Hi

Welcome to EC. Take your time. When you're ready to open up will be here.

 

Eh you are not going to know all the answers right away. Just pick a direction and start moving forward and figure it out on the way. It can be a process, but just have fun on the journey while you learn and grow. I've been out for a year and I'm still learning new things about myself and the gay community that still blow my mind.

That's pretty dope you already have a gay friend. You both could share in the journey and go to LGBT groups and events together. However, it sounds like you may suspect you have feelings for her and you're not exactly sure what that means. For now I would put those feelings on the back burner and focus on you and your journey, so things don't get complicated right off the bat. Dating friends is tricky enough as it is to begin with, and if you both pursue feelings together later in the future you must take it very slow to protect the friendship and shared social circles.

Just prioritize you.

 

HI welcome to the EC family tell us about you

 

It's not common but you certainly can. Romantic and sexual attraction have distinct differences but they usually go hand in hand. It may take you some time to discern exactly what your feelings are because you may be misplacing mixed emotions while trying to figure things out..

For example when I was much younger I was super jealous of girls and there was some attraction there, but it was misplaced. I confused that attraction and envy towards women because I was just projecting on them and I was gay all along. I'm not saying that is your case but I'm just trying to show how easily it is to misplace attraction and your feelings when dealing with the unknown and discovering yourself.

Try not to get hung up on your friend and explore all your options. Avoid tunnel vision.

 

As your friend is already out, she will probably understand your feelings. Perhaps if you shared with her, you can explore the source of your feelings with someone who is already better understanding of their own.

The thing is that you might just have felt that your friendship was threatened by the introduction of another woman, in a way that you wouldn't have done necessarily had she dated another man. You could be misinterpreting that as attraction, but there is already a level of attraction, as she is already your friend; it doesn't automatically follow that it is sexual attraction.

Just be mindful though that, as the subject of your feelings, your friend could be uncomfortable, but hopefully supportive.

 

Hey welcome to EC.

Wanting to be close to a girl but not knowing I was attracted to them is pretty much the way I started questioning my sexuality too.

 

I guess that depends if you are asking the me back then or the me now. The short answer is no, looking at it now, knowing what I know now, I don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to a boy. I am not repulsed by the idea but equally it doesn’t really do anything for me. Growing up I thought I wanted a boyfriend and I could tell you which ones I thought were most attractive but apart from that I was kind of neutral. I alway put my lack of ambition or drive to get a boyfriend down to my shyness and social awkwardness, but perhaps that wasn’t really the case.
Once I realised I was attracted to women I had no desire at all for a boyfriend and I have never looked back.

 

Sorry for the late reply I didn't see your second message. I'll just tell you the short version. I realized I was Bisexual in middle school before I started to date, but also had a lot of internalized homophobia. I didn't even know being gay was possible before everybody started making homophobic jokes about it. I had an abusive home life and grew up in a homophobic environment so it wasn't safe to try and come out back then. I did date a handful of women and I enjoyed it before those relationships blew up in my face. I didn't come out until much later in life and started to actively date men until last year.

The type of woman that I liked was more of a tomboy and assertive in nature. But most of them wanted a guy more masculine than they were or turned out to be butch lesbian. Which is completely fair - I totally get it. When I was younger I was more attracted to women. However over the years I slowly lost attraction to women and gained attraction to men to the point I identify as gay now. I could see myself dating a very masculine woman, but the chances of that are so minuscule that I honestly don't care anymore. I enjoy dating men the most anyways and they have everything I'm looking for.

 

At the time it pretty much felt like a bolt of lightening, although once I’d come to terms with everything and looked back there were lots of signs. I had always felt like I wanted a best friend, turns out I actually wanted a girlfriend I just didn’t know it.
The lightening bolt moment came whilst I was watching an episode of sugar rush and suddenly literally sat up in bed and thought ‘damn I definitely think I’m enjoying this more than the average straight girl’.