I think women are appealing to look at. I like to be in their company as much as possible. But I'm not sexually attracted to them at all. When I'm with them, I feel it's where I belong. Without wanting to change my gender. I find most men tedious, loud and boorish. I don't particularly enjoy their company. But I am very attracted to them sexually. It's the equipment that counts. Which, for me, is the very essence of homosexuality. I'm homosexual. It's only confusing if you want to make it so. But, still, it's taken me decades to work it out!
Reading your post reminded me of a line from a song ("Sister Suffragette") i heard as a kid while watching the original Mary Poppins film: "Though we adore men individually We agree that as a group they're rather stupid!" Even as a child i was conflicted over whether i should laugh or feel insulted? i don't believe our sexuality and attraction is just physical, but that our sexuality is thoroughly entwined with the rest of who we are cognitively and emotionally. Guys can get aroused at the drop of a hat, but hats seem to have little to do with sex? Something i have experienced a lot in my own adventures with men is it's hard to find a self aware gay guy, or at least one who is articulate, willing and able to be open about how they feel. i've concluded that is due in part to social conditioning of males. There's a strong social current that assumes and teaches males from an early age that "males are rational, females are emotional." i think reality is everybody has cognition and emotion as part of being human, but guys are conditioned early on to deny their emotions and thus are often stunted when it comes to how to identify or manage them. i think this ends up affecting our sex lives. i think a lot of gay guys reduce their sexuality to "just sex," not because it is "just sex," but because they are unaware or in denial of the parts of their self that their sexuality is rooted and derived from.
"i think this ends up affecting our sex lives. i think a lot of gay guys reduce their sexuality to "just sex," not because it is "just sex," but because they are unaware or in denial of the parts of their self that their sexuality is rooted and derived from." This rigidly stoic, semi-emotionless demeanor many of us men wear 24/7 is something that gets built up over the course of decades. Society seemingly expects us to always be ready to "act like a man" under all circumstances, so we do, which often (at least on the surface) reduces us to one dimensional caricatures of our real selves. And it can be a heavy burden to bear, especially in our interpersonal relationships, since it's hard for us guys to ever drop that stoic boilerplate long enough to ever let another person (including an intimate partner) inside our inner sanctum. Now imagine if that intimate partner is another man who was also conditioned to suppress his emotions. They face an uphill climb breaking down all those fixed gender roles to be able to share themselves on a deep enough level to truly satisfy one another. Not an easy task I would think, and maybe that's one reason why many men never allow themselves to fully emerge as the emotional, sexually liberated individuals they wish they could be.
I love looking at women too. I love the clothes, fashion, and I too feel more comfortable around women. I desperately wanted to be sexually attracted but the arousal just isn’t there. On rare occasions I have a desire to touch them but it’s only in certain fabrics. I used that as an ‘excuse’ for years. But I have no desire for nudity in fact it’s a little gross, but I have incredible fantasies about men. It shouldn’t be hard to figure out but there are many things that denial can jump on like not finding all men attractive - see I am not gay because I don’t get aroused by every man on the street, but I find women can look beautiful.
wow, this is just how I feel. I find women attractive but I never get aroused by them. I still enjoy the chase of trying to get women but don’t really want the sex part when it comes down to it and I would never think of a woman when I masturbate. Still find it hard to think that I’m gay though, I’m not sure why.
There was a time when I wondered if I would ever be interested in men again. My interest in men had dwindled to the point where I thought that I didn't really desire men sexually anymore - still found them attractive to look at but that was all, and still not as attractive to me as women. I never fantasized about straight sex. But I met a man and those feelings came back sloooowly. He was handsome, exciting, interesting, funny. Despite that, I didn't want to sleep with him, but it got me thinking about it again. Funnily enough it was at a point in my life where I was really comfortable with myself and being with other women. Maybe because I'd gotten comfortable with that side of me that it gave me the mental bandwidth to actually process my attraction to guys?
I sort of find I'm the opposite. I love women, find them very appealing and frequently turned on by different looks or styles I see be it physical looks, what they wear, or how they carry themselves. I have never ever had any of theses reactions to males. I may think a guy is good looking but simply on an aesthetic basis with no emotion attached. However, I find the idea of being with a guy sexually highly desirable. it is conflicting because the idea of it turns me on greatly but I don't get turned on by any other aspect.
I still find women to be quite attractive physically and personality-wise, but my sexual and romantic desire for them has gradually decreased over the years to be practically non-existent now. I think that as I slowly grew to feel more comfortable with my M2M desires (over the course of many years), my hetero side receded as my gay side emerged. Now my romantic desires are starting to catch up to where I'm at sexually, and it feels very natural. Of course, that doesn't mean I still don't occasionally try to find that hetero spark again to rekindle my past hetero identity; at least partially. I can't seem to find that spark though--anywhere.
I'm not interested in the hetero spark anymore. I think was the need to feel 'normal' which made me try so hard over the years but I think I'm a little old to try proving myself now. I can be who I want. I've earned it!
Same here I don’t think I the desire really ‘decreased’ it just wasn’t there and I was trying to force it, and since accepting myself I no longer try to force it but just think what comes naturally. I find this happening almost an automatic response that’s probably just an old habit, but the same result every time: zero spark. It’s a very freeing and energizing feeling to give up ‘trying’ to look at women. When I am free of baggage societal norms I unconsciusly absorbed, I realize I want to be gay and “trying” to look at women sexually is actually a chore.!
I have often read here that sexuality is a spectrum and very few people are actually 100% gay or straight. Maybe that attempt to find a ‘spark’ is that small bit of ‘hetero attraction that might be there. But like you the more I have accepted myself the more natural being gay feels and even the romantic fantasies are way more intense than anything I tried to force on myself with women.
