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Hello Everyone. My introduction.

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Hopedream, Aug 9, 2020.

  1. Hopedream

    Regular Member

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    Hello Everyone! I will be a 52 year old male sometime soon. I found my way here when I read about it somewhere else and thought it could be of help.

    Ever since I was a kid growing up I always wanted to be a girl, I remember my mother crying and telling my aunts "He wants to be a girl!", and I also remember her a short while later yelling at me "I wanted a girl".

    I used to go to bed and dream of waking up the next day as a girl. I don't really find myself attracted to men or nothing like that, but if I were a female I think I would be as strange as that may sound.

    A few years ago I was in a relationship with this girl and we had sex a few times, and when I opened my eyes and looked at her "Even though she was real pretty" I just completely lost my erection the few times we had sex, it was embarrassing, humiliating. Ultimately that relationship didn't work out for many reasons.
    I have been an alcoholic for a long time I guess you might say, something I need to get a grasp on and have been planning on doing so. I honestly believe I drink to suppress my feelings. Don't get me wrong, I don't get black out drunk, I just have a daily schedule is what I am trying to say, but it's not a healthy habit I know.

    All my life I have felt uncomfortable around male's that I have been around, always feeling on the edge having to think about how I might act, what I might have to say and afraid somebody might figure out how I really feel. If I don't appear masculine enough the thought of being exposed or made fun of is terrifying to me.

    I have done a lot of reading and I am no doctor, but I seem to meet all the information I have read for being a transgender. There is no way I could ever come out to my Parents, they are set in their ways and my Mother has seen the show about "Jazz" and she's commented several times saying "I don't agree with that!". My brother has made comments also that more or less lets me know, if I ever were to come out I would lose contact with my entire family forever.

    I have dressed up with clothes I could find in the past and I loved it! But that was a long time ago.

    Recently, someone I don't know in person but have chatted with as a pen pal for years finally come out and told me they were transgender and had the surgery from Male to Female. I know this is a real person and they are who they say they are been chatting too long. Then it all seemed to make sense to me, the reason me and this person were good friend and enjoyed each other's chats is because I believe we are both the same, Transgender.

    When this person told me this to be honest with everyone, it was like I had no idea how depressed I have been for so many years, and I was able to tell just a little to this person but still guarding myself because you never know who might be on the other end of an email chat.

    But it felt GREAT to finally talk about my feelings!

    It was like I woke up and all the sudden just talking to someone like me I felt better, not alone and things for the first time kind of felt okay for how I really feel. For several says afterward I was walking around thinking how great it would be to transition myself to a female and it felt LOVELY!

    There is a lot more to my story but I will stop short right here because I don't want to write a book as my introduction.

    I hope you all have a blessed day! And I would like to say : "I thought I was alone with how I felt, come to find out I am not, so remember on those dark days YOU ARE NOT ALONE EITHER! And it okay!".
     
  2. Mus1cGuy69

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    Hi welcome to the site
     
  3. Hopedream

    Regular Member

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    Thank you! :slight_smile:
     
  4. Hopedream

    Regular Member

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    I apologize for being so straight forward in my thoughts with my post here on these forums. I am sorry, I got to thinking I was probably just flat out too honest about myself and how I feel with some of my post I started here. I don't mean to be such a "ME" person but that is why I come here, looking for hope. But I guess all I can do is dream. Sorry if anything I said offends anyone, I was 100% honest about myself but I feel as though it may have upset a few others. I'm sorry. I wont bother anyone here again with my feelings. I guess because of my age I'm just a sick old pervert who wants to be female, which makes me when I was younger a sick younger pervert who hoped and dreamed of being a female and showing nothing but love toward the world. The same child who wanted to be the best person ever on the planet toward others and making the world a better place. But I guess it's best I just apologize for being so straight forward with my thoughts and feelings and just say sorry. Goodbye all I wont bother anyone with my feelings or post anymore on here. Sorry.

    Wish you all the best forever and always!
     
  5. Hopedream

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    She
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    Out Status:
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    Okay, I'm back. I apologize for being a bit too graphic in some of my post on here. That REALLY IS NOT ME AT ALL. I had a realization yesterday and I guess it sounds crazy, but I know now why everything has felt and been so wrong for me for so many years.
    But this is the introduction thread so I will leave it at that.