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hi there please help :)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by yourpalcas, Jun 15, 2020.

  1. yourpalcas

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2020
    Messages:
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    Location:
    pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    i’m having a crisis

    i’m afab, and for a little while i didn’t really know what my gender was.
    when i first learned about nonbinary identities, i immediately jumped on demigirl because i knew i wasn’t female but i was so used to she/her pronouns, and i thought anything else would be difficult to get used to
    then i kinda just gave up on that because “if my pronouns don’t change then why do i bother identifying as demigirl?”

    what i didn’t realize at the time is that the only reason i was clinging to she/her pronouns was because i was absolutely terrified of the idea of not being cishet. i was raised in a very religious household, and my whole life i was taught that the lgbtq+ community was full of sinners and abominations, and so the idea that i was part of the community was absolutely terrifying.

    so a few years pass, and i decide that i can’t take it anymore. at this point, i’ve accepted the fact that i’m lgbtq+, but i had given up hope a long time ago in being referred to as anything other than a female, so i had just been identifying as a girl. i knew that i wanted to use they/them pronouns, but i didn’t believe that anyone would ever use them for me, so i barely even bothered. ((i had come out to two of my irl friends and asked them to call me cas and use they/them pronouns, and they ignored it. they still deadname me and use the wrong pronouns to my face to this day, and that really didn’t help with that problem.))

    eventually, on one platform i decided to make a new account and try using they/them pronouns, but as soon as i did a face reveal thing, even with constant reminders in the face reveal itself that i used they/them pronouns ((because trust me, i know i look feminine)), people immediately started referring to me as a girl and using she/her pronouns again, which made me leave that account, and it made me give up again. only recently did i decide to try again, but this time i eased people into it. i started by saying that any pronouns were fine, then i started saying that they/them were preferred, and then i singled it down to just they/them. i also made a few new friends while using strictly they/them pronouns, and that really helped.

    now, i’m having a new issue. i’ve identified as nonbinary for a long time now, almost 2 years, and i’ve finally gotten people to start using they/them pronouns for me, including someone i know irl ((who, granted, is also nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns themself, but regardless)), and now i’m beginning to question if i’m demiboy.

    i love how they/them pronouns make me feel, but i also feel very odd about he/him. not odd as in uncomfortable, but odd as in i kind of like them? but at the same time, sometimes i hate the idea. it makes me feel weird. the thing is, i have no desire to be seen as male, but being called a boy is sometimes okay??? i have no idea what i’m feeling and it’s so incredibly confusing. it’s like i absolutely hate the idea of being seen as male or a man, but for some reason “boy” is okay on occasion? and i just- i have no idea what this means. i’m incredibly confused, and this has been eating away at me for so long. i just want to be done with the identity crises, this is my third one in 2020 alone. it’s very stressful.

    thank you ahead of time, it really means a lot to me.