Hi I'm new here so sorry admins if i posted in the wrong section but I'm really worried. I am 21 i got no job no where to go and guess what my family is forcing to get me married with a gurl i dont like. I am so unhappy and looks like my end is coming sooner than i thaught, i am going to suicide cuz i have no plans and thats why they want to get me married specially my dad cuz he knows im gay but i told him i would of change cuz if i wouldnt he said he will beat the crap out of me and put me in a coma in hospital im afraid cuz this year he said if i wont marry this gurl hell will break loose on earth. please help me i dont know what to do, my only option is to suicide.
no don't commit suicide, what religion are you? are you bound to some organized or arranged marriage? your parents cannot do that, in which country do you live? in democratic societies you have RIGHTS you can exercise, even more so if you are say an Indian in a democratic society.... you can fall back on the Constitution as the higher law when customary law is infringing on your human rights.
Im orthodox. about the bounding i dont understand, they will arrange everything for me if thats what u want to know. I live in ireland but i am from romania specially in my country u get beat and spit upon if they find out ur gay thats why im afraid too cuz i dont want to go back
Please don't kill yourself, that is not your only option. If you need to talk to someone urgently then the samaritans (1850 60 90 90) or the national lgbt helpline (1890 929 539 - check out lgbt.ie to see their opening hours) are both really helpful. You are 21, and as far as I know, Romania is an EU member state. I don't think your parents have the legal power to force you to go back to Romania for an arranged marriage. It might be a good idea for you to think about moving away from your parents, some distance might give them less control over you. Make sure you are safe, what you said about your dad's threats worries me.
Like the others I want to urge you not to commit suicide but you need to get away from your family. I know it is scary and it may cost you loosing your family, but the only way you will find happiness is by leaving and going some place your family will not find you. You may not have a job where you are, but a fit young man like yourself should not find it too difficult to find a job in Ireland or the Uk. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you make up your mind what to do.
thx guys n gurls but calling the samaritains isnt going to help i dont mean they are bad is they are not allowed to tell u what to do and specially i am monitored like a damn robot i hardly can get on this site thx to my smartphone why life is so hard and has to be that way why cant everything be ok. i got a few days left till april n i have to go back to my country n marry this gurl, looks like suicide is my only option cuz i am not taking beating from my dad and be left traumatised for the rest of my life cuz i'm traumatised enough since when i was a kid i saw every mother even my step ones getting beaten out of em it s going to happen to me i guess.
Sounds like you need to get out of that house and out of your parent's reign. A first step would be to see if you have a friend you could stay with. A more important step would be finding a job. Have you been on a job search lately? Work gives you money, which gives you independence, which gives you freedom to make choices. The more reliant you stay on your parents, the more shots they get to call, no matter how unfair it may seem. "Their house, their rules" is the saying. I won't touch on the legalities of the marriage bit because I'm not familiar with it, but could you not get married and simply get divorced later? A lot of these options hinge on the fact that you're not going to commit suicide and you're going to hang around to give it a chance. I can't make that decision for you, but I'll hope you'll see that maybe these options are worth waiting for. Take care of yourself. (*hug*)
BudderMc thx for the help but atm its hard to find a job, I sent cv after cv and all i get is sorry "you dont match the points needed" or they will tell me sorry work isnt available and marrying this gurl n divorcing later isnt an option cuz i have to make love to her which i wouldnt like to experience and second i would need to make a baby pronto since my family would like me to have one. and third i would break her heart. I am not making excuses guys believe me why would i make these up since i got 3 weeks left or so cuz they arranged to meet up damn it. i am so afraid God what have i done to get this punishment why me why do i really have to have desires for men i dont get it at all why couldnt i be like the rest straight, cant believe it how much my life is so screwed up. I hope ill make it through somehow or this could be my last post guys "if i ever suicide I hope that God will forgive me for what i have done, cuz thats the first fear that i've ever had, afraid to suicide"
Please don't commit suicide. There are other options, ones that lead to you living a happy fulfilled life. We just have to find one that will work for you in this moment. Do you know anyone who has left your family or orthodox community? Either for being gay or any other reason? They may be a good person to find and contact since they've been through this and they would likely be willing to help you. Keep posting. EC is a smart community with a lot of knowledge and they can point you in the direction to get you in touch with resources that can help you through this.
Welcome to EC. First, your problem isn't that you're gay per se. It's that you're gay in a family and/or position where being gay is heavily frowned upon. So feel free to hate your position, but don't hate your sexuality. Next up - what should your next move be? I can only vaguely suggest things, because I don't know much about Ireland (or Romania). You're old enough that you technically can be on your own. Do you have any friends? Anybody you can live with temporarily while you continue looking for a job? Also, can you claim asylum since going back to Romania will put your life in jeopardy? Lex
Please don't commit suicide. There are always other options. Always. You said you were sending out cv's. At least in the U.S. that implies something in academia or the professional world. And that's certainly a goal to aim for in the medium term. But in the short term, you need money and a place to stay. As others have said here, are there any friends you can stay with? Or maybe contact the LGBT group that someone provided a number to earlier. They must deal with situations where people need a place to stay because their current situation isn't safe. Try giving them a call and see what information they can provide. Regarding money, I'd say at this point beggars can't be choosers. Can you get a job washing dishes, or cleaning up the tables in a bar or restaurant? Hell, digging ditches will work if you're just looking for something in the short term. Once you get out of the immediate situation you're in you can work on getting on your feet with something more 'cv-ish'. You've said you have three weeks before your family comes or you have to leave or whatever. That's practically an eternity. You mention God in your last post. Well, it's said God created the entire universe in 6 days. Surely, we can figure out a workable solution to your situation in three times that long. Come on man, please hang in there. There has to be a way to fix this, but if you end your life, all the other possible options end with it. Rule #1: Fight until there is no hope left. Rule #2: There is NEVER no hope left. Todd
You need to talk to someone and make a backup plan. Backup plan: Do you have a friend that will let you stay at their house at least short term? If you are ever in imminent danger it is important to already have a friend that will take you in. You don't need to tell this person that you are gay if you don't feel comfortable saying so; many people will understand if you tell them that you're father is forcing you to return to Romania and into an arranged marriage. Tell them you are scared to say no to your father because of the reasons you've mentioned here. Talk to somebody: Amen (Support service for male victims of domestic abuse) Amen 046 9023718 I know it's mostly for men being abused by their spouse or partner but your situation is very similar 1Life (Suicide helpline) 1life Suicide Helpline 1800 247 100 Focus Ireland Focus Ireland - Home You may not consider yourself homeless but you are living in an unsafe environment. Everybody has the right to feel safe in their own home and this is your reason for seeking out help with housing. You mentioned you have a cell phone. Can you tell your father/family that you are going out for a walk or to get coffee or to a restaurant to get food? - Anything to get out of the house for long enough to make a call, just try to make it believable (nothing out of the ordinary). While you've said that the Samaritans can't actually tell you what to do, them and any of these helplines can tell you your options. They will know the right questions to ask you about your situation to point you towards the best resources for YOU. It will still be your decision what to do but at least you will know what you CAN do. Please don't give up (*hug*)
Hey guys i am back and still alive i managed to get a hang on a counselor and she is really nice i told her that i really need to get away from this home as soon as possible she said she will research and i'll talk to her again on wednesday, until then i guess i have to talk to the gurl.. weird but what can i do nd also i thank too all of you and too LinaBean for giving me those sites she will contact focus ireland too see what they will say.
Hey Lex Don't get me wrong I never hated who i was cuz i could never change it. The problem is i don't have friends and atm all i got to do is wait for my counselor, I cant just move out of the house cuz that would be the biggest mistake cuz then my dad will no and I dont think i wanna get beat up he is more likely bossy nevermind the yelling.. and about the asylum I think i can do that I'll have to talk about that with my counselor too see what she will say if focus ireland goes well then i'll be safe. the only way to move out is by not letting them know. and sorry for not responding to ur post.
Nooooo don't commit a suicide... it's just... wrong. You've managed to survive for all this time of your life. Just don't throw it away into waste
