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HELP ME IM 19 YEAR OLD BOY

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by wierdguy, Sep 2, 2019.

  1. wierdguy

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    This is driving me insane... I have always been attracted to girls, ever since I was a little boy in primary school I aways had girl crushes and girls I liked and so on and so fourth. I have had sex and kissed with multiple girls. But recently, I have started to have some emotional arousal you could say ( my heart beating quick , and some pressure on penis like some sort of arosual but I cannot get an erection from it ) and stuff of that nature towards men. I have tried to check If I am gay by doing some expiremnts like watching gay p*** and such but it just makes me sick. But when I see an attractive guy I can help to have my heart beating fast and the feeling in penis ( I know how weird it sounds.) But as awell as that my attraction for females have declined ( as in my heart doesn't beat quickly and I don't get the tingly sensation in my penis, yet I can only get a full erection from women) I like women and I want to have my own family and I cannot seem to picture myself with a man growing up. But I can't help but wonder if I am gay or bi sexual or straight. Please help me out its driving me insane for the past 3 months.
     
  2. Contented

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    No expert here but I think you need to take a breath and relax. Your young and still exploring your sexuality. There is no need to label yourself at this or any time. Why not take some time and see if you develop more feelings towards men or whether it is simply a passing phase. You have plenty of time to determine your orientation without rushing to judgement on your preferences.
     
  3. PennyT

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    From my experience, the hardest part about questioning is being okay with not finding answers, at least not immediately. It is so frustrating to not know personal information about yourself, but you can't let it consume you and destroy other parts of your life. In addition to that, you are the only one who can define how you identify. Only you can put what you're feeling into a label - and if you even want to put your sexual identity into a label.

    That being said, here's my opinion. Porn is not the best way to identify sexual attraction. I'm attracted to women, but naked women on a screen make me feel nauseous. Some straight dudes apparently watch gay porn. (Or so I've been told. Idk the psychology behind porn and attraction, except that it's not clear cut.)

    You should look into the different types of attraction. Just google "types of attraction", and you'll get a better description that what I can give. Very generally speaking, most people use sexual attraction and romantic attraction to define their type of attraction. Your emotional arousal could be romantic attraction. It is possible to feel sexual and romantic attraction towards women and only romantic attraction towards men. Or, just sexual attraction towards women and just romantic attraction towards men. Or any combination of romantic/sexual attraction. Feeling romantic attraction towards a person generally means you get the butterflies, and the blushing, and the crushes, but not the, for lack of a better word, horny-ness. Anywho, not to say that's what you're experiencing, but it's something to look into.

    Again, however the dice fall, don't let the confusion overwhelm you. You are who you are, and you'll figure out how to put that in words eventually. Remember that a lot of us have been there, you're not alone, and you'll get through it. Best of luck!
     
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  4. silverhalo

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    Hey as the above poster has said porn isn't always the best indicator of attraction. As tough as it is it the less pressure you put on yourself to figure it out, often the clearer it becomes.
    How is the area around you, is it accepting or homophobic?
     
  5. Kwekie

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    "Very generally speaking, most people use sexual attraction and romantic attraction to define their type of attraction. Your emotional arousal could be romantic attraction. It is possible to feel sexual and romantic attraction towards women and only romantic attraction towards men"

    There is no evidence of any difference between romantic orientation and sexual orientation. It is literally just far-right propaganda, and a way of tricking the sexually confused.

    Sad confused gay man: sure im not sexually attracted to my wife, but im romantically attracted to her! All is well! *nervous laughter*
     
    #5 Kwekie, Sep 4, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2019
  6. Blade118

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    kweekie what do you class as sexual attraction, are you sexually attracted to any women can you get aroused with a woman
     
  7. I'mStillStanding

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    I was the sad confused gay man married to a woman. The thing is you do build bonds with people even when you in the closet. My ex was my best friend, we were partners in every way... but when it came sex. I mean we tried there but it just didn’t ever hit off majorly and eventually stopped. Now I can’t speak for everyone but we had a special bond. I was not open to my sexuality or I wouldn’t have married her. I’d never have put her through that. So I confused close friendship for romantic feelings.

    That said I do believe there are different types of soul mates. Including platonic ones... so a super strong platonic connection that is not sexual is totally possible. It appears romantic to everyone looking at it, it can feel romantic to those involved because there is such a strong connection... and guys who haven’t accepted who they are can use those as substitutes for actual real relationship. It is sad... but happens. Makes things super confusing. But people who have accepted who they are or have never struggled and had/have those soul mate friendships totally understand how a confused gay man can end up married to his best friend for sure.
     
  8. Chip

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    There's no evidence or research to support the idea of discordant separation between different types of sexual attraction. Generally speaking, this sort of thinking only serves to further confuse people. This idea of separate attraction is something dreamed up by a small group of people and isn't validated by anything.

    What will actually help you figure things out is masturbating without porn, and seeing where your fantasies naturally go (what images you conjure up in your head), and/or masturbating thinking specifically about guys in one session and girls in another. Generally, this will help you get a clear sense of what arouses you more. You can also spend some time out and about and simply let your eyes wander and see where they are more likely to fixate... on men or on women.

    One thing you'll need to be aware of... if you have a pre-determined outcome you want (i.e, you want to be straight, as most people do), then that might cause you to ignore or minimize your attraction to men. So do your best to think about these things without judgment. Hard to do, but do your best.

    As we begin to consider the idea that we might not be straight, there are stages we go through in processing the 'loss' of the straight identity: denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance. These aren't always sequential, and can take from minutes to months or longer to process, if indeed this is the case.

    Also, one other piece: Generally speaking, someone who is completely straight won't be "sick" or "repulsed" by the idea of gay sex or gay men; it will more typically be "meh" and just no interest. So often, the really strong revulsion is an conscious rejection of that which the unconscious is connecting to. Remember that we still get many messages from society that being gay is 'wrong' or 'bad' and those messages affect how we process the fact that we might be in this category.

    I hope the above is helpful!
     
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  9. Blade118

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    Hi Chip,

    What do you mean by the loss of straight identity and also the bargaining stage?

    I mean if my eyes wonder over to guy who is good looking and I acknowledge he is good looking is that classed as attraction in your theory?

    Feeling very relaxed at the moment and wondering if this is me accepting that I am gay.
     
  10. Chip

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    Your situation is entirely different and, as has been stated to you several times in several different posts, related to what is likely inadequately treated OCD. When, and only when you are able to get your OCD properly under control, you will be able to properly evaluate your situation. Until then, you're not going to get a proper answer. As many people have told you in all the other threads you've made, there is nothing to indicate that you are gay, and simply noticing that someone of the same sex is attractive to look at does not make you gay.

    Please don't clutter up other people's threads when your situation is different than theirs, as it will only confuse and make it difficult for them to get the answers they need.
     
  11. Ailena2493

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    I totally agree with you chip
     
  12. Blade118

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    Like I said I am sorry I don’t mean to intrude on someone’s feed just a bit lost right now and don’t know what to do for the best
     
  13. silverhalo

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    Hey we sympathise with your struggles but as we keep telling you, you need to get more help for you OCD. I think you need to go to your GP explain how you are feeling and get a referral.