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Homophobia at Church⛪

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by FemmeQueen, Jun 13, 2019.

  1. FemmeQueen

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    So this week at my church we’ve been having 'Vacation Bible School' and being around church folks all week is already mentally exhausting me. I am a Christian and I want to continue to grow my relationship with God. I'd rather do it in a less judgemental setting. There have always been mean people at my church but a few that I think are actually genuine human beings. I have been going because my mom is teaching a younger group of kids this year and people will talk mess to her if I didn't show up. She didn't force me but I AM going for her. In the teen bible study group, I'm in, we have actually had good discussions but there has been a lot of judgemental topics. One of the girls in the class hasn't been back since Monday and I think it's because they offended her. I usually try to stand up for what I believe in but when they started talking about homosexuality I was sitting there nodding like a dumbass because I was determined to not get clocked. I hate myself for it but I'm just not ready for the backlash. The way they talk about it absolutely baffles me because they actually believe being queer is a sickness or a big hoax that needs to be 'prayed away'. I just felt sick on the inside, once it was over I had to take a moment alone in the bathroom and compile myself. My mother used her intuition and found me and consoled me and said that these people think backward in that regard and I can't internalize it or wear my heart on my sleeve. The gag is one of the ministers teaching our class has a daughter around my age and she said she thinks people are actually feeling those attractions. They dismissed her of course and I feel bad for not defending her. I can tell she isn't straight because queers know queers and my mom peeped it too. I actually think the minister's daughter is cute and she acts interested in me tbh. I’m not trying to get a girlfriend though. I AM NOT ready for that and it is NOT happening. Anyway, I'm honestly dreading going back but luckily it's my last day there because my work shift tomorrow is in the afternoon.
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    Hello there,

    As much as I think we need to stand up for and support each other whenever possible, it is totally understandable why you didn't defend her, and that's ok. The toxic environment certainly makes things much harder.

    This is just an idea, but what if you eventually sent an anonymous note for her, telling her she isn't alone? That way, you wouldn't directly fight the homophobes, but it could make her feel better. Of course, I'm saying this considering that wouldn't be a risk for you - if it could complicate things for you, then I advise you to not do it or at least be careful if you want to do that. It's just an idea that crossed my mind.

    By the way, have you and your mom considered going to another church or group? There are LGBT+-friendly religious groups and they could be a much more positive experience for you, instead of a negative one.
     
  3. FemmeQueen

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    Thank you! that sounds like a really nice idea but I'm scared I would put me or even her at risk. It is definitely something to think about though if anonymous. For what it's worth, I still talk to her and be friendly and I even gave her like job interview advice. I think she is so sweet and I want to be there for her even if it's not in an LGBT+ type of way.

    I honestly think my mom is stuck on this church tbh but we travel to NYC each summer and I could see if we could go to an LGBT+ religious group up there because I'm too scared to do anything local.
     
  4. gayfish96

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    My city has a very kind and supportive Methodist Bible study group for gay men. I found it on MeetUp. Some have different beliefs about how to handle their sexuality (not all are Methodist, some are Southern Baptist) but we all understand how personal each of our struggles are, and we can't be getting in the way of people's relationship with God. Maybe your city has something similar? Going to both it and your regular Bible study for your mom might help you to remember to focus on getting closer to God, not giving up because people tell you you're no good.

    It's hard to be a righteous person. We say evil things to people when they are mean to us. We wish to hurt others when they've hurt us. We start neglecting others when we've been neglected. We stop giving charity when we see druggies on the streets. We let the world turn us into something we don't want to be. We forget that we are god's children, and that we are commanded to be a righteous people. We forget that all things come from God, that our souls are ever in God's keeping, and that we are but stewards of whatever we possess. We forgot that God gave us another day, knowing that our lives are a blessing to the world, that we can be a leading example for everyone, and make this world a better place.

    Maybe one day we will remember that God gave us this day for a reason, and we should not waste it. We need to do what we were supposed to do, not waste time bickering and tearing each other down, getting no work done.

    We need to remember our imperfections and work together.
     
  5. FemmeQueen

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    Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I don’t know if we anything like that in my small town but a nearby city in North Carolina might. I go to a support group there actually as well. Thanks for reminding me that I can still be a Christian regardless of my sexual orientation. God is love and love is love
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    I was having a discussion earlier today about the concept of hell from the Christian perspective and there were a number of differing views about it. I said my idea of hell was spending an awful lot of time in the company of overly pious and zealous Christians who create a hostile atmosphere for anyone who doesn't think like them. One of the other people in the discussion asked if I was being sarcastic, to which I replied "no". I honestly do find that style of Christianity utterly nauseating.

    The main thing to remember is that hostile Christianity isn't as mainstream as the shrill voices would have you believe. I know you have a particular problem with churches like these in the United States and it sounds like you've had a gut full of it this week, but in many parts of the world Christianity is more moderate and grounded and there are a good number of denominations in your country that take a very different and more sympathetic/loving line. Seek out churches that are Christ focused, rather than politically focused.
     
  7. Jakebusman

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    I go to church and hear all the talk that lgbt is a choice and a sin I do believe in God but don't believe in sinning I was born Bisexual it wasnt a choice !
     
  8. FemmeQueen

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    Thank you, Patrick! and your idea of hell is spot on. A lot of alleged Christians like to go on and on about how god is love.
     
  9. FemmeQueen

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    but they spend time being hateful, it sounds very hypocritical. I don't think my mom is willing to change churches but I'll definitely talk to her about visiting more Christ-based churches
     
  10. FemmeQueen

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    PREACH JAKE! that's exactly how I feel!
     
  11. Jakebusman

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    Glad you and me are on the same page
     
  12. Rachel9245

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    I met my first girlfriend at church. Let me rewind... I walked into the youth group meeting convinced I was straight. Then people were making of fun of this girl for being gay. So, as the good Christian I was, I'm a big fan of the underdog and saw how hurt she was. So, to make her feel better, and I don't know why I did this... I said "Its okay, I'm gay too". Like as if she said she liked mustard and the kids were making fun of her so I just joined in the minority.

    Anyway, I immediately realized what I had said when her eyes lit up and then I was like "wait just kidding I'm not gay".

    Long story short. She was persistent on trying to figure out why I would say that and that eventually led to her being my first girlfriend. And surprise, I'm gay.

    But yeah. The youth group leader said really awful homophobic things so I get how you feel. My only advice is to not absorb any of it. Anyone who brings someone else down when they are not causing harm to anyone is a miserable person. This is going to be ironic but I hope you pray for the people at your church who are saying these horrible things. They probably need it.

    And you don't have to out yourself to have an opposing opinion or stand up for others. You can counter the hate and preach love. :fist: