1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

help me out? im thinking that i indentify as both male, female, and agender

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by humanmoth, Mar 26, 2022.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. humanmoth

    humanmoth
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2022
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    mothmans moth cave
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    i want to use the pronouns he/they/she but i cant find any gender identity so far that matches me... help me out? i may be genderfluid but im not sure.
     
    #1 humanmoth, Mar 26, 2022
    Bobcatlynx and DragonChaser like this.
  2. DragonChaser

    DragonChaser
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2021
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    348
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Okay, so. I'm Lydia. How are you doing? It is truly very nice to meet you. If nobody's said it yet, welcome to Empty Closets! There are a lot of people who care here, and I happen to be one of them!

    Now. With genuine humanistic love and respect, truly and completely, I must be blunt.

    :clap:Stop. :clap:Worrying. :clap:About. :clap:Labels!

    You know what gender you are? You're you-gendered. Sometimes you're a guy. Sometimes you're a girl. Sometimes maybe both, sometimes maybe neither. I think that's pretty neat, really; I'm curious about it and would be interested in details, but I digress...

    Do you just want a name for it? Non-binary. That is an umbrella that encompasses a great deal of different gender expressions. Too unspecific or too common? Make one better for you that fits more with your personality, maybe? You're tracking new ground here; NB is an open canvas for all sorts of interesting expressions, as unique as any other human feature!

    Maybe you are genderfluid, and you're not. Maybe you're just that for now, until it evolves and grows as you do as a person. Maybe you're that completely, and you find a routine. Maybe it takes on new expressions and becomes genderqueer or genderless or multi-gendered. Or maybe none of those at all! Maybe you find something you really like and you take that where it goes!

    It's all about how you feel is the point, really. Nomenclature should always be secondary. No identity has a real checklist. And be sure to be open to new expressions, too! Don't push it down, just embrace it and see where it takes you! You're on an exciting journey! I hope this helps a bit!

    With all due respect, though, I know finding labels can sometimes lead to finding community, but... uhh... honey, you're here. Here's your community. Us. What else do you really need a specific label for? There isn't a wrong answer, I'm genuinely asking.
     
    #2 DragonChaser, Mar 26, 2022
    Alex2 and humanmoth like this.
  3. Rayland

    Rayland
    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2021
    Messages:
    2,158
    Likes Received:
    1,648
    Location:
    Estonia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello and welcome to EC! :slight_smile: To many people labels can be important. It's way to describe themselves. Of course they are not everything and you don't really need a label either. To me label was important and it helped me to figure out who I am.

    With pronouns you can use what you like.

    Can you tell us why do you think you may be genderfluid and why you are not sure? I'm asking, so I could help you out more. Only you can figure out what describes you. We can only offer guidance.
     
    #3 Rayland, Mar 27, 2022
    Utachiyo and humanmoth like this.
  4. humanmoth

    humanmoth
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2022
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    mothmans moth cave
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family

    over the last year or two, my gender has always been very scrambled and unsure. i went from cis female to non-binary, then to demigirl, then to agender, and i never had a sure answer. lately ive found myself one day attached to he/him, or another day unsure of what id like to be called. though, sometimes, i think that id be set with the pronouns he/they/she for the rest of my life, and then a week later or something im changing my mind. back when i went from she/her to they/them and then she/they, i always felt like id been inconveniencing my (then) partner, so even though sometimes i felt like i wanted to be called something, i wouldnt post about it or tell anyone in fear of her disliking it.
     
    #4 humanmoth, Mar 27, 2022
  5. Rayland

    Rayland
    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2021
    Messages:
    2,158
    Likes Received:
    1,648
    Location:
    Estonia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I see. The thing is gender identity develops over time and you are young. There is no need to hurry to figure it all out right away. Use what you feel comfortable with using and go from there. Try saying you are gender fluid and see how that makes you feel. The way you describe everything does match up with it, but again that's all up to you to decide.

    You can always communicate your feelings to your partner too, then they will understand and it won't be inconveniencing to them.
     
    #5 Rayland, Mar 27, 2022
    humanmoth and DragonChaser like this.
  6. Darth Morax

    Darth Morax
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2022
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Belarus
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Girl, boy, and agender simultaneously? Sounds a little bit like ambigender - a type of trigender when you're identifying as male, female and something else simultaneously.
     
    #6 Darth Morax, Mar 27, 2022
    humanmoth likes this.
  7. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    855
    Likes Received:
    956
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Labels are for products, not human beings.
     
    #7 chicodeoro, Mar 27, 2022
  8. quebec

    quebec
    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    4,197
    Likes Received:
    2,362
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    humanmoth.....This is a topic that has been generating more and more controversy recently. There has been significant scientific research on the subject that hasn't settled the controversy in that people have been and still are inventing many different and varied names for what they feel themselves to be. It's possible that this discussion will never be settled and it may be that it doesn't need to be. We have the somewhat standard terms of; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, queer/questioning, asexual, & intersexual. Which is where we get the common acronym LGBTQAI+. The plus stands for some of the less common but still seen genders such as; agender, demisexual, genderfluid, non-binary, pan-sexual & two-spirit (a native American term). The overriding problem that we have with these genders is that it is difficult if not impossible to scientifically identify or to prove the existence of almost all of these "genders". The one exception being an intersex person who can be born with more than one set of sexual organs. That, in its own way makes the decision of what to do about a baby that is born that way an even bigger and more difficult decision for the parents. This is where I believe that a persons own internal emotional and intellectual choice comes into play. Some people feel no need for a label. And that's perfectly fine. There's no rule that says you have to have one. I think that pronouns also come into play here.There are people who are perfectly fine with standard old-fashioned pronouns. However, there are others who, because of their chosen gender feel the need for different pronouns than would "normally" be used in their case. It's important to some people and not to others and quite often ties in with their gender. For example, someone who is transgendered FtM will most certainly want to have He/Him pronouns used as it matches the gender that they are transitioning to. For some, a label feels like being put into a box and being told what you can do and cannot, who you can be and cannot, etc. Others feel the need for a label...it gives them security. I am one of those. I felt for many years that I didn't fit anywhere. No matter how hard I tried, I was always out of place and never felt like I belonged. When I accepted that I am and always have been gay, it was like coming home...for the first time in my life I really did feel like I fit somewhere, that there where others like me...others who would understand me almost immediately because we were alike, we had so much in common. So a label is important for some and unimportant to others. Some people who feel the need for a label have chosen to use one that is somewhat less mainstream. And when you get right down to it an individual has a right to label themselves in any way that they want to. They can call themselves an agender chicken if they wish. The problem is that it first of all brings down ridicule of the LGBTQIA+ Family while we are always struggling for recognition as a legitimate group. But what is probably worse is that those kinds of off the wall labels (the chicken label was obviously a joke :old_big_grin: ) can confuse others who are struggling in an effort to find themselves and the somewhat unusual...ok, sometimes really strange...labels just make it more difficult for them. I'm not going to try to make a list of "good" labels" and "bad labels". Everyone will have their own opinions. I'm just trying to point out the we have a diverse community and so we will have people with diverse labels. I am trying to encouraging my fellow LGBTQIA+ Family members to use some good old fashioned common sense when and if you choose to label yourself.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #8 quebec, Mar 27, 2022
    humanmoth likes this.
  9. humanmoth

    humanmoth
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2022
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    mothmans moth cave
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    labels can be important to some (like me) and generally helps me and others to feels secure/more aware of my identity and makes me feel more like i know who i am when i have a specific label,, im not meaning to argue w you at all, im just curious on why you think that, ur allowed to have ur own opinion and i respect it 100% if you dont like labels
     
    #9 humanmoth, Mar 28, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2022
  10. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    855
    Likes Received:
    956
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hi Humanmoth, that comment of mine is, I admit, a little bit flippant. Obviously, we all use some labels for ourselves every day. I'm a 50 something British trans woman so that's four straight off the bat.

    I suppose what I'm getting at is that the modern craze of dividing and sub dividing the existing labels we have isn't all that helpful in understanding the complexities of human sexuality and gender identity. And human beings are incredibly complex - the nuance that makes us all so fascinating is thrown out of the window as soon as something says 'I'm x'. All of the societal factors, the individual's own history, the subtle shading and the change that takes place over a person's life.

    The other reason is something Quebec touched upon - the more off the wall and peculiar labels do invite ridicule from certain sections of straight society at a time when our community is under attack.

    I do get why you're drawn to them - you're young, you're impatient, you want answers now. So I guess what I'm saying is chill, feel your way into what is right for you.

    This - 100%.

    Good luck, Beth
     
    #10 chicodeoro, Mar 29, 2022
    DragonChaser likes this.
  11. DragonChaser

    DragonChaser
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2021
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    348
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    If labels are important to you, and that's truly okay if they are, then I still advise you find who you are first and the label second. Fundamentally, that was my primary message. If you want to use a label as a guideline, that's okay. That can be a path to self-discovery, so long as you don't pressure yourself to conform to behaviors you aren't comfortable with.

    If I may put forward a bit of my philosophy on the subject, for clarity's sake, I think in the West we focus so much on the label that the actual person the label is meant to represent gets muddled. It turns from a general set of one or two traits someone can expect from a person with such a label, into a set of stereotypes that, should one not conform to, one will be said to not "actually" be whatever the label may be, even if they meet its basic definition.

    Veganism is a good example. The only thing "vegan" means is someone who doesn't consume animal-based products. That said, I'd wager a 50-something auto mechanic isn't what would ever come to mind if I were to say "Imagine a vegan," despite there certainly being a number of those out there.

    Believe me, I know I'm not exactly practicing what I preach to a tee; I'm damn proud to be a transwoman. However, I call myself that because that's closest to who I am, not a dead-on bullseye. There's only one dead-on bullseye label for who I am, and that's "Lydia."

    Just be confident. Share your expressions and don't worry if people don't accept you. Because we do, honey. You'll always have people to come to.

    Much love! :smiley_cat:
     
    #11 DragonChaser, Mar 29, 2022
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)