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Help with identity

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Soniex, May 29, 2014.

  1. Soniex

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    Hello all!

    So I certainly believe that I am some form of transgender, I am just unsure of what exactly to call myself. I know there is a lot of grey area between male and female in genders, but having a label to put with it really would make me feel better about all of this.

    The closest thing I've been able to find is bigender but even that doesn't really describe it. I am physically male and I certainly have my male personality traits, but I have many female traits as well. Long story made short I recently found that I have A LOT of estrogen in my body compared to most physical males. Before finding this out I've always felt like I have a feminine side that sort of coexists beside my masculine side. My masculine side tends to be very scientific and very hands-on. While my female side tends to be very creative and imaginative.

    Here is where I'm a little confused. My understanding is that with bigender these two sides are almost like different people. However with me it is not like that. With me the two sides are always out. I don't have "male days" and "female days", its that the two personas come together and make one personality, me. I just always have them together. Do I have this correct? Is bigender the correct label for me? Or is there something else that might fit better?

    Thanks ahead of time for anyone that responds!
     
  2. TheFSM

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    I found this on here:
    Queer Dictionary
    Bigender (adj.):

    Definition

    Bigender is a gender identity that falls under the non-binary umbrella. To identify as bigender generally means you identify as two genders. You could identify as both at the same time. You can go back and forth between two genders. Perhaps you have one stagnant gender identity and one that shifts while still only identifying as two genders. However you experience it, it has to do something with the number two. It does not necessarily mean you identify as a man and a woman. There are more genders than that.

    Here are some more lists if you need them:
    A Comprehensive List of LGBTQ+ Term Definitions
    GENDERQUEER AND NON-BINARY IDENTITIES - Genderqueer Identities & Terminology

    I guess bigender fits. :slight_smile:
    I always like to say don't worry about lables, and you have all the time you need to figure shit out...
    so there is that. I hope it helped. :slight_smile:
     
  3. paris

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  4. Soniex

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    I've read that same definition before and that's what made me think I'm bigender. Its the closest thing I've found that describes what I am. My main concern is that I don't have that "guy mode/girl mode" that I've heard of most bigenders having and that seems to be one of the main traits. But the definition does say that you can identify as both at the same time. Are there any bigenders here that identify as both like I do instead of having the different modes?
     
  5. Stacy in MA

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    I share a number of the same feelings you do but haven't gone with bi-gender for the very reason you brought up - when presenting as a woman I still feel partially male and when presenting as a man, substantially female (no distinct guy and girl modes). I have been playing around with androgynous, transfeminine, and demigirl (the last two because I feel like my default state is slightly more female than male despite my usual presentation as male) but have not settled on anything yet. All I know is that I definitely feel like I'm genderfluid.

    Good luck figuring it out! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Soniex

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    Thanks to all that have replied. The past few days I've really been struggling with all of this. I have times where I'm thinking "yes! This is great I really like having this!" And I have other times where I'm thinking "what the hell are you doing?" I feel that it may be my two sides fighting eachother but its all too confusing. I have a feeling that my feminine side is the one that is like "yes!" And my masculine side is like "what are you doing?"

    I have a close personal friend that I've known for about 10 years that just revealed to me that she's trans and will be going through her MtF transition. Which is one thing that got me thinking about everything. However I don't want to seem like I'm doing this just because she's going through a transition, but what she and I are going through is different. I just don't know how to make sense of it even.
     
  7. Soniex

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    So I have recently hit a roadblock that I guess is sort of superficial. Almost like it doesn't matter too much, but in my head the feelings are too strong NOT to matter. I've recently shaved my legs for the first time and I love the way they feel when I run my hands down my legs, really it's amazing and I love they way they look when I look down at them, but if I look in a mirror I'm a little disgusted. Something similar with my chest. I just shaved my chest for the first time yesterday and same thing. I love the way it feels and when I look down its a little odd but I can deal with it. But again in the mirror I'm thinking "what are you doing!?"

    Now that my chest is shaved I'm very self conscious about it. I feel VERY naked with my shirt off and a little embarrassed even if no one is around. I just can't really make sense of it, I thought I would like this but now I'm not so sure.
     
    #7 Soniex, Jun 6, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2014