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Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Zaiden, May 26, 2020.

  1. Zaiden

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    The last few weeks have been agonizing my mind. I been recently having thoughts of myself as the opposite gender. I’ve always been real in tune with my sexuality and only attracted to the same sex. I’ve never felt more masculine than I do now.i never have been on the feminine side I was raised by men hence the influence on wanting to be like the boys since a young age. As I get older and learn more about myself I realize the things I don’t like. My body being one of them. more and more I imagine myself with facial hair or without breasts and I often wonder if that’s the missing piece of myself that I tend to try to fill in with toxic situations. I wonder about how my life would change For the better if I ever decided to partake in a transition. I wonder if it will bring me happiness but I’m quickly discouraged by the thought of the reaction I would get if I decided to take the route in exploring this decision.Is this normal? Am I confused? Am I onto something? How can I be sure about something like this.
     
  2. solarcat

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    You do sound a little confused, but that's perfectly alright. I think it may help to take this question one step at a time. Don't worry about how people will react just yet. How they will react doesn't change who you are. Go ahead an imagine yourself as a man, and see how it makes you feel. Maybe draw yourself in a more masculine way, or play with photo filters that can change your appearance to something more masculine. If you can, and if it's safe for you, try dressing in a masculine way. Go to different web forums and introduce yourself as a guy; see how it feels to be treated like one.

    Everyone's story is different, but there was no specific moment where I decided I was a girl; it was more about gradually growing more comfortable with the idea. I would also suggest checking out trans-related blogs on sites like Tumblr, and seeing if any of that is relatable at all.

    This is always a tricky, complicated, confusing issue, and it's going to take time to work through this, and that's alright.
     
  3. Zaiden

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    I just want to thank your kind sweet soul whoever you are for replying and helping me broaden my thoughts. I literally had tears in my eyes while reading that message because it’s the first time I was able to get this off my chest and have someone respond in a positive manner with suggestions that will lead me to the answers I’m looking for. I tried some of your suggestions and it seemed to make me feel a lot more at ease, i since have been educating myself more on what it takes to become the person you want to be and listening to other people’s stories and breakthroughs. It’s really helped knowing I’m not the only person going through this because sometimes it gets really easy to feel alone.one thing that did occur is remembering this isn’t the first time I’ve thought about this stuff l, the only difference now is it’s harder to dismiss because i know now id feel more comfortable getting to be zaiden than anyone else.
     
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  4. zuice

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    Above all, be kind to yourself. Love the opportunity to make choices that make you special.
     
  5. solarcat

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    You're quite welcome :slight_smile:
    You are absolutely not the only one going through this. But I know that it can be very difficult, so I've been trying to help others the way I've been helped.
     
  6. Zaiden

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    It’s been a few months and the urges or thoughts haven’t changed. If anything they’ve intensified as all I can think about is appearing more masculine and fulfilling a more masculine role. I’ve since done tons of research on all the different types of therapies and surgeries that can help achieve becoming more comfortable in your body. I’ve created a blog account where I identified as the pronouns I would like to announce to the world gaining more of a similar following to better relate to other individuals who have also fought through this battle. One big step I took was I recently bought my first binder and it definitely makes me feel a lot less dysphoria towards my body. The appearance of a flat chest makes me completely happy. I’m pretty sure the same day I got it I tried on all of my shirts just to get the satisfaction of how comfortable I felt in my own body in my clothes. I’ve tried a few face apps just out of curiosity to see what facial hair would possibly look like all in all I feel in my soul and know In my heart that this is who I want to be everyday. I just need to prepare for the perfect moment and time to be able to feel comfortable enough telling my close ones. I’m not too sure on the reaction I’ll get but I’m working towards a better confident positive mindset to be able to withstand any feedback I receive even the bad. Because no matter what they think or say I know who I am and who I want to be and what I have to do in order to get to where I want to be. Thanks to this blog for being a positive outlet judgefree zone. Take care.
     
  7. solarcat

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    Sounds like you're moving forward :slight_smile:
    Transitioning can be a pretty difficult process, but it can be worth it. I still have a lot to do, but I already feel better than I did last year. I hope you do too.
     
  8. Zaiden

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    Indeed I’ve been making a lot of progress these passed few weeks to help myself realize I’m more than what I think of myself. It has been extremely difficult, causing a rift in my happiness and my means to “feel” anything real because In the back of my mind I always have a void, feeling like I can never fully express myself. I see others who finally took the leap of transitioning and they appear and approach life with such a beautiful outlook, I hope one day I can feel that complete with myself and with my life. Thanks for keeping up w me, never really imagined a stranger could make me feel better about the biggest secret I’ve repressed for so long that not even someone I’ve been with for years can even see... so thank you for-reaching out!