Hello, I am a mid-30s intersex male. I am considered to be "transgender" by default since I was (C)AFAAB, though I've always had issues with that term since I was generally socialized as a male. My interests include poetry, trans* and intersex health, music, history, and many other subjects. I have joined because I would like to be a resource but do not really engage with 2SLGBTQIA+ communities offline for privacy reasons. I am married and live in North America. Cheers!
Welcome to EC That is really incredible and Badass of you to join and help out the community. Respect
PoeticAlpaca…..Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. As we have members from 13 years old and older, please keep that in mind as you make your posts. *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something”. When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. Only A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) and then only to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can send me a Private Message as you can always send a staff member a Private Message. …..David
PoeticAlpaca.....Now that the welcome is done...I have been a member of Empty Closets for almost ten years. I don't recall someone who is Intersex ever offering their help as a resource. Thank you. We have had intersex members here on EC before and I think that they have benefited from their time with us. However, it's obvious that you would be better equipped to help answer questions in an area few of us understand very well. I hope that you will also benefit from your visits and your time on EC. I do have a question, if you feel comfortable answering it: I understand that (C)AFAB means coercively assigned female at birth. I also note that you say you were socialized as male however, I have never seen the acronym (C)AFAAB though and wonder what it means. We're glad that you found us here on Empty Closets! .....David
Hi David, Unfortunately, the extra 'A' was just a typo on my part, sorry for the unintentional mystery! In terms of what (C)AFAB means, in case that was still a question — it varies. Often, it means that someone was surgically altered in infancy (and they may or may not identify with the gender to which they were assigned); for others, it means that despite having clear physical differences from a non-intersex infant (i.e., "perisex," "endosex," or "dyadic"), they were assigned to a sex with which they do not identify. Intersexuality can run in families in certain communities, and that was the case for me. I am only one of three people in my immediate family with an intersex diagnosis and at least two of us meet one of the aforementioned definitions of "coercive assignment." Personally, I use the term (C)AFAB because it was obvious that I was intersex and while that gave me more freedom in some ways, since I was expected to function as a male in my family, it also resulted in a lot of mistreatment. I also experienced this bizarre dichotomy of being required to present female at certain times and having female pronouns and such forced upon me. It's hard to explain to anyone who didn't witness it — being expected to fill all of the "son/brother" obligations, even being called "son," and then being screamed at for "need(ing" to "learn to be a girl." I was threatened with "corrective" female hormones and surgery from childhood, yet my overtly masculine identity and attraction to women were not unexpected. It's a bit hard to explain but I think there is enough overlap in my experience and especially that of "early identified" folks of transgender experience that I might still be able to act as a resource for various types of people. I also ran an LGBTQ+ group in college, so despite being straight, I'm no stranger to helping folks navigate sexuality, especially when coming from more conservative cultural backgrounds. In my everyday life, very few people know about my history and I can't really be more public about it since it could cause problems for my wife but I do feel like I want to do something to contribute, especially with the state of world politics, which is a major motivation for joining EC. I'm also in a period of personal exploration, though not to do with gender/sexuality, so it would be great to connect with others who either have experience with bottom surgeries or who are older than me and have some general life advice.
Also, @quebec, is that Mamoru in your profile pic? If so, we should chat sometime. Now I'm wondering if it would it be too misleading if I used Setsuna as my profile pic... I suppose I could draw a gender-bent version...
PoeticAlpaca.....Thanks for the reply! I wondered if that might have been a typo...as I couldn't find anything that matched that acronym anywhere I searched ! What you describe growing up is very confusing and I hope that you have been able to overcome the stress and pain of all of that. As far as the avatar, yes it is Mamoru, however I use it mostly because it pictures/shows what I see myself as mentally. Glad to have you with us here on EC! .....David
