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Having major WTF how did I get to 45 and not even consider my sexuality until now ?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jo Hannah, Apr 19, 2021.

  1. Paul101

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    I just find that the idea of being with a woman sexually, or even romantically, just feels so dead, like it does nothing for me. More importantly, I am amazed that I didn't realise this when I was younger. I had plenty of female romantic partners and at the time I thought I loved then as was attracted to them physically. Now I realise that I was just putting on a show for everyone, including myself.

    Since I accepted that I am a gay and that I am attracted to other men I find them more powerfully attractive and exciting than any female.

    How I convinced myself otherwise is beyond my comprehension! x
     
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  2. Contented

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    This is so well stated. I know exactly what you mean. I feel absolutely zero sexual or romantic appeal looking at a woman now. After having been with a man there is simply no comparison on any level. I too was simply fooling myself totally with women.
     
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  3. Paul101

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    [QUOTE="I too was simply fooling myself totally with women.[/QUOTE]

    @Contented - It's weird, right? Why do you think we were able to do it, and what was it that finally broke the glamour for you?

    x
     
  4. Contented

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    Paul101, I have thought about this and debated this to myself for over 3 years now. I think I wanted to fit into the heterosexual world because of the brain washing we receive about a house in the suburbs, 2 cars, wife and kids etc. All the while I felt something was missing. Sex with a woman was just meh, not that mind blowing experience I expected. I kept saying is this all there is? Once I meet the man that truly opened my eyes I started to see that I was far more attracted to him. Even before experiencing sexual relations with him I started to lose interest in all women. My fantasy life became all men related. For the first time in my life I looked at gay porn and would become aroused. After my first sexual experience with a man I could not believe the passion, erotic pleasure and emotional release being with another man provided. I remember waking up next to him the following morning with no regrets, no
    Misgivings, no shame and thinking this is what I had been looking for. I knew then I was gay without a doubt. That night changed everything. Within a month I was no longer able to be intimate with my then gf. All I wanted was out to be able to start to give as a gay man. It took me awhile to come out publicly but without a doubt that first night changed the course of my life for better. I miss nothing of my old heterosexual life.
     
  5. Ingvermama

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    Hi, I’ve just read the whole thread, it’s interesting how some of you are saying heterosexual sex repulsed you, I cannot imagine having another relationship with a man, ever. I am married to a man, and I love him very much, but if he left me I would be straight out to find a woman as I really feel turned on by women now, not men.
     
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  6. GrumpyOldLady

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    I feel the same but I'm not sure what to do about the husband yet...he's been more like a brother than anything else for a while now.
     
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  7. Ingvermama

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    Haha, yes I know that feeling. I can’t break his heart, I am happy being with him and we have teenage children. Can you show your sexuality in other ways? Dress, hairstyle, volunteer for a LGBTQ group in your area? I don’t know. I do know if it didn’t hurt anyone at all I’d be out there like a shot
     
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  8. Ingvermama

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    Do you read any lesbian literature? It’s very much a turn on, lots available online.
     
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  9. GrumpyOldLady

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    I wouldn't say I'm really happy. I came out to myself about 6-7 years ago and at first it was ok but I'm starting to recognize that there's something missing from my life, we've talked a little about it but I'm still not too sure how to work something out. It's really hard to tell your spouse that you're not really attracted to them at all.
     
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  10. Ingvermama

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    It is hard. I do crave something different with a woman but I also know I can cope with what I’ve got.
     
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  11. Ingvermama

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    Yeah, i get what you are feeling. I definitely feel I’m missing out physically and emotionally by not being in a same sex relationship. I have always known I was bi (although sometimes I think I am lesbian), and I wish that all the years I was single (between 1992 and 2004) I had done something about it, I really do.
     
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  12. Ingvermama

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    I also wonder if all the times a guy asked me out during that time, and I made excuses after one date was because I really wasn’t interested in the slightest. I wish society allowed us all to just love who we wanted to.
     
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  13. Paul101

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    Ingvermama - I can tell you for certain that is why I never got into another hetro relationship after my divorce. I tried dating but the just ended with me walking out as there was no feelings of any kind. I lost all interest in physical and emotional intimacy.
    Then I started to remember guys from my past, friends and colleagues, and how they made me feel. I started to fantasise about being with them, and suddenly I was turned on again. The thought of physical and emotional intimacy with a guy is so powerful, the idea of kissing another man so overwhelming, I knew it was for real.
     
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  14. Ingvermama

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    It’s so true, I don’t feel anything for all the handsome guys out there, and there are lots of them, I can still see a beautiful guy outside and think oh my god he’s gorgeous, but I won’t feel anything inside. If I see a woman who I consider beautiful, then I get that funny feeling inside. I don’t think this of lots of women though, so I do wonder if my gaydar is pretty good! I love my husband though, and we still have a proper relationship.
     
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  15. Paul101

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    [QUOTE I don’t think this of lots of women though, so I do wonder if my gaydar is pretty good! [/QUOTE]

    That strikes a chord with me, as I don't look at guys the way I did looked at women. Before coming out to myself, I would see a woman and feel almost compelled to try to hit on them, not aggressively, just to test the water, like I had a duty as a man, even though I didn't really expect (or want) anything to come of it.
    No with guys I am much more selective, and most of them pass me by without me even giving them a second look. Until I sense that they might be gay too, and then I am like so excited and turned on.
     
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  16. Ingvermama

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    That strikes a chord with me, as I don't look at guys the way I did looked at women. Before coming out to myself, I would see a woman and feel almost compelled to try to hit on them, not aggressively, just to test the water, like I had a duty as a man, even though I didn't really expect (or want) anything to come of it.
    No with guys I am much more selective, and most of them pass me by without me even giving them a second look. Until I sense that they might be gay too, and then I am like so excited and turned on.[/QUOTE]
    It also makes me smile that you and I are opposite, like we cancel each other out! What does your ideal guy look like? I’d do anything for Brandon Flowers in the Mr Brightside video, he is hot!! And a woman…too many, Jodie Comer, Taylor Swift, Gillian Anderson :wink:)
     
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  17. Paul101

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    I look at it more as being two sides of the same coin, we both have the same super power but wield it for different purposes. We could totally team up and fight crime together :cop:

    As for my ideal guy, that is something I am just trying to figure out. I'm not a manly man, and am a bit of sensitive, empath type so would like someone who is more like that. In terms of physical attraction my short list of guys at the moment is Billy Porter or Katya Zamolodchikova (she could parade me round on a leash and I'd be happy :laughing: ), as for more mainstream men, I do like Ryan Reynolds.

    I always thought I had a thing for Sandra Bullock too, but now I think I just want to be her.
     
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  18. Engdood1

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    Interesting read on this thread. Before breaking up I didn’t have sex with my gf for over 6 months and I didn’t miss it at all. Once I had some thoughts that I might be gay my desire for women disappeared. I’m still battling with it but I have to admit that I can only get *ahem* excited thinking about men.
     
  19. Contented

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    I think if you continue to read more comments what you are experiencing is quite common for many once they acknowledge that they are gay. For me once that happened I lost all interest in women and shortly there after the ability to be physically intimate with a woman. The funny thing was I was totally fine with it. It felt as if it was relief to be total done with heterosexuality on every level. It was very freeing and allowed me to fully embrace my homosexuality without distractions or doubts about my sexual orientation.
     
  20. out2019

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    This happened with me too, and looking back, I often had to think about being with a guy when having sex. There were some times when sex with a woman was 'enjoyable' but nothing like my fantasies that came naturally about guys. I still think women are beautiful but honestly the thought of sex now kind of grosses me out, and again, looking back I always had a little bit of a natural aversion but just focused on 'getting off'.

    I would say almost all men who came out later and were in hetero relationships experienced this. It usually comes with acceptance about being gay verses just rationalizing that 'i'm a straight guy who has gay fantasies'
     
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