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Hi there, just checking in

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Jul 21, 2016.

  1. baristajedi

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    Hi friends,

    I just wanted to give a little update of sorts about how things are going. Thanks yuanzi and Jjanon for checking on me. (*hug*)

    The last few days, and even now, I find it hard to write, hard to put words to my feelings and to articulate in any coherent way all the stuff that's happening right now.

    I suppose at this point I feel overwhelmed more than anything. I'm feeling as if the anxiety is a bit more manageable, but I still have a perpetual lump in my throat, and feel like I'm constantly having trouble breathing. But I'm starting to see clear steps and actions I need to take to move forward.

    Honestly I'm not doing great. I'm still feeling a little like this part of the process, exactly where I am now, is happening at the wrong time, just a bit early. At the point that it all came about, with my husband pushing, and me, stupidly being honest, I was still working on convincing myself on how this life (separating) will be better for my daughter as well as myself and even my husband. But I don't have the luxury of whinging about it now and I just have to trust my instincts and move forward. I know that I ultimately want to build my life with a woman, whom I could feel is my true partner. And even if i don't find that I still want to live true to me, to be gay and to embrace who I am. I know my daughter will benefit more from seeing her mum and dad in better places rather than living with two unhappy angry parents.

    I just, I find this part gut wrenching. There are so many things I don't want to lose, and so much pain I don't want to cause. And it's a bit like sticking a knife in my own belly.

    My husband is less angry, I don't know how long that will last. He's being ok right now. Partially reasonable as well.

    I don't want to talk about him, honestly.

    Yeah, so...sorry this update doesn't say much.

    Thanks, to all of you guys, for always being there. (&&&)
     
  2. HappyGirlLucky

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    I was just literally thinking about you a few minutes ago wondering where you had gone. The Later in Life forum with all the regulars has almost become like a virtual The Planet café (from The L Word) for me. I come here first thing every morning to drink my coffee and catch up on what you all have been up to, and sometimes post when I feel I have something to add. I think many here feel similarly too, like you're part of a group of friends, and we miss seeing you around you when you're gone.

    Thank you for posting this update, to let us know what is going on and that you may not feel like writing for a while. I really hope things get better for you soon! You will get through this!! (&&&)
     
  3. Jjanon

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    Im really sorry you're having such a hard time. It's hard seeing you suffering when you've been so warm and compassionate to so many others, myself included.

    Being true to yourself seems like it really is the most important thing. Even if it's coming St the wrong time,youre still working toward being honest with yourself and others. You couldn't choose to be gay, you just had to play the hand you were dealt. Same goes with this process.

    Good luck and I hope you start feeling better about everything. You've got lots of people behind you here. (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
     
  4. Katchoo

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    Thanks for checking in. We're going to get through. Hugs.
     
  5. RosePetals76

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    Bariest, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time right now. Hopefully things will become easier soon.

    Happy girl lucky, you're so right! This group has become our little clique. I look forward to reading what's in here daily.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    you have been on such a good run of fantastic progress, its to be expected that things will pull back a bit. Just look at where you have been and where you are, how you have gotten here, and with the same effort, you will be able to get through this bumpy road just the same.
     
  7. CameOutSwinging

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    Barista, always remind yourself of how strong you are. You have to be to be the supportive person that you are to so many of us here. Stay strong!
     
  8. CapColors

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    Hiya darling. I was wondering about you. Take care and keep us updated. Taken in summary from all your posts I think this seems like the right path for you, even though it's a difficult one.

    HUGS
     
  9. Bunny45

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    I wish you weren't having such a hard time. Thanks for checking in, I hope life cuts you a break soon.
     
  10. findingjoy

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    (*hug*)
    Hi,
    Sorry you're going through this. I live alone and don't have any 'attachments' and having difficulty so I can't imagine how hard it must be. Your posts have really resonated with me - so maybe I'll take a guess here - you're changing/giving up a lot of very tangible things for what now is just a feeling.

    If that feeling is true then it's not just 'worth it' but as you so beautifully put on your 'It all makes sense now" if it really means what we think those feeling mean then it we will never be complete if we don't 'go through with it'.

    And I really mean your words made being gay beautiful to me - not just lust.
     
    #10 findingjoy, Jul 21, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2016
  11. BrookeVL

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    Thanks for checking in Jedi! Hang in there, you'll be fine.(*hug*)
     
  12. baristajedi

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    Thanks so much everyone for all of your support (&&&)
     
  13. LostInDaydreams

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    (*hug*) Sorry you're going through a very hard time. Trust yourself to know what's best.