How does one deal with a homophobic doctor? Or I don't know what her deal is, just ignorant, like I don't know if she's against lgbt, but she acts and implies she doesn't believe I'm a lesbian. When writing in my chart(gyno), she said "you think you're a lesbian?" And later saying, just casually "yeah, alot more people are thinking they're gay now that liberals are talking about it more in the media", I've known I was gay for long before that, I've known for years, I've been out for years, and I knew even before then. And, why is she like that? Because I don't style my hair in a butch way or dress a certain way, and don't have a partner at this second, therefore I'm not a lesbian, what the hell?? I'm reeling now and so frustrated. This is the second doctor who doubted my sexuality(others are fine, or at least the ones I did come out to, some I didn't bother. I read a gynecologist should know, but I feel no need to tell a foot doctor.)
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's unnerving enough for most people to go to the doctor, and to have your most basic identity questioned is painful and grossly inappropriate. What part of the country (or, for that matter, what country) are you in? The sort of bigotry you are describing is unfortunately more common in some areas than others, but as far as I know, ethical regulations should not permit the sort of bigoted comments and implied discrimination your doctor is making. This would be especially true for an OB/GYN. So depending on the state, it might be a reportable offense, or at the very least, should be grounds to get you assigned to another doctor.
I'm in the US, and while not comfortable saying what state, it definitely is a Blue state and very liberal, for the most part, which is what made this more surprising. I know what you mean by location, but can say this state is definitely liberal. Their site claims they're great with lgbt, the hospitals they're affiliated with say they're great with lgbt, but I've found that, over the years, to be at face-value. Even the ones who weren't bad at all, they just weren't educated on it at all(still professional and chill with it, just didn't come across it often or have many resources.) So, I've been finding that more and more, but only twice where they switched their attitude and questioned me. I won't get into the first experience, but she said she didn't believe lesbians are real, they're usually just confused or bi. I'm just angry and frustrated, it took me a long time to get over the first doctor, and I hate that switch, they're very sweet and nice, then I drop the bomb and may as well have said I mutilate cats for fun, the way their face drops and they change completely and become so grave.
Wow! That’s insane that she would question you like that. I’d find another doctor if that’s an option.
Really sorry that you had to go through this. Nothing sucks more than having to think about the most basic shit through the lens of "how do I make sure I'm not discriminated against?" The trick is to be as forward as possible through the phone before you go in. Before you give your name or get an appointment, ask them if they are lgbt friendly. They have to answer with a straight "yes!" or else its best to walk away. If they think the question is weird or act like a lot of people don't ask that question, then chances are they aren't lgbt friendly. Since you are in a blue state, contact your local lgbt center and ask for names of doctors who are lgbt themselves or have a proven reputation with the community. If you live in a blue state and city, trust me there are around 5 - 10 doctors in your local community that cater to nearly 80% of the local lgbt population. My doctor's waiting room is always 90% lgbt people even if she is straight herself. This might be hard for you to do since you are closeted, but its honestly the only way to make sure you are getting a good doctor.
True, I'll make sure to do that. It's a little tough because my insurance is really wacky and it's so difficult to find any doctor in the first place, you have no idea how many times they've given me names of people who are no longer in practice, hadn't worked at said office for over a year and a half, had moved to a different state, or just don't take that insurance. Seriously ridiculous and annoying, all the misinformation. Tangent aside, I feel that helps me feel there aren't that many options in the first place. As well as their sites say lgbt-inclusive, but it would probably give me a better idea by actually asking a person and reading their response, like you said, if they hesitate or just act like they've never had to think about that before, etc. Ugh, it's frustrating, but I guess I need to shop around more and be more direct upfront. Thank you for your response though, I hope I didn't come off as arguing with you; it is good advice, I just mean given the circumstances, it's a little difficult when alot of places say they're lit and inclusive, then when asked about it, I've caught them off guard or some gave the impression of being inclusive of everyone as long as don't ask don't tell. That's kind of what I mean when I say I've been finding alot of this state supports lgbt at face value.
It is and its ridiculous that we have to do this shit. Sadly, it will get worse before we see progress on this. That being said, there are wonderful doctors out there! There are also doctors that are practicing check-ups online that might be an option for you and still covered by most nation wide insurance plans. The search is worth it so don't let them win. Don't let them take your right to healthcare away from you. A good doctor who you can trust and be honest with can save your life later on. Fight for it. This irks me. Where are you getting your information from? Later on when you have energy to deal with, you can also do a review online or call someone to complain about what you have been experiencing. I honestly don't understand where you are going for your care since it sounds like you are talking about a website from... a big provided but that each doctor has their own views? Not quite sure what you mean. Sadly its harder to give advice not knowing where you are located, but I understand your need for privacy. Has the local lgbt center sent you to the wrong doctor before?
I echo those above me in saying that I’m sorry you had a bad experience. There have actually been some (although not enough) studies of physicians’ self-confidence in working with LGBT patients compared to their actual knowledge of LGBT health issues and skill in working with LGBT patients, and unfortunately it’s not uncommon for physicians to overestimate their own skills and knowledge in this area. Some organizations keep directories of LGBT-friendly physicians, but unfortunately there’s often not a lot of (or any) vetting done before someone gets added to many of these directories, so even though the doctor may appear to be great, what you wind up getting may not actually be what’s advertised. It could also be that even though the hospital/organization may make LGBT health a priority, the individual physicians may have different priorities or opinions. Regardless, the things this doctor said to you are completely improper, and it’s best to find someone else (many people use word-of-mouth to find LGBT-friendly providers, some hospitals have LGBT-specific patient navigators to help people get connected to the right physicians). Also, it may be worth telling someone within the management or administration of the clinic/hospital where this doctor works about your experience (if that’s something you feel comfortable doing), because that’s behavior that someone needs to work with her to correct.
