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Help I'm dating a man but i think I'm gay

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by grace0512, Jun 10, 2018.

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  1. grace0512

    grace0512
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    Hi Guys so Im 18 years old and I'm currently dating this guy who is suoer sweet and loving and we're super compatible, however it doesn't feel right. I have had suspicions since the 5th grade that I'm either a lesbian or bisexual. Although I've never been in a relationship with a girl or had any sexual relations with one either I constantly find myself being drawn to women and can remember having crushes on women all the way back into elementary school. When I tried to come out to my family they told me that I'm straight and that i was just confused and then proceeded to tell me that if I pray about it that it will go away. This in turn created a lot of self generated homophobia and I began seeking out male relationships in an attempt to ignore this part of me. With every guy I've dated I've felt like i was forcing myself to be with them and have had a to cope with anxiety and depression due to this. The guy I'm currently dating says hes in love with me and can see a future with me and I love him too just not in that way? I'm not sure. I get angry with him for the smallest things he does and have been distancing myself from him. He doesn't know that I came out as bisexual to my family, and I've tried to drop hints by playing songs by lgbtq artists like Hayley Kiyoko and Troye Sivan but all the hints go over his head. Please help I don't know how to tell him and I don't want to hurt him, but keeping this inside is seriously damaging my mental health. Please help.
    -Grace
     
    #1 grace0512, Jun 10, 2018
  2. Hamiltan

    Hamiltan
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    Take a break from the romance and find out who you are. You are still young and have a lot of life ahead of you.

    Get to know yourself. IMO you also don't need sex or a relationship to know who are. The biggest sex organ is the brain. Do some thinking and really explore your desires, without thinking about the repercussions of your desires. Don't think about what your family has to say etc...

    In a prefect world where all is good, where there is no fear, no homophobia etc..., what would you do?

    Listen to your body and find out what it is that turns you on. Look at women and examine there bodies. Do you like what you see? How does it make you feel? What do you what to do?

    Go to an LGBT group and get to know the women there on a platonic level. Listen to them and see if you have any shared experiences.

    *Also a mistake I made when I first starting hanging out with lesbians is that I trusted all of them. Because I believed that since I had good intentions all of them would have good intentions, as well. However, this is not always the case. So use discretion when you enter into these places.
     
    #2 Hamiltan, Jun 11, 2018
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  3. Hamiltan

    Hamiltan
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    Also, even if he claims that he is in love with you, you don't owe him anything. You should be clear and direct when you state your decision about him. It is best for both of you this way. You are miserable and he will become miserable. The quickier you make the cut the better. He will get over it.
     
    #3 Hamiltan, Jun 11, 2018
  4. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    I agree with Hamilton, you can just end the relationship because it's not right for you, I'm saying you can't tell him you think you might be gay you can if you want or you can keep it to yourself if you want it's completely up to you.

    I'm sorry that your family reacted that way, do you have any friends you think would be supportive or are there any LGBT groups nearby?
     
    #4 silverhalo, Jun 11, 2018
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  5. grace0512

    grace0512
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    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and give me advice I really appreciate it
     
    #5 grace0512, Jun 12, 2018
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  6. grace0512

    grace0512
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    I have some friends who are apart of the lgbt community and there are groups at my college I’ve just been afraid of what my family will say or why peers wills say about me. Thank you for taking time to respond I really appreciate it!
     
    #6 grace0512, Jun 12, 2018
  7. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Well there is of course no guarantee of what people will say but I think generally with your peers if you have enough support around you that won't really matter. Your family is obviously more complicated but it doesn't mean that they won't come around in time. It's completely up to you, you don't have to come out to anyone but if you did want someone to talk to in real life then maybe one of your LGBT friends, if you would feel comfortable, I mean they should understand what coming out is like.
     
    #7 silverhalo, Jun 12, 2018
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  8. grace0512

    grace0512
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    Thank you, I’m going to try talking to them and asking them for some advice as well. It really means a lot that you took the time to respond to me, thank you!
     
    #8 grace0512, Jun 13, 2018
  9. TrevinMichael

    TrevinMichael
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    I hope you find what you need and say what you can to get where you are going.

    Life is hard at times. You will figure out what you need to do. Listen to and follow your heart.

    Find yourself in all of this.
     
    #9 TrevinMichael, Jun 13, 2018
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  10. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    No worries, I'm usually around so if you ever feel like you want to chat just shout.
     
    #10 silverhalo, Jun 13, 2018
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  11. Hamiltan

    Hamiltan
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    You're welcome. Also if you need to talk, I'll listen.
     
    #11 Hamiltan, Jun 13, 2018
  12. grace0512

    grace0512
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    Thank you so much same to you!
     
    #12 grace0512, Jun 13, 2018
  13. grace0512

    grace0512
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    Update: I came out to my family and i ended things with my boyfriend so I could have some time to figure things out. Thanks for the advice!
     
    #13 grace0512, Jun 19, 2018
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  14. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Oh wow congratulations. How did your family react? I hope it was positive and they can offer you some support.
     
    #14 silverhalo, Jun 19, 2018
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  15. grace0512

    grace0512
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    #15 grace0512, Jun 26, 2018
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