Hey everybody, I am a 36 year old relationship virgin who got a "no" from every single girl I've ever asked out (I stopped trying after the 10th one). I've come to realize I'm gay over the last ten years due to masturbation habits. I'm a little bit bi but more gay than straight for sure, so I think I should identify as gay. I've come on here in my darkest moments and received no replies, so this time I'm playing it different and posting a short post just to say hi to everybody. I'll probably lurk in this sub for awhile just to get more comfortable. I recently moved from northern Virginia where I'd lived all my life, to Oakland, California right outside of San Francisco. I was just about to attend some support groups when covid hit, and now I don't know what I do. I am having very dark thoughts. I'm out to my mom kind of, I told her many years ago but then never did anything about it. Even though I'm gay I can't bring myself to imagine myself touching a man. I must have internalized a lot of homophobia or something, which is surprising to me because I've always been pro-gay and trans rights. Anyway hello, I'm not coming into this forum expecting anything this time, but it would be cool to talk with people like myself.