First off I am not even sure where to put this, as it has gender identity as part of the problem, but not the whole issue. Secondly I don't know how to title it. So many things are going on and it would be too long of a title, so sorry about those first and foremost. I had a mental breakdown in front of my parents about two weeks ago, it involved me hyperventilating and crying. I starched the crap out of my arm in front of them as well. It started with the fact that I had wore a button down shirt to my grandma's garden party (A shirt my grandma bought me, might I add.) When my Mother saw it she said I looked too much like a guy and she went on. And on. She told me how I was going to end up alone and told me how awful I looked. How she was just saying what everyone else was thinking. She does this often, but I guess I had pushed her over the edge with my shirt. She ended up saying we would talk about it later. I am not going to get into the details, but during that talk she kept telling me god made me a girl. She also kept saying for me to stop hating myself and get out of my depression by telling me everything she found wrong with me? And I guess at that point is when I had the breakdown. After the breakdown she ended up scheduling me to go see a therapist. My first session was today and if you didn't know one of your parents has to be with you the first time. The therapist ended up saying I had anxiety since I was a kid and she was pretty sure I had depression also at the very least. Many things were said during the session, but one that sticks out is the transgender thing was brought up. My Mother brought up the god thing again and would not listen to the therapist. My Mother kept saying, "But, what if this is feeding it?" As if it is some illness she needs to get rid off. As if I am just a problem she needs to fix. The therapist ended up getting frustrated at her, you could tell. Now, my Mother just came up to me and told me she doesn't like the therapist. But, I do. I really do. She was so nice. I doubt my Mother will let me see her if she thinks it will just, 'feed it.' Anyway, my Mother keeps crying and I hate making her feel upset. I am so sorry for everything. I want to change it all, but if I do I think I might do something that will hurt everyone even more. This was extremely long, but I'm crying and I just need someone. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry she reacted that way. To all of it. I don't know what kind of advice to give.. Hopefully your therapist will help.. It might just take time for your mom to adjust. If you are able to see the therapist on a regular basis and your mom lets you, do that. Then maybe you, her, and your therapist could talk about it more at length. Like I said, I know it's hard, but try to give her time. And remember that it's not your fault you're going through all this, or that she's taking it so hard. Stay strong. If you ever need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message. <3
Hey Irony, I'm upset that your mum acted like that. You did nothing wrong though, you are not trying to hurt anyone. She is the one who's fault it is for being like that and she is the one who should be apologising to you. About the therapist, can you try to convince her that it is more important whether you like her rather than if she does? If you can find a way to carry on seeing that therapist then she may also be able to help you find ways to deal with and help your mum be more understanding. You can always shoot me message whenever you need to talk or just blow off steam. Look after yourself OK?
