!!!!PLEASE READ TIL THE END I NEED ADVICE!!!! The thing is, I’m bisexual, and Chinese culture overall is not very accepting of that. In fact, I already know that my family would not like this at all. However, they are perfectly wonderful otherwise and have always loved me, and I don’t want to risk the very real possibility that their relationship with me might change or that I might be kicked out. My grandparents are disgusted by the idea of LGBT people, while my mom is deeply religious and my dad simply does not believe in same-sex marriage. I know that it’ll humiliate them and be extremely hurtful if I came out openly. Their friends would lose respect for and ostracize them. I also know that they’ll be extremely upset as I am the “last of my bloodline” and they’re waiting for me to pass on the last name as a heir. I’ve always been the apple of their eyes as the last child, someone they could brag about (very important to Asian elders) and talk about. If I were to come out to them or have a same-sex couple, they’d be humiliated, having to avoid the topic of children (which is a super common topic for traditional Chinese families) and probably being in denial. My mom is very religious and already looking forward to three grandchildren (I’m 14) and my grandparents are very traditional. They all think I’m going to marry a man and give birth to a bunch of children. It’s very important to carry on the bloodline in Asian families, and I’m the only one who can. Furthermore, I’m afraid this will tear up the family as the grandparents’ generation look for someone to blame. I know that my mom will think she caused it by “exposing me to gay media.” My mother and father already have a fragile relationship, and I don’t want it to end because of me. I’m also scared that some of my cousins might defend me and be kicked out as well. I don’t want that guilt on my hands. Is there any way to remove myself from this family I love without causing further harm? Help me. Maybe I should just date guys or send myself to conversion therapy. I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life in the closet T_T
Hello there! I'm sorry that you are in such a difficult and unaccepting environment. You shouldn't have to hide who you truly are. There's no such thing as "changing your orientation" because you are "exposed to gay media". You are who you are, and that's completely ok and natural. As you are still young, my advice would be for you to keep studying and preparing yourself so you can move locations once you are financially independent, if needed. I know this isn't ideal, as you are feeling pressured right now, but if coming out would represent a risk for you at this moment, then it's best to wait and plan for the future, even though it's understandable that this isn't a perfect solution. And please, do not try "conversion therapy" and this kind of bullshit. There is no scientific evidence that these work. In truth, they end up creating more pressure as you force yourself to hide your true feelings. In the future, this "internal pressure" may cause many problems and frustrations. You are who you are, there's nothing to "fix" if you are LGBT+. The problem is prejudice, not you.
Life tip: You are NEVER responsible for someone else’s cruelty (or any other behavior). You can educate someone who is ignorant, if it’s safe and you choose to, but bullying is a behavior that the bully chooses to engage in and is responsible for. I’m not suggesting a course of action here, but do try to look at the situation without taking on the emotional burden of other people’s behavior.
