxman says, "... is a very common entry point for many different conspiracy theories. So the jokes get worse and worse, and then the content gets worse and worse ... almost like a Venn diagram, if you can imagine — the ways in which they can use each of these different levers to pull you in. Because once they've normalized this kind of dialog that it's okay to dehumanize gay people, it's okay to dehumanize women, that we believe that there's this Jewish cabal running things, that's the stepping stone to go deeper and deeper."
Definitely not right. That being said, I am not sure that all have malicious intentions. Many in the blue collar fields act like Alphas, but truly are more Deltas or, at best, Betas, following one or two Alphas unquestioningly, which is dumb. Many do not even know they are doing it. At heart, they are probably good people that need a wake-up call the to the BS they are part of. Some probably know it is wrong, but to fit in, follow the strength of the Alpha. The scary part is that the Alpha is truly the homophobe in the worst meaning of the word. Many of the Deltas and Betas are homophobic, but not homophobes. There is a difference. Obviously, these are my viewpoints, but I have been in the blue collar industry for over thirty years and have seen and experienced a few things. Being locked in a steel tube (submarine) with 135 other men for up to three months at a time, you see things. Including what you mentioned above. It takes a strong soul but comments dropped about how you don't see the humor, or is that really funny, or would you say that to a relative you love and know is LGBTQ+ work pretty well. If there is huge pushback, back off they are either truly homophobic or believe only what they are told by a homophobic Alpha. I agree, unfortunately MANY blue-collar workers are very immature. A lot are not, but in my observations and experience, the majority are. This also means that many truly do NOT realize the hate spread by homophobic jokes and actions does increase the assaults and murder of gays. Rather than fight the hate with anger, fight it with a strength of will and surety, lead by example and educate as you go along. Firmly and steadily, but know using too big a hammer can lose the battle and force them into self defense to the point where reason has no say and only learned hatred has its way.
