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Having major WTF how did I get to 45 and not even consider my sexuality until now ?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jo Hannah, Apr 19, 2021.

  1. silverhalo

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    Hey thanks for the update, it sounds like for now you are in a good place. Sure you have more work to do in the future potentially but you are taking it a step at a time and enjoying it as you go. Good luck.
     
  2. Jo Hannah

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    so .. another update .. I have now come out to the most important people in my life, my sisters kids and a few close friend. There’s nothing but love and acceptance which is totally what I expected.

    I am seeing my lady and she’s completely in love with me ( I am feeling a bit of pressure/ responsibility there).

    I should be totally happy with just how far i’ve come, maybe it’s just my overthinking nature but I’m discombobulated, I can’t quite feel
    this is “real” .. I don’t have the elation or relief from coming out .. I feel like could I have made a mistake ?

    When i’m with my lady it’s nice and easy just the 2 of us, but I don’t want to combine that with my friends and family, when I think about group functions coming up I don’t want to invite her, I’m not feeling this proudness, it’s more of a remorse / grief for my old life and whilst I was ok telling them I don’t want to actually show them ..

    Is that wrong ? I don’t know if this feeling of wanting to go back into the closet is normal?
     
    Nic2552, GrumpyOldLady and out2019 like this.
  3. silverhalo

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    I'm not sure I would say it was normal because I am not sure there is a normal, everyones journey is different, it isnt abnormal though. For a lot of people coming out is so emotional and nerve wracking that once you have done it there can be a bit of a come down. Its great that it went so well, even if you arent feeling it right now.

    I think you need to take lots of positives from the fact that when you are with your lady everything feels fine. If it was truely a mistake as in you had it all wrong then it would also feel wrong.

    Do you know what it is about meeting up with friends and family that is putting you off? Have you met up with anyone at all with your lady?
     
    Peterpangirl and Jo Hannah like this.
  4. brainwashed

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    Shjjjjiit, I was 51 when I first asked myself "I'm I gay". So ya, lol, shit happens.
     
    #64 brainwashed, Sep 29, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2021
  5. Jo Hannah

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    She’s met a couple of people because they came to the house when she happened to be here ..meetings due to circumstances rather than choice .. I wasn’t comfortable but managed to just get on with it. I have put off other people coming round when she’s here, I’m definitely not ok with PDA.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Is it just PDA that makes you uncomfortable? Just because you are both together doesn’t mean you have to be all over one another. If you are worried there will be too much of that perhaps you can just talk to her about your concerns before meeting up with people.
    I am sure it is something that will become more comfortable in time. Not massive PDA there can be a limit to that but meeting up with friends and family.
     
  7. LCDRmom05

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    I don't know if wanting to go back in the closet is normal, but I can tell you I totally get it.

    I figured this out at 40. Told my husband, in a moment of sheer vulnerability. He left me and our five kids shortly after, even thought I professed my love and commitment to him. Now I feel epically lonely, the type of relationship I seem to want seems off limits, and I just want to take it all back.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    Hey I am sorry you are having such a hard time. What kind of relationship is it that you want?
     
  9. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @LCDRmom05,

    Welcome to EC.

    I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s reaction. How recently did this happen and how did your children handle it? It’s a huge and sudden change for all of you to process. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself time to adjust and process what has happened.