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Helping my son date in high school?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Mt47, Sep 19, 2015.

  1. Mt47

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    My son just started high school and has expressed frustration that his straight friends are beginning to date and have relationships and of course he wants that too, but feels he can't. Dating has been a concern for me since he came out. How does a gay high school kid get a date? He doesn't really know any other guys in his school that are out. I get his frustration and it sucks. I've never been through having to determine another's sexuality in order to know if they are an option to date, so any advice would be awesome.
     
  2. Andrew99

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    Well are there any GSA groups in his school? Also check to see if there are other lgbt groups that meet up just in case he isn't comfortable being in the schools GSA he could have some where else to turn to.
     
  3. Menaki-Neko

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    There's honestly not a whole lot that can be done. Having limited and often close to no options on the "dating scene" for gay teens is pretty common, especially since most teens are mostly just out to their circle of friends, if at all.

    If there's a GSA in the school, you should encourage him to join. Even if he doesn't meet anybody (which really isn't what those groups are for...but hey what can you do?) he can still have a circle of LGBT friends that he can relate to and perhaps feel less alone in his situation.
     
  4. waternation

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    Oh, that does really suck :icon_sad: Like the others have mentioned, GSA groups... although not any schools that I went to had them. Is there a school counselor? They may have broader contacts within the community. There are sometimes LGBT friendly youth groups and similar...
     
  5. guitar

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    I was in highschool 10-15 years ago and no one I went to highschool with who is gay dated until after highschool. Most dating sites won't let you join until 18, and it can be difficult to date before you own a car.

    Is he out to the school? Usually guys who are out will often meet other gay people who aren't out.
     
  6. Mt47

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    He is involved in the GSA, it seems that's a pretty small group. but outside of that he's been going to a local support group...although local means 30 minutes away. I'm sure it will happen, but when he opens up to me I just hate that I have no good advice. My worry is that he has expressed concern he doesn't "look gay" and I'm trying to make him understand the only thing he has to look like is himself. I just don't want him to try to change who he is or to feel he has to.
     
  7. TheSeeker

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    Highschool sucks for everyone. Straight or gay. Just because his dating pool is significantly smaller than his straight peers doesn't mean that dating will suck less for his friends. Being in highschool is tough, being gay in highschool is also tough.

    The GSA is a great idea mainly because the single greatest resource for young gay people is other young gay people. Your son can learn from the mistakes his GAY peers have already made and hopefully avoid some of them himself.

    A quick fix for him not "looking" gay is as simple as a rainbow bracelet or t-shirt. Some kind of pride item that he can use to broadcast the fact that he is gay. If he's not concerned with his classmates knowing, then that is definitely what I would advise.

    Good luck! You're a great mom!
     
  8. YuriBunny

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    Having the same frustrations here. The homecoming dance is coming up, and everyone is always talking about whom their date will be... And then there's me, who probably won't get to date until college. Even when people notice my rainbow bracelet or my pride t-shirt, it seems like all the lesbians here are already dating someone.

    It definitely helps to be as out of the closet as you can. If your son is comfortable with letting his orientation be known, he will have bigger chances. If someone asks him if he has a girlfriend, he should say he's gay. Whenever an opportunity arises in conversation, he should let it slip.

    Besides that, he should just stay hopeful in general.
     
  9. BobObob

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    I agree with the others on here about checking to see if the school has a GSA or LGBT+ groups where you son could meet other gay/bi guys at his high school.

    Not having anyone to date in high school is a common problem for LGBT students not only because LGBT people are a small percentage of the population, but also because many are closeted and there is no magical way to know which of the hundreds of fellow students are the few gay/bi ones. They often blend in. For this reason (and sometimes other reasons), it's not uncommon for gay people to not date until adulthood.

    I like TheSeeker's advice about wearing a rainbow bracelet, rainbow t-shirt, or some other kind of pride clothing, so long as he's comfortable enough doing that and his school is safe enough. That way, other students (including other gay/bi students) would probably conclude that he's gay/bi (although they might initially be uncertain whether he's gay/bi, or a straight ally).

    This issue is partly why I get a bit pissed off whenever straight people don't have a problem with groups of straight people invading gay bars, even though I don't go to bars very often. I consider gay bars somewhat of a way of solving this numbers problem for adults.
     
    #9 BobObob, Sep 20, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2015
  10. AwesomGaytheist

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    #10 AwesomGaytheist, Sep 20, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2015
  11. MrSkittles

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    I understand what your son is going through. Im gay in high school too and I have had absolutely no luck. Hes not alone it is common for gay teens to be struggling in the dating scene.
     
  12. Foz

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    Most gay people don't or can't really date until after high school. The social circle is in HS is usually limited to less than 1000 people, once he leaves and starts socialising like an adult his options will open right up.
     
  13. Acuba403

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    Tell him not to worry about the social portion of High school, I graduated 3 months ago now and I only actively talk to 2-3 of my 9-10 social pool. High school sucks for every one, but as soon as he's into the real world whether it's post secondary or right into the work force it gets 10,000 times better. As long as he as good friends he's set. Yes it will be tough at time but let him know that it gets much better and that the lonely times are only temporary.
     
  14. Mitchell

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    Honestly... I don't think there is much that you can do...

    High school sucks