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Help I Turned A Straight Girl to the **Dark Side**

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Isarene, Dec 31, 2016.

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  1. Isarene

    Isarene
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Califronia
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
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    All but family
    I sort of need some advice right now, especially from the experienced lesbians out there. I don't even know how it happened to be honest. I just know that I turned my best straight best friend gay (or bi?). I'll try to get right to it though.

    This girl and I have been friends since middle school (now in high school), so we've known each other a while. Even from the beginning of our relationship she acknowledged that things were "different" than with her other friends. Eventually, I came out to her as a lesbian and told her that I liked her. She was genuinely surprised, but generally was pretty accepting and cool. For about six months we stayed just friends, but then thigns chaned.

    We had classes together, and I still liked her, so I'd often spend the entire time looking at her (the class sucked lol). Suddenly though, I noticed that the girl looking at me too. Like, she'd look right at me and then when I'd look at her she'd look away. That's when I knew she liked me.

    Fast forward to the summer before high school and we talk everday. She eventually tells me she likes me and I begin to get giddy. For months we talk everyday over text and/or Facetime, so we've talked about pretty much anything over the moon. That's when I eventually joked about kissing her, and she responded pretty well. So the next time we hang out, I kissed her for the first time :eusa_danc, and ever since then whenever we hangout we tend to get pretty touchy feely.

    But once high school started we began going to different schools, and now the only time I get to see her in person is about once a month when we hangout or at our joint track and cross country meets. However, we still talk everyday over text and FaceTime for hours. Things are going pretty well between us actually. But recently, I've been getting a little bit scared because she really does not want to place a label on us. She doesn't place a label on her sexuality either because she seems like she is afraid of being anything but straight. But we still talk everyday and she's my best friend.

    I really want to ask her to be my girlfriend though because we've been doing this for nearly a year now. I just don't know how to approach it so that I don't scare her off.

    Sorry for the long story. Any and all advice would be appreciated.
     
    #1 Isarene, Dec 31, 2016
  2. Lynz

    Lynz
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi Kat!

    Sending you big hugs - i can understand how frustrating and heart-breaking this must be for you.

    It sounds to me like your friend is still questioning her sexuality. Hell, I wasn't fully willing to admit my own until 14 years old and didn't fully look for relationships until 16. Just kisses until then because I was so unsure of myself!

    I am SO PROUD of you for being so open with yourself and with your friend. I bet she admires you and loves you for it.

    What I think the best thing is now? Give her some time. Let her figure herself out. Keep being you. Keep everything the same. Keep being the open, loving and supportive friend that you are. She will get there in her own time, not on anyone elses. She will decide her label and she will love you for supporting her. I know this sucks, but rushing her will not help, believe me! Maybe have gentle chats about sexuality to help her. Maybe show her our Forums!!

    I really hope you can both work it out. With time. While waiting, just enjoy each other's company, have fun, have giggles.

    Let us know how it all goes :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jan 2017 at 02:35 AM ----------

    Oh meant to say - I laughed at *the dark side*. My wife calls us that, complete with Darth Vader voice. Which means I of course have to reply in my Yoda voice!!!
     
    #2 Lynz, Jan 1, 2017
  3. Bouldghirl

    Bouldghirl
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    OK - she still talks to you, you're still friends. I'd agree that maybe she's at that confused state we all got into when we started questioning our own bodies and our feelings. Will you end up living happily ever after? Honest answer is maybe! There's a long way to go and she may not be ready to take things forward at your pace. Stay friends, keep talking. You might even have to make some tough decisions yourself and start analysing what you want and what you will accept. I'm pretty sure compromise will come into things sooner rather than later. Make sure you know what you will be happy with and what both of you are willing to agree on. Whatever happens - good luck.
     
    #3 Bouldghirl, Jan 2, 2017
  4. KitSylph

    KitSylph
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    I don't know that I can be a lot of help here, but one thing I'd encourage you to consider is that you can't turn anyone into anything they don't decide to be. It sounds like maybe you are providing a way that your friend can try to figure out who she is and who she might love, but no matter how attractive you are (and I'm betting you're great!), you don't have to take any responsibility for your friend's switching teams (or playing on both teams).

    Her reluctance to put a label on it might just be because she has the feelings but isn't ready for the complications to her life of not being straight...or maybe she genuinely doesn't know where she fits yet at all.

    Either way, I wish the best to both of you! Good luck!
     
    #4 KitSylph, Jan 3, 2017
  5. anna96

    anna96
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    She sounds like she's into you but she's still questioning herself. I realized I was bi when I was 13 but stayed closeted for most of high school. Now I'm in my last year and on the way to graduating and I am starting to accept myself and not being scared or feeling like I need to choose "one or the other". It might take some time but I say talk to her but if she's feeling scared and unsure, thats normal. Give her some time.

    I hope she is honest with you soon because now that I'm in my last year of hs I feel like I have missed so much by not coming out earlier and being honest with myself from the start.
     
    #5 anna96, Jan 3, 2017
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