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Hi from England

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Shell87, Dec 18, 2017.

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  1. Shell87

    Shell87
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    If I was just coming out I think they could get their heads around it, there is only my mum and dad, my brother wouldn't care. I am the one who holds everything together in the family and I think they would definitely see separation due to being gay as selfish, ruining my good stable life so to speak.
    My husband and I have had our issues and it hasn't been perfect, my mother always takes his side which is infuriating and I wonder if she would do the same if we separated.

    How do you feel your family would react?
     
    #21 Shell87, Dec 19, 2017
  2. DCSC

    DCSC
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    I know my brother (he is gay) would understand up to a point, my sister would be ok about it eventually I think. My mother would see the break up as more of an issue, she thinks my partner is amazing etc. She accepted my brother, she even had her suspicions before he came out to her. It goes against my father's religious beliefs so I don't think it will go down well with him. He doesn't approve of my brother at all and he's very stubborn. They are civil and polite to each other these days, but that's about it.

    Unfortunately I live in quite a backwards part of the world, a small place where everyone knows everyone and it can be quite suffocating. I've known my partner since we were 12 years old but only started dating after I graduated. My brother moved away to London immediately after graduating; apart from his family he had nothing to keep him here. I'm not particularly close to my brother but I have been playing with the idea of asking him for some advice as of late.
     
    #22 DCSC, Dec 19, 2017
  3. Shell87

    Shell87
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    I also grew up in a small rural village where everyone knew everything about everyone, thankfully I escaped when I went to University, only an hour away but it's nice to be away from it. My dad isn't overly accepting of anything really but I think he might understand my leaving him, just not the gay part.
    Yeah, maybe try floating something with your brother, I am sure he will be happy to offer some support as he will know what it is like.

    Since writing my last post I thought, hang on, my parents haven't been perfect, my dad has been married 3 times and his current wife is younger than my husband... My mother never remarried, but she certainly wasn't perfect growing up, or supportive now, so why should I be so bothered, maybe because if I was to separate from my husband I would need someone for support, Mary Poppins might be a better option though .
     
    #23 Shell87, Dec 19, 2017
  4. DCSC

    DCSC
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    Mary Poppins :laughing:

    Seems to me that you have nothing to prove to them. We all make choices in life that others might question, but in the end we are adults and we are the ones making that decision, not them. It's so hard not to be bothered by what others think of you...much easier said than done. I am a serial worrier and I definitely get that from my mother who is so wrapped up in what others think of her it's unreal.

    What about outside of your family, do you have anyone who you can turn to? Friends?
     
    #24 DCSC, Dec 19, 2017
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  5. Shell87

    Shell87
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    Thanks for that .

    Most of my friends are my husband's friends. I worry about telling anyone, especially since they might tell someone else or something gets back to my husband. I could probably tell my brother but he tends to come to me for words of wisdom .
    I am a very independent person and I know that I could make it work alone but the thought of my children being apart from their dad because of my actions is hard to swallow, they are ultimately why I am still in this situation.
     
    #25 Shell87, Dec 19, 2017
  6. DCSC

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    You're in a very difficult situation, you sound like you've done a lot of thinking about it and a decision has been made in your head, and an hounarable one at that.

    You may well already have done this, but have a look around the other discussion boards/threads. There must be others who have been/are in your particular situation?
     
    #26 DCSC, Dec 19, 2017
  7. Shell87

    Shell87
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    Yes I have looked at other threads, I was rather surprised at how many people are in my situation.

    You sound as though you have also made your mind up regarding your situation, but I guess the thought of actually going through with it is very scary. I know if I was in your position, I would go for it, you deserve to be happy!
     
    #27 Shell87, Dec 19, 2017
  8. DCSC

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    Ah that's nice of you to say, thank you :slight_smile:

    I'll be leaving it alone until the new year at the very least, too much going on at the moment.
     
    #28 DCSC, Dec 19, 2017
  9. Shell87

    Shell87
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    Yes, here's hoping for an uncomplicated Christmas and who knows what 2018 will bring.....
     
    #29 Shell87, Dec 19, 2017
  10. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @Secretme and @Welshgirl,

    I just wanted to welcome you both to EC. :slight_smile:

    I am in a long-term relationship with a man, we have a young daughter, and I have not yet discussed my questioning (or the result of that questioning) with him. I started questioning about three years ago, which eventually led me to EC. I've found it to be a massive source of insight and support. I hope you both find the same thing.

    There are a few of us in similar positions (or have been in similar positions). You might like to post in the Later in Life section. I am aware of what a rollercoaster ride it is; scary, happy, sad, up and down, and going in circles. You're both welcome to post on my wall too, if you like. I probably won't be able to help much, but it's always good to know that you're not alone.
     
    #30 LostInDaydreams, Dec 19, 2017
  11. Shell87

    Shell87
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    Many thanks LostInDaydreams, much appreciated!
     
    #31 Shell87, Dec 19, 2017
  12. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    You're welcome. :slight_smile:
     
    #32 LostInDaydreams, Dec 19, 2017
  13. DCSC

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    Thanks for the support! :slight_smile:
     
    #33 DCSC, Dec 21, 2017
  14. DCSC

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    @Secretme

    Hey there

    Just checking in really, been a while since I've been on here...

    How are things now, any changes since Christmas?
     
    #34 DCSC, Mar 21, 2018
  15. Shell87

    Shell87
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    Hi,
    Things are a little stressful, I have separated from my husband, for multiple reasons, upto and including the gayness ;-).

    How are things with you?
     
    #35 Shell87, Mar 23, 2018
  16. DCSC

    DCSC
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    Same here, split up with the boyfriend around 3 weeks ago. Feel so much better for it, hope you feel better too in and amongst all the other feelings!
     
    #36 DCSC, Mar 23, 2018
  17. Shell87

    Shell87
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    That's great, so a fresh start?

    I do feel much better than I did. I am still in the closet though which comes with its own stress, it's a lingering sort of stress.
    My mum came over this week for a few days and I was sure I was going to tell her but the words just would not come out, I felt 12 again lol.
     
    #37 Shell87, Mar 24, 2018
  18. DCSC

    DCSC
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    Yeah I didn't mention the whole questioning my sexuality thing at all, the main reason I left was I realised that I wasn't in love with him anymore.

    It will be a fresh start eventually, once we get the house sold. I plan on moving away and have job interview next week, so we'll see how it goes. In the meantime I'll be moving back in with my parents, yay :neutral_face: haha
     
    #38 DCSC, Mar 24, 2018
  19. Shell87

    Shell87
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    Yeah it is really tough to start with, dealing with the legalities etc. Hopefully your house won't take long to sell, it is coming upto summer etc. (Fingers crossed)

    Good luck with the interview! Let me know how you get on :slight_smile:.
     
    #39 Shell87, Mar 25, 2018
  20. DCSC

    DCSC
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    Yeah we'll see how it goes! Thanks for the well wishing :relaxed:

    Glad you feel better for leaving, it's a difficult thing to do but long term it will be worth it.

    My mum was more devastated than I was when I told her about the break up! She thinks that I should have just settled...moving back in with her should be interesting! I don't plan on telling her about my sexuality anytime soon, I think it would break her lol.

    I'm assuming you're taking it one day at a time for now?
     
    #40 DCSC, Mar 25, 2018
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