My almost 13 year old daughter is gay. Well, she recently met a 14 year old girl who is also gay and they became friends. I think this girl might be interested in my daughter. I don't know if my daughter likes her but she might. we don't want our daughter having a girlfriend yet. She had one recently and it didn't go well at all. Anyway, we think she needs to wait until she's older. Like 15 or so. With that said , I know we can tell her that but we Recently caught her in some lies so we have trust issues with her now. I know we could ask her if they are seeing each other but who knows if she will tell us the truth. And she could easliy hide it from us and claim they are just friends. How do we handle such a situation. I don't want to stop a friendship but I don't want to foster a relationship when we don't want her in one at this age. This new girl has called my daughter cute a couple of times so That makes me think she likes my child as more than a friend. How do we keep my child from having a relationship that we feel that she's not mature enough for yet? I'm afraid if we forbid it that she will sneak behind our backs and things will get worse. I need advice.
The other girl calling your daughter cute doesn't necessarily mean that she likes her as more than a friend. My friends and I call each other cute all the time and it doesn't mean anything. Every group of people is different of course, but to me that doesn't seem like much to go on. As for what age your daughter can start dating, that's up to you to decide and I think wanting her to wit until 15 is perfectly reasonable. Her having a friend who is also a lesbian does not mean that they will automatically get together. I think you should wait and if you start to notice more signs that they might be starting something, then you should talk to your daughter about your age rule and why you have it. I agree you probably shouldn't outright forbid her, try to have a conversation so you can both understand each other.
You should just be honest with her and give consequences if she goes behind your back. That said, just because they're both gay doesn't mean anything will happen. My closest friend was also a lesbian but nothing happened between us since we didn't find the other even remotely attractive. It was nice to have someone who related to the LGBT community and that was it. So they might just end up being friends. And if it does become more, you have the right to put your foot down.
Hello, It's already been said that there's always the possibility that your daughter isn't interested in her friend, so I won't reiterate. The only thing I can say is that with some people, being told not to do something only makes them want to do it more. I don't know if this is the case with your daughter, as I don't know her personally. If I had a daughter whom I didn't want dating someone, I would have a very honest chat with her with kind words about my concerns and why I think she should wait. If she has a history of not being truthful, I think talking to her honestly would help. A lack of communication, in my opinion, is very counterproductive. I have been in the situation where I was the one whom my friend's parents were concerned about, and they almost completely cut me off from her--we didn't go to the same school at the time so the only way to talk to her or schedule things with her was through text message, and phones can be taken away. It was rough for both of us, especially because I thought that it was the friend who was purposefully not responding to me. Cutting off all connection probably isn't the best way to go. Again, I recommend talking to her without any kind of judgement or accusatory language--it's sometimes hard not to use harsh language when you're frustrated or having any other negative emotions, but it will most likely make her defensive and she'll be more likely to rebel. Maybe try it just after you've bonded in some way. This is coming from a teenager who, though older than your daughter, has dealt with parents in a number of situations where I was asked to do something I didn't want to do. I will definitely not do it if my parents are mean to me about it. It's your call whether or not this would work or help with your daughter, but if you're posting to a forum asking for help I assume that you're open to suggestions. :icon_bigg Bee
This pretty much. I have lesbian friends-none that I'm actually attracted to. Just nice companionship.
Hey Dentalfloss, As a gay man and a father, I would suggest that you be the parent you need to be regardless of your child's sexuality. Whatever you would have done with your straight daughter, you should do with your gay daughter. Just because she has come out doesn't mean you should change your parental philosophy. She still needs your boundaries - so be the mom you're supposed to be and set those boundaries, and stick to them. Take care. ride:
