I know this is stupid but I have nowhere else to turn to. Just speak your mind about this. I know I am whiny. So! Help my brain! I am going crazy. Talk some sense to me. I don't have any. I can't have another shot of testosterone for two weeks and I can feel estrogen taking over (it's a new kind of shot and my doctors want a blood sample so I need to suffer) I am paranoid and I just feel bad. So bad. I was seriously mentally ill before T fixed that almost overnight almost 2 years ago. I know it's all better now but my brain can't deal with this. Some old symptoms are back. My chemistry is messed up. It's going to be ok in few weeks but my brain do not understand. I am overreacting to everything. I don't understand how some people can deal with estrogen taking over. I really respect that. Women are tough. And everybody else dealing with that too. I was tougher back then. I have been on T for some time. My gender is going to be legal soon. You need an opinion from 3 places for that in here and I got them from 2. I just need this one thing to go right but I can't trust it. I have fought the system for over 4 years. What if the doctor just says that I look like a woman and there is no way I can be legally male? I know they can't do that but they actually can. It's the only place that can give me that paper.. They would be in trouble but that hasn't stopped doctors before. And it would delay my life for another year. That appointment is tomorrow. I need to travel. And what if the doctor is sick and I get the phone call when I am already on my way there? I don't have money for that. It has happened before. It's the estrogen! I can't deal with it. I think everything is a threat. I know I am paranoid. Just today some small children were shouting at each other because they didn't know my gender and they all just decided I was a girl. My crazy brain tells me it's what everybody is thinking. I feel like punching something until it's broken. I got mad at those kids! Of course I just walked away. I got extremely androgynous appearance although I am not really androgynous at all. It's not my fault. Normally I would just forget about everything but now my chemistry isn't ok. I was a mess since puberty. Estrogen is like a poison to my brain. I used to be seriously mentally ill and T fixed it almost immediately. I feel like I am going back. I can have my ovaries cut off. I was asked about that before but I didn't think it would affect my life like thi. It only takes a one phone call and it's less than a half a year ahead. But I need to be legally male for the law to protect me from being treated badly. They can still treat me as a female. If I start pursuing it now they could make a mistake about my legal gender and my gender in general. I am currently shut in my appartement. It's been like this for a week or two. Just help my brain. It's not doing well. I know most people see me as male and don't even doubt it but my brain is... not... working. This is stupid. I know it. Can just talk to me?