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Hi.. so.. age?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by icantthink, Sep 29, 2017.

  1. icantthink

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    I guess i should introduce myself since i know i'll be looking at all the happy coming out stories on here for... ages. I'm the extremely closeted trans boi hiding in your closet. and my closet. and everyone's closets. yeah. i don't know if i'll ever come out since i'm a pretty nervous(?) person and i guess that's not really a way to live my life but oh well. i really don't feel like anyone would take me seriously if i said i was a boy at 14 so that's why i'm here. waiting until i'm old enough that it doesn't sound stupid if i come out.. or not. i mean i'd like to but i tend to see the worst case scenario, and i just don't see it ending well. what age is a good age to come out? i know a lot of people say 'there isn't one' but seriously. at what age would you take someone seriously if they said they were trans? because i just dont think that's 14. :/
     
  2. Creativemind

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    Actually, people have known they were trans as young as five years old, and I would believe them then. Sexuality takes a while longer as kids aren't in puberty yet, but gender is innate and can be seen at very young ages.
     
  3. Morse Code

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    I still haven't truly come out, mostly because I don't have a close circle of people and don't really feel that it's anybody else's business. Only you truly know when it's time. I believe that. It probably happens when it becomes painfully obvious that one is living a life that is not really theirs, it's just an illusion and doing so is no longer working.
     
  4. icantthink

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    I feel like that NOW. I just really don't feel like i'd be taken seriously by my mother if i told her i was. that's my main problem which sounds stupid, but i'd feel comfortable being out to everyone but my mother. and she's always been nice and understanding so i don't get why i feel this way. i think she hinted at knowing not too long ago because i'm trying to get my hair cut and she's like 'are you becoming a new [name]?' and i said yeah kinda and she said 'but what's wrong with the old [name]??' idk i feel like she'd be on board but at the same time i dont and it makes me nervous to think about it. i even get headaches sometimes.
     
  5. StarRunner

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    For myself, I think age is irrelevant as to when a person comes out as being LGBTQ. When a person of any age has determined their orientation and the last step is coming out, then they have already been through the grinder questioning themselves, struggling with it, and have come to accept themselves. That can happen at any age. It still seems somewhat discriminatory to me with the pressure we put on LGBTQ youth for coming out so young. There's an assumption they may be confused and need time to sort out their feelings. If a kid were to come out as heterosexual at the age of fourteen, no one would even question it. You know when you know.

    As far as coming out goes, there's no deadline to tell anyone. I think the best way to approach it is to carefully pick the people who mean the most to you that can handle the information in a mature and informed manner. It can be a best friend, a family member or a trusted professional, such as a teacher or counsellor. Your mother may or may not know, but if the thought of opening up is making you nervous, I'd probably be inclined to let that scenario play itself out a bit more before opening up. If you are having difficulty in connecting with people and need some support before coming out, then perhaps you may want to consider getting in contact with some of the LGBTQ community groups in your area and build up a network of support. The link below may help connect you to resources close by.

    https://www.gov.uk/guidance/advice-and-support-for-lgbt-people

    One of the things I found inspiring was the selection of the Grand Marshall in our Pride Parade in Ottawa, Canada last year. Charlie Lowthian-Rickert is a 10-year old transgender youth who has advocated for equality for transgenders in the school systems and through legislation.

    http://ottawacitizen.com/news/local...advocate-chosen-as-pride-parade-grand-marshal
     
  6. icantthink

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    The whole confused/need time/too young to know thing is why i'm nervous to 'come out' and that's why i want to wait till i'm older, cause i feel like i wouldn't be taken seriously. and i appreciate the link you've sent me but i'd be far too scared of my mother finding out to even consider getting in contact with anyone until i'm like 17/18+. thank you though. it is appreciated.
     
  7. icantthink

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    I know that, and i think everyone on this site would take me seriously, hence why i don't mind/am not nervous being here. But a lot of people say the whole 'oh you're too young to know' thing and i think i'd be really upset if i actually had that speech given to me, so that's why i feel like i should wait, although i really don't want to. basically, i feel like i should wait out of fear of my mother giving me that speech and/or getting upset/annoyed (i don't think it'd bother me if anyone else said it).
     
  8. Clanofhope

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    I group in a Muslim house hold so I know what it's like to live with religious parents

    As long as you're under their roof some parents won't allow their kids to make their own decisions Lord knows what my parents would've done
     
    #8 Clanofhope, Oct 6, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 6, 2017
  9. Clanofhope

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    But at the same time parents really do care about their children they just want what's best for you sometime's it's not in our best interest

    Some times we have to go our separate ways it's what I did
     
  10. Clanofhope

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    It's two different types of parents the one's that accepts their children and the others that don't it'd take the second group of parents to get with the program some may never understand like mine won't and that's why I will never come out to them
     
  11. Mazely

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    I agree that people can know they are trans at any age, but I knew I liked girls very young. I had my first crush when I was like 6. I still remember her name: samantha. I started coming out at 16, but I knew other people that were coming out at 14. However, none of them came out as trans. At least not in my local area. I guess it depends a bit more on where you live and what people generally believe there.
     
  12. Creativemind

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    I liked girls at a young age too (7) but little kids are less likely to view it as a gay or sexual thing. They usually don't know until preteen years even with childhood experimentation.
     
  13. quebec

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    icanthink....I'm not trans, but for some reason I have a serious "connection" I guess I could say to the trans community. I think it is partly because of the difficulties that so many trans folks face. I know how hard it has been for me and my heart hurts for those who have an even more difficult path. So two thoughts for you...

    1) Instead of just bluntly coming out and not being taken seriously, is it possible for you to gradually start changing how you present yourself? You mentioned cutting your hair, how about also slowly changing how you dress, perhaps work out a somewhat gender-neutral "nick-name" to start using. Just some low-key changes that might eventually lead to your parents starting to understand how you feel. They will very likely start asking you why you are changing and that would allow you to slowly tell them...perhaps just a small piece at a time, how you really feel.

    2) Have you looked for trans youtube videos? Alex Bertie...his channel is therealalexbertie is an FTM youtuber from the UK. He is so great and you can follow his transition from pre-to-post. Also jamiedogger is a UK FTM youtuber who would be good to watch. There are a ton of others...believe me you are not alone!

    Hang in there and understand that even at 14 you are the one who decides your future....yes for now you are underage and what your parents choose for you is pretty much what you have to do...but it will not always be that way. I knew by age 10 that I was different and by 14-15 I knew for sure that I was gay. You are not too young to know who you are but as you mature you will for sure find out more and more about yourself....David
     
  14. icantthink

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